A Broken Future
by Blackswan86
Summary: AU Set in the future: Everything was perfect and they were all excited for the new arrival to their family but what was wrong with Emma?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey Everyone, I'm finally back writing again. I hope to update some of my unfinished stories however I've had this idea in my head for a while. Hope you like the first chapter it was a lot sadder then planned but I promise things will get better **

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**Chapter One**

_The nursery was a soft light crimson pink with pale cream border. Each wall painted differently; one wall had been decorated with small little white lambs chosen by their baby's grandfather. Another had been painted with a cherry blossom tree chosen by her grandmother._

_They had decided on a beautiful white crib with delicate flowers carved into the pine. Just above the crib was their baby's name spelt out in large white letters. Each letter had been hand painted with pink flowers. They had chosen the name 'Eva' after their daughter's great-grandmother. The name also meant life and this was the start of their new lives together as a family._

_Everything was perfect and they were all excited for the new arrival to their family. It finally felt as if everything was finally falling into place…_

Emma sat in the rocking chair, made skilfully by Geppetto and Pinocchio as a gift for their new-born baby daughter. She slowly began rocking back and forth holding the delicate bundle in her arms.

Her little girl was wrapped up in the knitted blanket made by Granny. It was like Emma's however it had pink lace instead of purple. She had burst into tears when Red and Granny gave it to her at the surprise baby shower. Of course Emma blamed the tears on her hormones but secretly she could not wait to wrap her little girl up in it and hold her close. However that now felt like a distant memory.

In silence she watched as the night sky began to lighten. The sun was slowly rising in the dark sky, casting rays of light in every direction which illuminated the small town. Emma stared out of the glass panes as the colors made by the rising sun changed, growing more vivid with the passing time. The town looked more radiant as the sun rose higher into the sky. But even as beautiful as the morning was it could not stop the tears forming in her eyes.

Emma could hear the snuffle sounds of her baby in her arms, but she could not bring herself to comfort her. Their baby was perfect; she had beautiful big brown eyes like her father and light feathery blonde hair like her mother, yet Emma was afraid to look at her. She was terrified that her baby would be able to see the fear in her eyes. The tears slowly began to trickle down Emma's cheeks. Carefully she freed one of her hands so she could wipe them away.

Her heart was swelling with sadness. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This was all far too hard. What happened to the fantasies? What happened to the dream of a perfect home and family with Neal? They had worked so hard to get to this point. All the sacrifices they had made, the battles they had fought to be together. This was the place where she expected to feel love and comfort but instead felt guilt.

She couldn't help but unworthy of her second chance to be a mom, to have back what she lost with her first-born child, Henry. Even though she knew son was utterly devoted to his new baby sister, Emma just couldn't rid herself of these feelings. The guilt had completely taken her by surprise and it had overwhelmed her. She felt like she had no control over her own feelings anymore and it frighten her. She didn't know what to do with herself. How could she tell Neal how she felt? Seeing him so happy, this would crush him. So instead she tried to hide it; however the remorse was evident every time she looked into her little girl's bright eyes.

Over the last few weeks she had found herself avoiding certain situations. She would offer her baby a bottle instead of her breast; she had convinced Neal that expressing milk would mean he could have time to bond with their daughter, as well as help with the late night feeds.

She had also managed to avoid bedtime stories giving that job to Henry, who loved reading his book to his little sister. When it came to singing lullabies there was no one better than her own mother Snow White, who adored her beautiful granddaughter. Emma could feel her eye's beginning to sting with fresh tears. It now seemed that Eva was better off without her mother.

"Hey honey."

Emma couldn't help but jump a little at the sound of her partner's low tired voice coming from behind her. Turning her head slightly she could see Neal leaning against the door frame. His hair was scruffy and sticking out in different directions; his pyjamas were wrinkled and creased. She wondered how long he had been standing there, but due to the fact he had that annoying grin on his face, it was obvious he had not seen her tears.

Emma tried her best to fake a warm smile. "Morning," She whispered quietly, so not to wake the sleeping baby in her arms. Luckily for her Neal was still too tired to notice her pretense.

"And how are the two most beautiful girls in the world this morning?" He asked chuckling to himself. He swiftly made his way across the nursery. Leaning down he placed a small tender kiss on top of Emma's head before turning his attention to his daughter.

Gently he brushed the pad of his thumb across their baby's soft rosy cheek. Neal was completely besotted with his little girl; just like her mother she had stolen his heart right from the start. He finally had everything he ever wanted. He had Emma and the family he had so longed for. "She's so beautiful." He whispered before placing a kiss on top of her head. Lovingly he gazed back up at Emma. "Just like her mother." He smiled.

Emma could feel her breath hitch in her throat as she felt the tears threaten their way to the surface. She stared into Neal's deep brown eyes. His eyes shone with happiness. Why couldn't she feel this way?

Before the tears could fall she hurriedly passed the sleeping bundle towards him. "Can you take her? I need to jump in the shower." Before Neal had chance to answer, she had placed their baby in his arms and passed him the half empty bottle of milk.

Their daughter began to whimper at the sudden movement. She was clearly unhappy to have been pushed away from her mother, instantly missing the warmth of her embrace and longing to be back in her arms.

Neal was slightly taken back by Emma's actions; he would have questioned her if it wasn't for the distressed baby in his arms and his attempt to hold the bottle at the same time. Carefully he pulled Eva close to him, rocking her gently.

"Hey princess… Sshhh it's OK…. Your Papa's here." He cooed softly as he cradled his daughter against his shoulder. It didn't take long for little Eva's cries to soften as she fell back to sleep contentedly in her father's warm embrace.

Emma couldn't help but watch intently as Neal comforted their baby. He was so good with her, a natural. No matter how much and how hard she had tried their daughter never settled that easy for her. Eva was already a daddy's girl, what hope was there for Emma.

Neal tried to put Emma's earlier actions to the back of his mind as he rocked the sleeping baby in his arms. "I think this little one is out for the count." He smiled. "Henry is still at Regina's, how about I put this one back to bed and join you in the shower?" He mischievously grinned at his wife. It felt like so long ago when they had time to their selves.

A strange sense of panic began to rise in Emma. "Neal!" She quickly protested. "It's still too soon." It wasn't but Emma wasn't completely comfortable with the idea of being intimate with him again. She couldn't help but roll her eyes when he playfully pouted at her. "Anyway I need to get going, I'm heading back to the station today." She quickly added.

Emma nervously bit her lip as she watched a puzzled frown begin to form on Neal's face. "What do you mean you're going back to the station? You've got at least another two months before you have to go back." He couldn't understand why Emma was so keen to go back. He wanted to spend every moment with his family and dreaded the day when he had to go back to work at his father's shop.

"Unfortunately not everything just stops because we had a baby, Neal!" She huffed as she crossed her arms. Neal was right; there was no need for her to return to work. But for her own sanity she had to get away for a few hours. She needed a break, some time to clear her head. However she knew her husband far too well to know he would not drop it without a fight.

"You know your father is handling things at the station perfectly fine, there is no need for you to go back so soon." It was true; Charming had everything under control and since Gold had cloaked the town from the outside world there was no big danger to worry about.

Emma rubbed her temple in frustration. "Neal please let's not argue about this.. I just want to catch up on a few things. I'll only be gone a few hours I promise."

Neal dropped his head in defeat. "Fine ok," he sighed as he cradled their daughter a little closer to his chest. She had started to stir again, the sounds of her parents voices had disturbed her from her peaceful dream.

"Regina is dropping Henry back this afternoon, maybe we could meet you in diner? Have dinner together, all four of us."

Emma shrugged lightly "Um yeah sure… depends how busy things are…."

"Oh Emma come on!" Neal interrupted he was starting to get annoyed by her lack of enthusiasm. "It feels like we haven't spent any time together as a family in ages, it would be good for us and for Henry."

"Ok," Emma smiled weakly, the dread already forming in her stomach. She knew everyone would be excited to see baby Eva. She wasn't sure if she could hold up the pretense in public. "Well I best go jump in the shower. Oh I've also made up some bottles, there should be enough there for today."

Neal nodded. "Looks like it just me and you Eva." He smiled at his daughter. Emma could feel the tears threatening to fall again before she turned away from them

"Hey Em," She heard Neal call out. "We love you… you know that right?"

Emma turned and smiled. "Yeah I know… I love yo.. I love both of you too." She could see the concern slowly beginning to form in his eyes. He knows something is very wrong but she could see he was not brave enough to ask her yet.

Instead they shared one last sad smile before Emma turned away again. No longer able to keep up her walls for protection she made her away out of the nursery, she was doing the one thing she knew how to do well; she was running away from the problem.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for the reviews and follows I really appreciate it. Here is the next chapter. It does contain a flashback scene (it wouldn't be OUAT without one!) Would love to hear you thoughts.  
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**Chapter Two **

_**11 Months earlier…..**_

As the time ticked down slowly Emma found herself nervously twisting the gold band on her finger. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut to stop herself watching the seconds ticking by. She tried to calm herself down by taking deep breathes in and out. But her heart continued to race as it pounded heavily in her chest. She jumped a little when the sound of her phone vibrating on the bathroom shelf echoed around the room. It was finally the moment of truth.

Emma couldn't help but stare intensely at the object in her hand as she blinked away the tears forming in her eyes. She had looked at the result for so long now that the two clear lines and now become blurred into one. She could not believe it!

Her mind quickly started to back track the dates in her head .No this had to be wrong? But the evidence was right in front of her, she could not deny it even if she wanted too. Two home pregnancy kits each showing the same result, positive!_ She was pregnant…. Again!_

Her whole body felt like it was frozen to spot where she stood in the middle of the bathroom. She could hear the sound of Neal stumbling around in their bedroom next door, cursing to himself as he searched for his tie. She knew she had to move but her feet were firmly rooted to the ground.

It just happened to be their family gathering at her parents this evening. Gold and Belle had also been invited. Her mother had been planning this of weeks now. It was the first time they had all been together since she and Neal and ran off and married in secret, it was far too late to back out now.

Her mind began to spin and she could feel her legs tremble. Without even realizing she what she was doing, Emma moved her hand under her top and pressed it against her flat stomach_. __How could she be pregnant?_ She just could not get her head around the idea. Apart of her was still clinging to the hope that one of the tests would have shown a negative result.

Emma had tried her best to ignore all the signs over the last few weeks. She had convinced herself that the tiredness and sickness were all in her head. She had put the symptoms down to stress. After everything that had happened over the last year , saving Henry from Neverland, losing and finding Neal again and not forgetting being stuck on the Jolly Roger with her now extended family. Who could blame her? Not once did she think she could be pregnant. But it wasn't until Neal reminded her of the date today she had realized she had missed her last period.

_They were going to have baby. But was she really ready for this?_ A small voice in her head screamed yes. This was all she ever wanted; she had her family and home with Neal. This was her Tallahassee.

Suddenly a rush of excitement and happiness overcame her. She could feel a warm flush over her entire body. She was going to have a baby. For a moment Emma allowed herself to forget all her fears and worries that would come with a new-born baby in their lives. For moment she allowed herself to be happy. Softly Emma brushed her hand across the front of her stomach, feeling the warmth of her palm on her skin. She closed her eyes again imagining Neal smiling up at her as he felt their baby kick against the palm of his hand for the first time.

She could picture herself in the hospital room holding a little bundle in her arms, feeling the weight of her new-born baby for the first time. She could feel Neal with his arm around her holding her close to him and they stared down at their perfect little baby. She could even see Henry sat at the foot of the hospital bed grinning at his new sibling. She could imagine it all. Their baby's first steps, first word, all the memories she had missed with Henry. She could see her family. This was anything she had ever wanted. This was her happy ever after.

To her surprise Emma could feel her cheeks damp with tears as she opened her eyes. Smiling she looked down at her hand which still rested on her stomach. "I want you so much," she whispered softly to the little life growing inside her.

"Emma!" The sound of Neal calling her name made her snap back to reality. Taking a deep breath she slowly made her way out of the bathroom and across the hall to their bedroom.

She took a moment to watch Neal as he threw pillows across the bedroom searching for his missing tie. She could hear him grumbling under his breath, complaining that they were going to be late. Emma could tell when he was nervous; he always behaved this way when he knew he was seeing his father. However this evening had the added pressure of her parents, who had not completely forgiven him for whisking their only child away and marry her without inviting anyone to the wedding. Even though eloping had been all her idea.

"Babe… Have you seen my tie? You know the blue one with the white strips?" He asked as he began scattering clothes around the room. "I swear I put it somewhere I could find it…"

Normally this was where Emma would have made fun of him or would make a sarcastic comment but instead without a word she made her way over to their bed to where her husband's tie hung around the headboard. "Here," she answered holding his tie towards him.

A small embarrassed laugh escaped Neal's lips. "I put it there last night so I wouldn't lose it." He replied as he approached her. "I knew you would find it," he smiled.

Taking a deep breath Emma gently lifted the tie around his neck. Her fingers began to shake ever so slightly as she fixed his tie for him before straightening down the collar on his shirt.

"Thanks." Neal whispered before playfully placing a small kiss onto the tip of her nose. Emma could not stop her eyes from falling to the floor.

Neal could instantly sense something was wrong with his wife. He could tell she was hiding something, Emma was very good at putting up a front but her eyes could never lie to him. Softly he brushed his hand against her cheek lowering it to the bottom of her chin. Gently he moved her chin upwards. His brown warm eyes met her emerald green ones.

"Em… What is it? What's wrong?" He asked his voice full of concern.

Emma took a deep breath before she answered with the words that would change their lives forever. "Neal… I'm pregnant." The words had slipped out so unexpectedly that even Emma was unsure she had even said them. She watched as the color began to fade from Neal's face.

"W..hat?" He stuttered.

"I'm…." Emma began her voice clearly shaking.

"I heard what you said it's just….." He face was in shock. "You're pregnant?" Emma just nodded. She desperately tried to read the emotion on Neal's face._ Was he happy? Angry? Upset? Did he not want their baby? _His face was just blank and impossible to read,

_"_How?" He asked.

Emma couldn't help but roll her eyes at him. "Seriously Neal? You are asking me that question?"

Neal sighed heavily as he nervously brushed his hands through his hair_.__ Emma was pregnant! She was going to have a baby, their baby. _It took a moment for it to sink in. Slowly he reached out and cupped Emma's cheek with the palm of his hand. His thumb brushed away her alone tear that ran down her cheek. His eyes met hers again as a small smile began to form on his lips.

"Neal… I, know…its.."

Before Emma could finish Neal's mouth crashed against hers, capturing her lips with his. She could feel him wrap his arms around her, pulling her tightly against him. His kiss was passionate. She knew this was his way of telling her how he felt when words couldn't.

It took a moment or two for Emma to respond, her mind had not caught up with her body just yet. But eventually she began to kiss him back, just as hungrily and lifted her arms up and wrapped them around his neck holding onto him tightly, as if she was afraid he was going to leave her again. Every time Neal kissed her, all her fears disappeared. She was that carefree Emma again.

Only when he could see Emma starting to look dizzy he pulled back allowing her to catch her breath. Neal moved his hands to her waist hold her securely against him. He couldn't help but smile at her flushed cheeks.

"What the hell was that?" Emma asked still trying to catch her breath.

A big grin appeared on his face. "I just wanted to show you how much I love you."

Emma watched as his eyes began to brighten with happiness. "We are really going to have baby?" he whispered softly. Emma nodded slowly. A small hint of a smile began to enter her eyes as they glisten with happy tears.

Neal let out a small chuckle. "I can't believe it. We're having a baby."

Emma let out a nervous but relieved laugh. "You do know I'm going to get fat." She informed him.

Neal playfully shrugged, "That's ok, more of you to love."

Emma raised her eyebrow, "I'm going to get really strange cravings."

Neal laughed again, "I'll be at you beck and call day and night. Emma laughed she would definitely hold him to that in the next few months.

"And I'm going to have mood swings." She added.

Neal shrugged again. "So what else is new." He teased, laughing when Emma playfully slapped his chest. "I love you Emma, You, Henry and this baby… it's all I want."

Emma let herself lean into his warm embrace. It was still a wonder to her how Neal always knew the right thing to say and the right time. It was truly a gift he had. "I love you too." She mumbled into his shirt.

Neal again pulled her close and gently brushed his fingers through her golden hair. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have her back in his life "I'm never leaving you again." He whispered into her ear.

Emma nodded gently against his chest. "Promise?" She whispered back.

"I promise." He replied placing a kiss onto of her head. They both jumped when the bedroom door swung open.

"Mom, Dad! Hurry up! We're going to be late." Henry whined at them.

Emma and Neal both looked at each for a moment. "We're just coming Kid!" Emma smiled.

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**_Present day… _**

Emma quickly shut the bathroom door, blocking out the sound of her daughter's whimpers behind her.

Another ounce of guilt overwhelmed her followed by a strange sense of loss. She was angry and frustrated with herself for not being the mother she had longed to be. It felt let she had no control over her emotions anymore. It was a frightening feeling and she had no idea what to do with herself.

Emma reached into the shower and turned the water onto full blast. She reached over to the other dial and turned it until it reached the hottest setting. Slowly she began removing her vest top and pyjamas bottoms.

Steam rose off the water as it hammered down from the shower. Emma stood naked before it with only her swan necklace adorning her body. She wrapped her hand around it and lifted it up over her head. Emma placed a tremulous kiss against the swan charm before placing it onto the bathroom shelf.

Carefully she stepped into the shower allowing the hot harsh spray to hit her body. She let the water wash away the tear stains that covered her face. Emma stood with one hand on each wall of the shower. Her hands pressed firmly against the cold tiles. She needed to feel something stable and fixed. She needed to support herself as her whole body felt weak and exhausted.

As she stood under the shower, the water scorched onto her skin, the searing heat of it was painful. But pain was good; pain stopped her from thinking about anything else. She needed to wash off the guilt, the regret, the remorse. She needed the water to burn it all away.

Her hands scrubbed over her face and through her hair. Eyes closed her tears began to fall once again, but they left no mark, no remains as the water swept them away in its path.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all again for your reviews and follows :D I always appreciate hearing your feedback... Hope you enjoy the new chapter...**

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**Chapter Three **

It took Emma over an hour to find the strength to rein her emotions. She had managed to calm herself back into some form of normality. Putting on a front was something Emma had learnt to do well over the years. It was her way of protecting herself. Terrified that if she let her guard down, gave away the truth she would fall further into the emptiness she felt inside. It was a matter of time until someone recognized the sadness that lingered in her eyes.

Emma quickly drove away from their house, she was eager to find some solitude. Somewhere alone before she broke down completely. This was the real reason she wanted to return to work. She needed a distraction, something to occupy her mind and help her to forget.

To her surprise the station was empty. She had anticipated seeing her father, but Neal was right, not much crime happening in Storybrooke. She made her way over to her desk and shrugged off her red leather jacket. The jacket had been in the back of her closet since the curse broke. She didn't even realize she was wearing it until she placed it on the back of her chair.

She made her way over to the pot of coffee that rested on the unit. Normally at this time she visited Granny's for her coffee and cheese grill fix. It would have been the early morning rush. She couldn't face it with everyone asking questions about the baby girl she had left at home. At least the station was a safe haven to protect her from the world's judgement.

She pulled herself a small cup of coffee; she had limited herself to one cup a day. Even though she couldn't bring herself to breast feed her child she was still expressing milk, at least she was being responsible about something.

As she sat down with the warm cup of coffee in her hands she noticed the stack of papers scattered across the desk. She wasn't sure how she had managed to miss them when she came in.

David had no concept of organisation or tidiness. For some reason she found it endearing about him, this brave prince who ruled a kingdom had no idea how to file paper work. Another small sighed escaped her lips as she began foraging around for a pen underneath the papers.

Emma looked up when she heard the door open. Her body tensed with worried. Then she heard her father's footsteps and muffled voice as he made his way down the hall. Unable to hear another voice with him she assumed he was on his phone. She sighed, letting some of the tension out of her body.

"You know if I could I would have stayed in bed with you all morning," She heard him say as he got closer to the office. The comment was then followed by his laughter. Unimpressed Emma raised her eyebrow. "Seriously?" She grumbled.

"I guess I'll have to find another way to make it up to you…" He chuckled as he entered the office. David stopped in his tracks, completely surprised to see his unimpressed daughter glaring back at him. "Uh Snow I have to go… Emma is here… OK I love you too." He quickly hung up his phone and placed it into his pocket.

"Really? You didn't think the whole thing with the Tacos didn't scar me enough?" Emma asked.

David smiled. He swiftly made his way over to her desk; nearly knocking over the painstakingly organised piles of paperwork she had spent the last hour sorting. He bent down and placed a small kiss on top of her head. He laughed again as Emma scrunched her face playfully in disgust.

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting to see you here." He replied as he removed his jacket hanging over by the door.

"Clearly." Emma grumbled quietly to herself.

"So what did I miss?" David asked as he took his seat at the opposite desk. Emma looked up at him with a confused expression. "I mean there must have been a major incident I haven't heard of. I can't think why else you would have left my beautiful granddaughter to come into the office?" He questioned.

Emma felt her body stiffen in her chair. She felt rather uncomfortable as her father continued to stare at her. She understood exactly what he was getting at. Especially after she made a big deal about how much she was looking forward to her maternity leave. "I'm the Sheriff remember." She answered coldly as she avoided making any eye contact with him.

"How could I forget?" He smiled softly at her. "But I'm handling everything just fine. Emma go home and be with your family. Eva needs you more than your needed here."

Emma opened her mouth to defend herself when a certain piece of paperwork caught her eye. A sense of relief washed over, when she had found a reason to change the subject. "Leroy.. I mean Grumpy causing trouble again?" She asked lifting up the file.

David sighed; he knew his daughter was avoiding something. "Yeah he got into a heated debate with Tiny over a few beers in the Rabbit Hole." He watched as Emma raised her eyebrow. "Don't worry it was nothing I couldn't handle." He chuckled.

"That was the fifth time in the last six weeks." Emma said as her eyes scanned over the report.

"Well what can you say; he still has a small part of Leroy in him." David replied.

"Well next time, throw the book at him." Emma snapped, instantly regretting it.

"OK Emma, what is the matter?" David asked.

Emma sighed, "Nothing." Her eyes fell to the floor to avoid the incredulity that reflected in his eyes. "Seriously, I just wanted to catch up on some unfinished paperwork and.." her voice trailed off as she ran out of excuses. She could feel David's eyes fixed on her intently, his glare making her feel tense again.

"Come on Emma, I think I know you better than that by now. What's wrong? Has Neal done something?" It always seemed David was looking for an excuse to punch his son-in-law.

"We are fine… its just… Eva hasn't been sleeping well and I needed a break." Emma replied her eyes quickly skated round the room. Her eyes always darted nervously when she lied. It was ironic that she knew straight a way if someone was lying but was never able to lie well herself. But what other option did she have? She couldn't tell her father the truth.

"Does that make me a bad person?" She asked. She bit her lip nervously as she waited for his answer. Emma needed him to say no. She needed to hear that her behavior was normal for a new mom. That she wasn't going crazy.

"No of course not... Come here." David said softly as he wrapped his arms around his daughter. Emma pressed her body against her father as he hugged her tightly. Emma found herself clinging to him as if he was the anchor to safety, the only thing keeping her grounded from falling away. In that moment her father felt like the only person who would keep her safe.

David pressed a kiss into Emma's hair before pulling back to look her in the eye. A small smile graced his lips. "I wish I could tell you it gets easier the older they get." He chuckled lightly, clearly he was referring to Emma. "You're a great mom. Anytime you or Neal need a break you know we are here." Emma nodded as she blinked away her tears.

A few hours had passed when the station received a call about a fight that had broken out in the Rabbit hole. While David left to investigate, Emma had found herself taking refuge behind her desk again under the pretense of doing more important filing. She didn't feel like going home, not yet anyway.

The longer she avoided being there the better. Every second she was at home she felt claustrophobic as if she were trapped. She loved Neal but couldn't help but feel he was on her every second, incessantly talking about how happy he was and how much he loved her. He constantly wanted affection regardless whether it was kisses or just hugs. It was all too much. The worse thing was watching how good he was with Eva, he worshiped their little girl. Emma felt ashamed of herself for feeling jealous at how natural it was for Neal to bond with their baby. She had to get away and let her mind concentrate on something else.

Much to her surprise she was finding paperwork a welcome distraction that was until she felt her phone vibrating in her jean pocket. Slowly she dug it out and to no surprise she saw Neal's name flash across the screen. Sighing to herself she pressed the answer button. "Hi"

"Hey honey." His cheerful voice greeted her. He may have sounded happy but Emma still heard the tiredness in his voice.

In the background were the sounds of Henry make strange noises as he tried to entertain his little sister while his father was on the phone. For a moment she thought of what she was missing out on by not being at home.

"Henry is back from Regina's we were thinking of heading over to the diner in half an hour or so… You're still joining us right?" Neal asked when he had no response from Emma.

Just the thought of it sent a fresh wave of panic through her entire body. She imagined the inevitable questions from the town folk in diner. The way everyone would be cooing over her baby, congratulating them. She couldn't do it. "Sorry Neal I can't." She replied hoping he couldn't hear her voice shaking.

Emma heard shuffling on the other end of the phone followed by music from one of Eva's toys. Again she wondered what was happening at home. She was too afraid to ask as that involved her further into the conversation.

"What? Why?" Neal asked his voice now distant.

"We are pretty snowed under here." She replied more harshly than she intended, she instantly felt guilty. She was letting him down again.  
She heard Neal's sighed before he spoke again. "I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to have an hour's break?"

Emma gripped her phone in her tightly in her hand tightly. "I can't Neal I'm sorry," Her voice cracked slightly

"Hang on… Henry buddy, could you get that for me…" Luckily the sound of something falling to the floor behind Neal distracted him from noticing the tone in her voice. "Emma come on, we've missed you this morning." She knew he was trying to hide his frustration.

Emma felt her body flinch when she heard a small cry from her baby in the background. She felt a feeling of helplessness in the pit of her stomach. Her baby was crying out and all she could think about was herself and her needs. No staying away was best for everyone. "I know you have, but I have loads to do here." Her voice shook. The tears were coming back with vengeance.

"Emma!" Neal finally snapped. She pictured him on the other end of phone trying his best not to lose his temper in front of Henry. "You know what… I'm not doing this with you… I haven't got the time or energy for it. If you want to stay at work fine, but our daughter needs one of us."

"Neal…" Emma croaked weakly, her voice broke as she tried to hold back the tears.

"No I don't want to hear it." He interrupted her. "I have to go." He said before hanging up the phone.

"I need you…" She managed to choke out before she fell into heavy sobs. But it was too late he was gone from the other end of the line. She moved the phone down from her ear and placed it on the table.

She was alone and lost. Her hand went to her neck instinctively to clutch her necklace. It was what she always did to comfort herself, it was where she gained the last ounce of her strength.

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_**Coming up: Another flashback scene and Neal get's some much-needed advice from his Mother-in-law. Thanks for reading. **_


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you all once again for the reviews, favorites and follows. This will be the last update for a few days as I'm going away for the week. I hope to update again when I get back. Hope you enjoy the next chapter :) **

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**Chapter Four**

8 Months earlier …

Emma shifted uncomfortably on the cold plastic chair. She hated hospitals. The waiting room brought back her painful memories from her time in jail. Today was different though and for once she allowed those thoughts of the past to slip to the back of her mind.

Emma took a fleeting look at Neal, who sat at her side as promised. She couldn't help but notice how anxious he looked as he swayed tentatively back and forth in his seat. A small smile appeared on Emma's face as she watched Neal jiggle his leg up and down next to her. The keys to the bug rattled in his pocket. He was nervous. Reaching out with her hand, Emma gently squeezed his knee. Neal seemed to relax under the touch of her hand.

Today was Emma's first trimester screening. The couple had agreed to keep the news of their new arrival a secret until after the appointment. Emma was still debating if Neal was more worried about screening or announcing the news to their family.

The couple continued to sit in silence until Neal began drumming his fingers impatiently against the arm of the chair. Emma tried her best to hide her amusement. If he was nervous about a doctor's appointment then he was in for a big surprise when their baby made their appearance.

"Are you OK?" She asked. Neal nodded his head. She took his hand in hers and squeezed it reassuringly. His palm felt clammy against her skin. Gently she brushed her thumb back and forth over his knuckles. She watched as Neal looked down at their joint hands with a smile.

"Nervous?" She whispered softly.

Neal looked up at her. "Nah... Of course not!" He replied wrinkling his face up. Emma raised her eyebrows at him causing a small chuckle to escape his lips. "Well maybe a bit." He confessed.

"If you're nervous now, wait until we tell my parents I'm pregnant." Emma joked. She tried to keep her voice casual despite also feeling anxious herself about announcing news to them.

She watched as the color began to fade from his face. His forehead creased, "yeah about that…" Neal paused and swallowed hard.

Emma shook her head. "No chance Cassidy! You are not getting out of it." She interrupted before he finished. "Anyway I'm sure David wouldn't hurt you too much for taking advantage of his daughter." She joked as she tried to lighten the tension in the room.

Neal shook his head though a smile appeared on his face. He leaned over and placed his arm around her shoulders. "If I remember correctly, she was a very willing participant." He brazenly answered. "Anyway we're married and already have a child together.

"He just overprotective!" Emma laughed as leaned back against Neal. "But yeah I guess challenging you to a duel is a bit extreme."

"Pfft….Yeah well I'm pretty sure I'd beat him in a sword fight." Emma stared at him with one eyebrow raised. Suddenly a burst of laughter escaped her lips. Neal was being serious.

"What! I could," He protested crossing his arms across his chest. His sulking caused Emma to laugh even more. Neal pouted in mocked hurt but couldn't stop a small smile forming on his lips. This happened every time he heard the extraordinary sound of her laughter.

Emma's laughter died down but her smile remained. "I'm sure you'll be the same if we have a girl." Neal's face turned serious. She watched as his began to bite the corner bottom of his lip. This was a nervous habit of his. "What is it?" she asked softly.

"I think… Well…I…" Neal began to trip over his words slightly as he continued to torture his poor lip. "I'd like a girl," He finally answered wistfully.

Emma watched his face turned a shade of pink as he blushed in embarrassment. Normally she jumped at the chance to mock him but instead she smiled warmly at him. She hadn't really thought about the sex of their child. Of course a girl made sense, they had a son. Emma knew how to handle Cassidy men but a girl would be a mystery to her. She quickly stopped herself there. The baby being happy and healthy was all that mattered.

"I'm more worried about Henry." She sighed. How would he feel seeing his parents have another child? Seeing his sibling have the life he should have had.

"Henry will be fine." Neal reassured her. They both knew their son would be elated at having another brother and sister. It wouldn't surprise them if Henry already knew what was going on.

"Then we have to give him the talk," Emma added.

Neal frowned with confusion. "The talk?" He asked. "Oh the TALK." He realised what she had meant after she rolled her eyes at him

"Good luck with that." Emma replied with a slight laugh.

"What? Why just me?" Neal squirmed a little in his chair.

"I think it would be easier coming from you." The last person Henry should hear that from was his mother. Emma was far too aware how mortifying that was and she wanted to avoid scarring her son for life.

"Fine but if this one is a girl, she's all yours." Neal added.

Neal's words echoed in her head. The baby would be all hers, no one else's. The thought made her feel warm and she felt her body tingle all over. Emma was the happier now than she'd ever been. She didn't care if having a baby made her sick or distorted her body, she already loved their baby so much. She put her hand on her stomach, this time they would all be together.

Emma moved her other hand to Neal's cheek. "I love you," she whispered. With that she threw her arms round his neck, and pressed her mouth to his.

A young nurse entered the waiting room. "Mrs Cassidy," The couple broke away from their kiss. Emma smiled, though she was still getting used to the idea of not being a Swan, she loved it when she was address by her married name. Neal sprang up from his chair, relieved the wait was over. Emma stood up slowly, taking a deep breath.

"Would you like to come through?" The Nurse said as she ushered them through the door. Here goes Emma thought to herself.

* * *

Present day...

Neal stared at the phone for a few seconds instantly regretting hanging up on Emma so abruptly. He wanted to kick himself for losing his temper; his exhaustion and frustration had overpowered his rationalism.

A small part of him had wanted yell at her to 'snap out of it'. But what if he had been wrong, maybe Emma was being genuine and he was just imagining the problems. He ran his hand through his hair and let out an exasperated sigh.

"Mom isn't coming with us is she?" Henry's voice snapped him back into reality. The silence in the room had gone unnoticed by Neal far too long.

He looked sadly at Henry. He hadn't meant to behave that way in front of him. Whatever was happening or not with Emma he wanted to protect his children from it. He took a breath before answering. "No… She has a lot to do at the station."

Neal watched as the small smile dropped from his son's face. "So I guess we won't need these?" Henry asked a sad tone to his voice as he pointed to the two wooden swords on the table.

When Henry returned home, Neal had suggested them surprising Emma with a picnic. He had it all planned out. They would have picked a nice spot in the park where Emma would have sat with Eva while Henry practiced his sword fighting with his father. Neal swore he heard the excited cogs in Henry's head turning frenzy when he had suggested it. Now he watched as the disappointment formed on the boy's face.

"Sorry Buddy," Neal started as he tried to force a smile on his face. "But definitely next time, I promise." He reached out and placed his hand on his son shoulder.

"Dad, is Mom OK?" Henry asked, his eyes falling to the floor slightly.

Neal paused; the answer should have been simple. He could feel it resting on the tip of his tongue. A resounding 'yes' should have been easy to say, but his heart was stopping him. He hated having to pretend to his son. "Yeah she's fine." He lied. "Why?"

"No reason." Henry shrugged. Neal knew that look too well. Henry was similar to Emma when something was on their minds.

"Come on Henry. Out with it?" He asked. He felt almost ridiculous as he tried to seek information from his thirteen year old son. But he knew how observant his boy was. If anything was wrong with Emma, Henry would be the first one to notice.

"It's just… She has acted strange the last few weeks." Henry answered watching to see if his father would meet his eyes.

Neal wondered if Henry had inherited his mother's superpower. He was struggling to stay strong. "It nothing," He lied again. "She's just emotional at the moment, women stuff… You know." Neal chuckled, hoping it sounded convincing. "Go get your bag." He said trying to change the subject.

Once Henry was out of sight, Neal pulled his phone out from his pocket. He carefully scrolled through his list of contacts. After pressing the call button he put the phone to his ear and closed his eyes as he waited for the voice to arrive on the other end. He needed to make this call. Neal felt like he had to do something before things got out of control. The dial tone ended and a voice appeared at the other end. This was awkward.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone I'm back! Thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed so far, I love reading your comments, I am going to try as hard as I can to keep the updates coming regularly. I have a few big things planned in the next few chapters. **

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**Chapter 5  
**

Henry opened the door to the diner so his father could push the stroller through. Neal was still annoyed to find that Emma had taken the bug with her today. Walking across town with two kids and carrying Eva's baby bag was not easy.

"Thanks buddy." Neal smiled at Henry as he made his way into the diner.

Both of them jumped at the loud sound of happy squeals. Father and son spun round to see Ruby and Granny coming towards them, seeing their smiling faces made Neal finally relax.

"She's so beautiful." Ruby cooed peering into the stroller at the sleeping baby.

"You must be very proud." Granny added as she placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

Neal smiled proudly as he looked down at his daughter. "Thank you. But I can't take credit for that, she's all Emma."

Both women couldn't hold back the involuntary 'Aw.' Henry rolled his eyes and placed his hands in his pockets. He had heard his father use that line more than once over the last few weeks.

"Hey Henry." He almost jumped out of skin when he heard the voice from behind him. He turned round to see Grace standing there smiling at him.

Henry hurriedly looked to the floor before scratching his ear nervously. "Um… Hi Grace." He said dumbly, not really knowing what else to say. He felt his face going red as he bit his lip through his smile.

"You're little sister is cute." She replied, shuffling slightly with her own nerves.

"Um yeah thanks…" Henry continued to smile, albeit with his face scarlet from embarrassment.

Neal squinted at the pair suspiciously but he couldn't hold back the smirk forming on his lips. He couldn't tell if Henry was just embarrassed or if he was trying to cover the obvious little romance that had blossomed between them.

Noticing his son was now struggling to find something to say to Grace, he made his way over to Henry. Neal threw a protective arm around his son's shoulders. "Henry why don't you go order whatever you like? And whatever Grace wants too."

"Thank you Mr Cassidy," Grace smiled politely at Neal.

Neal smirked as he watched the young couple awkwardly make their way over to one of the booths. "I think your big brother has a crush, yes he does." Neal joked to Eva in a silly baby voice as he playfully tickled her tiny foot.

He made his way over to the booth opposite Henry and Grace. He looked down at his watch, he was early they had agreed to meet at two.

Neal's heart beat faster and faster as the minutes ticked by. He stared at his untouched lunch as he picked apart the burger bun in front of him. His mind was on Emma. He ran through all the things she could be doing or feeling now. But it always came back to the same thing; she was alone in station instead of here with her family.

Every logical fibre of his being was longing to get up and head over to the station to see her but that small flicker of doubt kept him pinned to his seat. He felt guilty going behind his wife's back, but he had to talk to someone. Whatever was going on with Emma, it wasn't right.

"Hi," Neal looked up to the voice and felt comforted to see Snow smiling down at him, brushing her fringe out of her face.

"Hey," He returned the smile and gestured to the seat in front of him which his mother in law promptly took.

"Sorry to interrupt, but here's Eva's bottle." Ruby smiled as she placed the warm bottle of milk on the table.

"Thanks Ruby." Neal smiled.

"Bottle feeding already?" Snow asked raising her eyebrow in surprise.

Neal nodded mutely as he scooped a fork of lukewarm fries into his mouth. He hoped he didn't have to respond to Snow's question. He too thought bottle feeding Eva was too soon, but Emma had been insistent and he didn't have the nerve to disagree with her. They had agreed on the night feeds only but now it seemed every time. If he was honest with himself, he could not remember the last time he saw her nurse their daughter.

Snow was just about to ask another question when a from the cry from the stroller interrupted her. Neal instantly lifted his daughter into his arms. Eva snuffled before letting out another whimper as she resumed her fractious cries. Neal held his baby close to his chest as he rocked her backwards and forwards.

Eva continued to cry, her cheeks red and tiny tear drops rolled from the corner of her eyes. Neal cradled her with one arm while patting her nappy padded bottom with the other.

"May I?" Snow asked shyly as she looked over to her Granddaughter.

"Yeah sure," Neal smiled warmly. He placed his baby daughter into Snow's open arms.

"Hey Eva. Aw.. hush now its okay." Snow cooed softly to the baby in arms.

"She is a little fussy." Neal said as he watched Snow try to give Eva her bottle.

"Hey... Hey… It's okay Eva… You're just missing your Mommy aren't you?" Snow kept whispering to the baby. She rocked her gently in her arms as she tried to quell the cries which were slowly quieting down. She could not help but admire the beautiful baby cradled close to her. She was perfect with her wispy blonde hair and sparkling hazel eyes that slowly faded away as her eye lids closed.

"She's gorgeous." Snow sighed. She was unable to take her eyes off Eva as she began to fall asleep. A small laugh escaped Snow's lips as her granddaughter gave a wide yawn without bothering to open her tiny eyes.

Snow closed her own eyes for a moment as she imagined how it felt when Emma was in her arms. Even though they had spent little time together she still remembered everything.

She remember the weight of Emma in her arms, the way she smelt. She remembered her daughter's eyes were big and full of life. Emma just started at her, those beautiful wide eyes locked on hers. Snow could have just looked at her daughter forever. She remembered placing a small gentle kiss on her baby's head before she placed her into Charming's arms. Snow still heard Emma's cries as she left the room for the wardrobe. She sighed as she opened her eyes.

Snow smiled over at Neal who through the entire exchange had kept uncharacteristically quiet. "She's stubborn but beautiful just like her mother," She smiled, she was not sure why she had said that but she needed to fill the now empty silence.

"Yeah she is… She's perfect." Neal replied, allowing himself an indulgent smile which faded almost instantly.

"Neal, this is none of my business but has something happened? It's just you don't normally invite me out for coffee."

Neal was not sure how to broach the subject of Emma. He hated how difficult this conversation would be. He ran his hand through his hair as he tried to push the intense feeling of tiredness away. "I'm worried about Emma." He finally admitted.

"Emma?" Snow asked somewhat surprised.

"She's not been acting herself and…"

"Neal, she's just had a baby, she's just a little emotional at the moment." She smiled warmly at him. It was clear the lack of sleep was beginning to take hold of them.

"I know… I know… I thought the same at first but… This is different." Neal nervously fiddled with the end of his scarf, unable to meet Snow's eyes.

Snow had to admit she did find it strange when Charming had told her Emma was back at the station. "Neal I'm sure it's nothing." She knew it was never just nothing when it came to her daughter.

"Yeah you're right… It's probably nothing." Neal whispered. "I just wish she would talk to me." He shamefully admitted. Neal began to feel hesitant to explain his concerns, but Snow was the only other person he felt he could talk too. "She seems to just shut down when I'm near. It's easy for me to do the wrong thing with her and hard to know what the right thing is. It's never been like that between us."

Snow felt a sense of sadness wash over her at Neal's words. They had both been through so much, they both been lied too and abandoned so many times, if anyone deserved some happiness it was Emma and Neal. Snow had truly believed her daughter had found that with Neal. Just seeing them together, everyone could tell how in love their where, even before they had admitted it to each other. She tried to say some comforting words to her son-in-law but instead chose to listen.

"It's not just me. She thinks I haven't noticed, but she pushes Eva away all the time… I just I don't know what to do anymore." The words spilled out from Neal. He had tried to avoid showing his concerns at all costs but the words just slipped from his lips. He had seen first-hand a marriage breaking down. His own parents were a prime example.

Snow hesitated for a second before she drew a breath. She knew all too well how difficult it was to break through those walls of Emma's.

"Sorry." Neal began to laugh embarrassed. "I don't know why I'm saying all this."

"No. It's alright." Snow reached her hand out and gently touched Neal's. Neal smiled back at Snow, grateful for having someone to talk too, especially now.

"Neal, Emma loves you and her family very much. Maybe she is just finding being a new mom a little hard and she just doesn't know how to tell you." Snow paused for moment. She could see from Neal's eyes he was afraid. He was afraid of losing Emma and his family again.

"It's second nature to Emma to push you away and shutdown. I should know. But admitting how she feels is just too hard. Maybe… Maybe you need to push her a bit."

Neal looked skeptically towards Snow. She had just spoken the very words that he needed to hear. Maybe pushing Emma a little would be a good thing? Yet he still felt unsure. Neal shuffled in his seat as he considered it. Was it really the right thing to do?

"I don't know if that would work." He muttered. Once again his fears came to the surface. He knew Emma was not one you could force into anything.

"Try it and if it doesn't work then I can always talk to her for you." Snow smiled.

"Thank you." Neal replied and gently squeezed Snow's hand in a gesture of gratitude.

A small idea now began to form in his mind, even though he was still unsure about pushing his wife. Neal would do anything for Emma and his family even with the doubt and uncertainty of their future hanging over him. He knew it always would until they were happy again and he would do anything to get them back there.

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_Coming up: Does Neal push Emma to far? And Emma gets some advice from an unlikely person. _


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you all again for the reviews :) This chapter does contain another flashback scene. Hope you enjoy it! **

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**Chapter Six**

**Five months earlier…**

Emma pulled her vest top down over her swollen and ever-expanding stomach. She smiled and put a hand on her belly. She wondered where all the time had went. She couldn't believe that almost two months had passed since her first scan.

Emma leaned back on the sofa. Her black vest now stretched tight over her bump. She lifted her other hand to her stomach. A small laugh escaped her lips as she felt the baby kick and turn inside her. Gently she rubbed her hand over her swollen belly.

"Hey Kid," She whispered.

Every time she spoke, her baby kicked harder against the palm of her hand causing Emma to laugh even more. The more she laughed the more the baby moved, in the now endless cycle they had begun.

Neal leaned against the door frame, his hair sticking up in different directions. He yawned quietly to himself. A huge grin was on his face as he watched his wife laugh away to herself, taking to their unborn child. He had awoken to the sound of Emma's laughter. It was the sound he wanted to hear every single day of his life. His stomach lurched a little when he remembered how close he came to losing her. Neal couldn't imagine his life without her.

He continued to look at Emma on the sofa, smiling away to herself. The grin on his face grew larger. Emma instantly stopped when she sensed someone else in the room. She turned her head round and smiled when she saw Neal watching her with that stupid grin on his face.

Emma blushed before lent further back on the sofa. "Hey." She smiled.

"Enjoying yourself?" He teased her as he walked over to the sofa and sat beside her.

Emma rolled her eyes but continued to smile. Without saying another word she took Neal's hand in hers and placed it on her stomach. Her smile grew as she watched his eyes widened in wonder.

"Wow! I still can't get over how incredible this is." He whispered and looked up at her. Emma hummed lightly; she loved these quiet moments they shared together.

Neal smiled, he loved how warm and maternal she looked. "This is our baby Emma," he replied and turned his attention back to her swollen bump. Emma nodded and brushed her hand gently through his messy hair.

"I love you Emma," Neal tone hushed as he looked back up at her.

Emma brushed the side of his face lightly with her fingertips. "I love you too," she whispered as she placed a gently kiss on his cheek.

It seemed nothing else existed outside of the little bubble they had created. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment as their baby kicked away. Then Emma drew away from him with a light sigh. She was reluctant to lose the close feeling she felt between them but was she was also overwhelmed by the emotion she felt from his gaze.

Neal sat back with her. He felt a little disappointed that she had pulled back. He gave a small inaudible sigh and he gently twisted a strand of her hair with his finger.

"Sorry if I woke you." Emma spoke softly.

Neal took her hand in his and intertwined their fingers together. "I'm glad you did." He lifted her hand to lips and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles. "But it's still late and you need to get some rest." He added.

Emma tried her best not to roll her eyes again, Neal's constant concern what starting to drive her crazy. "But I'm not tired." She pouted playfully at him causing a small chuckle to escape his lips.

"Come on," Neal extended his hand towards her as he stood up from the sofa. Quietly they made their way back to their bedroom.

"I think we have a least a few more hours before Henry wakes up," Neal said quietly to Emma as he pulled back the covers and quickly slipped between the blankets.

Emma did not reply she turned on her side to face him. Her fingers caressed the side of his face again before hold his checks in the palm of her hand. Neal closed his eyes and turned his head and placed tiny kisses on each of her fingertips. He wanted to tell her to go back to sleep but he was enjoying her touch too much to put an end to it so soon.

He opened his eyes to see her emerald-green one staring back at his. He gently brushed the loose hair away from her face before closing his eyes again.

Neal felt Emma's lips press up against his in one of her simple kisses. He loved it when Emma kissed him this way. The kiss was soft and held no urgency or desperation. It was just full with all the love she had for him.

Neal brought a hand up to cup her face, the kiss now began to get intense. He felt Emma's fingers dance along his chest. He knew she had no intention of going back to sleep.

Suddenly Emma groaned in his mouth and pulled away from him. She felt annoyed that she had to move away from Neal but she had no choice. What had felt uncomfortable now transformed into a sharp pain in her lower back.

"Hey what's it is honey?" Neal asked. He opened his eyes to see Emma wriggling around on their bed as she moved on her back. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked again his eyes full of concern.

"No it's just… It started to hurt being on my side." She tried to explain to him but she could still see the confusion on his face. "The weight of the baby caused my back to hurt that's all." She smiled softly at him.

Emma tried to hold back a giggle as she watched Neal ponder over what she had just told him. He could be so innocent at times and she wondered how he would be when their baby made their entrance into the world.

"Oh ok." He replied. She watched as his forehead creased. "But I can still kiss you right?"

"Yes Neal! You can still kiss me." Emma laughed. She placed her had on the back of his head and pulled him close to her.

As the kiss became more intimate Emma wanted more than just a kiss from him. She slipped her hands over his chest and round his back pulling him closer to him. She heard a small moan escape his lips as he moved towards her. Emma whispered in his ear not to get too carried away.

"I can't help it." Neal whispered back as he kissed her more hungrily.

Emma wrapped her arms around him and pulled him so he was partly on top of her. This made it easier for her to kiss him and for her to brush her hands up and down his back. She place one hand into his hair and playfully tugged it as their kiss grew more heated.

"Emma wait a second." Neal mumbled into her mouth.

Emma groaned in frustration as he pulled away from her. That was the last thing she wanted to hear at this precise moment.

"What now Neal?" She grumbled, slightly annoyed at him. She watched has his eyes nervously lowered to her swollen stomach.

"The baby." He whispered.

Emma's eyes soften. He didn't want to hurt their baby. "It's ok Neal trust me, it anything starts to feel uncomfortable I'll tell you." She smiled.

"Umm so how do we do this?" He asked.

Emma propped herself up on her elbows. "Try resting your weight on your knees." She instructed.

Neal quickly followed her instructions and partly straddled her hips. They both would have laughed at the situation if they weren't so eager to return to their passion as quickly as possible. They had never been interrupted by practicality before, well not since they lived in the bug.

They both smiled at each other before Neal leaned forward and placed his mouth back to hers.

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**Present day.**

It was late when Emma finally stepped back into the warm, welcoming house that she had deserted so early this morning. Upon entering she noticed that no lights were on expect for the dim light of Henry's lamp shining out from underneath his bedroom door.

Emma quietly dumped her keys down on the counter and shrugged off her jacket. The house remained still and the only noise was the ticking of the clock on the wall. She gently rubbed her forehead. She felt drained, so much emotionally had happened today. Her argument with Neal on the phone still played on her mind.

Quietly she made her way over to Henry's room and slowly opened the door. Her eyes landed on the sleeping form of her son.

A comic book lay opened upon his chest, he probably fell asleep reading it. Carefully she removed the book from the loose grip of his non-responsive hands. Emma placed the comic down on the bedside table. She leaned down and place a gentle kiss on Henry's forehead.

"Goodnight Henry," She whispered softly not wanting to disturb the quiet atmosphere with her tired voice. She turned off the lamp and made her way out of the room.

Emma made her way down the hall only stopping when she reached the door of the nursery. There was only silence coming from Eva's nursery, Emma wanted to go in and check on her daughter, but something inside her was stopping her. The persistent pounding her head started to become heavier. _What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she be the mother she hoped she would be? _

Instead she turned to face the door to hers and Neal's bedroom. She took one last deep breath before slowly pushing the door open.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey, thank you again to everyone who reviewed and followed. I hope to update every Wednesday and Sunday. The next few chapters will be a bit intense but I really hope you guys continue reading and reviewing. I love hearing what you think and your guesses about where the story is going. **

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**Chapter 7**

Emma opened the door as she tried to hold her breath. She wiped her eyes as she desperately tried to stop the tears but to no avail. She stood in the open doorway unable to force her feet to move any further. Emma raised her tremulous hand to smother her sobs as the tears continued to trickle down her cheeks.

She looked over to her husband who was sleeping soundly. Dark circles had formed under Neal's eyes over the last few weeks due to his lack of sleep and her reluctance to help with their new-born daughter.

Sighing Emma crept into the bedroom. The floorboards creaked slightly under her feet. Silently she removed her clothes and slipped into her pyjamas. Her sobs seemed amplified in the silence as she approached their bed. Gently she pulled back the blankets and climbed into bed. Her body finally relaxed against the soft mattress. She laid there and stared up at the ceiling. She hated the silence in the room because silences always lead to thinking and thinking was just too hard.

Her entire body ached laying this close to him. _Would he understand if she told him the truth about how she had felt since the birth of their daughter?_ She felt terrified of his judgement. The rational part of her brain reminded her that Neal loved her and would be there not matter what. He wouldn't leave her again, not now they were finally a family.

"Honey?" She heard him call out into the darkness. From the tone of his voice he was still half asleep.

"Hey," Emma whispered as she fought to keep her voice calm swallowing down her guilt. The tension in the room was unbearable.

"What time is?" Neal asked as he slowly opened his eyes.

"It's late, get some rest." She mumbled in reply turning her back to him. She silently wished he would listen to her and go back to sleep.

Instead Neal yawned. "I'm awake now." He threw his arm around her body tightly. "I was worried about you." He whispered into her ear.

Emma brushed her hands over her face removing the trace of her tears as she tried to hide her emotions. The concern he had for her made her feel worse. She gently turned around in arms to face him. She took a deep breath, she wanted to give in and tell him everything and be done with it. Her heart pounded in her chest maybe it wasn't too late to fix this.

"Neal I…." At this very moment she paused, as she stuttered over her words. In reality only a few seconds had passed but for Emma it felt like hours. Her pause didn't go unnoticed by Neal. He was watching her intensely.

"Neal, about earlier I'm sorry." She suddenly rushed out.

Neal lifted his hand to cup her cheek. "I'm sorry too I shouldn't have snapped." He softly stroked the side of her cheek with the pad of his thumb. He chose to ignore the damp feeling of her skin.

Neal was always so kind and gentle with her. He was a good man who cared deeply about everyone. He looked at her softly with his wide brown eyes, calming her slightly. His hand ran through her hair as his brushed the loose strands away from her face.

Neal was protective of her and his family. He was always forgiving too. It made her feel so guilty. For now she would push her own feelings aside, she did not want to cause him any pain, she loved him too much. Maybe in time things would get better.

"Do you know what the best part of arguing is? Making up!" He raised his eyebrows suggestively. He was completely oblivious to how close she was to telling him what was truly going on inside her head.

Neal wrapped his arms firmly round Emma's waist as he pulled her close to him. "We should argue more often." He whispered into her ear as he nuzzled into the crook of her neck. Emma let herself laugh, surprised by the sound she hadn't forced this time. His warm breath caused her skin to tingle.

She placed her arms around his neck letting one hand brush through his hair. Neal pressed his lips against hers in a hard passionate embrace which she felt reluctant to return. This was happening all too quick. It seemed Neal was racing ahead; her mind or body had not caught up with him yet.

Emma no longer remembered what felt real anymore. The thin line between reality and the role she played became blurred. For weeks it felt like she was watching a different a person, performing the tasks her family expected of her.

She was vaguely aware of the sound of Neal's low moan as he rolled them over. She felt her body being pushed backwards as he pinned her with his strong frame. The barely concealed guilty began to rise again in the pit of her stomach.

Neal revelled in the feeling of Emma's body against him. He tried to remember the last time she had let him get this close to her. He slowly broke away from their kiss so he could look at her. His eyes shone with love and pride as he stared at the beautiful woman who had claimed his heart.

If only for a moment he allowed himself to forget all his worries from earlier. He convinced himself that it was all in his imagination, that Emma was truly happy. Deep down he knew it was a lie, he could see it in her eyes though she hid it well. As he gazed into her eyes he made a promise to himself that he would make the lies true again no matter what he had to do, he would fix them.

Emma breathed heavily as she tried to force the air back into her lungs. She desperately tried to control her breathing; she was unable to tell if it was want or fear she felt. She gasped again before as Neal's mouth moved to hers once more.

Their tongues battled for dominance as the kiss grew more intense. Uncharacteristic of Emma, she surrendered and allowed him to take control of the kiss. His tongue massaged hers softly. She held on to his shoulders as he made her body tremble. The kiss made her feel weak; Emma felt her body giving over to him. She tried to put all her anxiety to the back of her mind and enjoy the feeling of her husband's lips on hers.

Emma felt Neal's hands move slowly down the spine of her back. His fingertips traced formless patterns and they danced up and down her back. Her eyes began to sting as new tears formed at the feeling of Neal's familiar touch. Although her mind was mess she couldn't deny it, she wanted him. She wanted him so badly. She needed him to take the pain away and show her how much he loved her. She needed him to know that she still loved him too. But Emma knew this had to stop because she couldn't do. To let him make love to her like this wasn't fair to him.

Neal finally broke away from the kiss only to pull her forward into him more. His lips moved hungrily to the column of her throat as he placed hot kisses across her pulse that was racing rapidly, in panic.

Emma felt his hands move under her thin vest top and brush across her stomach. She squeezed her eyelids shut as she felt fresh tears beginning to burn on the brim of her eyes. "Mmm…. Neal… Stop!" She gasped as his hands moved to the waist band of her pyjamas bottoms.

Neal stopped almost instantly. He lifted himself up on his elbows and hovered above her. She watched as he frowned with concern in his eyes, his face flushed and his breath heavy. "Emma, what is it?" He asked.

Emma felt a wave of love for him which broke through her guilt for a moment.

"It's okay if you would rather get some sleep." He whispered softly, worried that she hadn't answered him.

"No it's just… We can't… I can't." She pushed him away from her firmly. He looked at her confused. "I'm sorry. It's still too soon." Her voice shook as she again lied to him.

"Oh ok," He sighed slightly as he tried to hide his disappointment. For a moment he allowed himself to believe everything was okay again

Emma could see that Neal was not convinced by her lie. She held his hand in hers and took a moment to kiss each of his fingertips. "Sorry." She whispered.

"Hey, you don't need to say sorry it's not your fault. But just so you know, I'll be here when you're ready," He smiled softly at her.

"Neal…." Emma began to speak when the sounds of Eva's cries filled the room.

Neal groaned and rolled on side so his back was now facing Emma. He grumbled as he buried his head in his pillow

Emma's eyes flickered nervously towards the sound of her daughter's cries then back at Neal. She gently tapped him on the shoulder. "Neal, the baby she's crying." She bit her lip awaiting his response but dreading it at the same time. She already knew his answer.

Neal groaned and turned to face Emma who gave him 'that' look. "Aw hell no Emma!" He complained. He knew exactly what she wanted, she wanted him to leave the comfort of their bed to tend to their baby. He shook his head, "I've been with her all day it's definitely your turn."

Neal looked at Emma waiting for a response but she just stared back at him and shifted timidly on the bed.

"But I… you are…. I…" Emma's voiced trailed off as she tried desperately to find an excuse not to tend to her baby. She could feel Neal's eyes fixed on her intently, his gaze made her feel more uncomfortable. "Fine." She muttered in defeat.

She lifted back the blankets and swung her feet out of the bed. "There's still a few made up bottles in the fridge right?_" _She anxiously asked.

He could see her discomfort as she bit her lip again. Her eyes resolutely looked everywhere but at him. But he had to stay strong; he was doing this for all of them. "Uh no." He replied and turned back away from her. Neal knew if he continued to look at her she would know he was lying.

"What do you mean 'NO' Neal? I made enough of them." Emma yelled. She hadn't expected to raise her voice. She immediately regretted it and turned her face away as her teeth continued to chew her bottom lip.

"Well, I kind of dropped them," He lied again his face winced. He hadn't the bottles were still exactly where Emma had left them. But if he could just get her to nurse their baby maybe she would start to bond more with Eva.

"What?" Emma interrupted, her eyes widened as she looked incredulously and worriedly at Neal. She found bottle feeding Eva a struggle but breast-feeding, she couldn't even bring herself to contemplate the idea.

Their daughter cries had now turned to screams which echoed around their bedroom like a siren. Eva demanded her mother's immediate attention.

"Why are we even arguing over this?" Neal snapped in frustration. He turned back to face her. His eyes softened when he looked at her. He was unable to ignore the despondent and frightened stare that graced her features. "You haven't seen Eva all day I'm sure she wants her mom more than a bottle." He smiled at her in encouragement.

Emma felt the tears in her eyes again but she refused to shed them. Her heart pounded as she tried to contain her tears. She felt like she couldn't breathe. Emma opened her mouth to speak but couldn't force the words to come out. Admitting how terrified she was would show her vulnerability, she was always the strong one. Instead she shakily returned his smile and turned to leave the room.

Neal watched as Emma made her way out of the bedroom before he flopped back down on the bed. He felt bad lying to her about the bottles but he was taking Snow's advice, maybe this was the little push she needed. Then why did he feel so guilty?


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey, thank you once again for all the reviews and follows. I hope you all enjoy this next update. There's some big stuff coming up so I hope you'll all keep reading and reviewing.**

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**Chapter 8**

Emma took a deep shaky breath as she stepped out of their bedroom, closing the door behind her. She wiped her eyes and cheeks with the back of hand, removing the signs of her tears. She was desperately trying to hide the show of emotions on face. She worried Neal might decide to follow after her.

Crossing her arms tightly over her chest for comfort, Emma silently made her way down the hall. Her daughter's cries sounded louder and louder the closer she got to the nursery. Her tears had slowed but continued to brim the corner of her eyes as reached the door to Eva's nursery.

The door creaked slightly as she opened it. The room was dim; the blinds that hung loosely at the window had blocked any light from outside. She noticed the night-light which hung by the cot was still on. The light illuminated the pink rosy face of her baby daughter.

Eva's loud cries slowly soften to a whimper. She must have sensed her mother's presence in the doorway.

Emma stood motionless for a moment before creeping slowly towards the baby's cot. Her footsteps were soft, she was almost tiptoeing across the room wary to approach her baby girl.

Once Emma finally reached the cot she stopped to look down at her daughter. She sighed softly when she saw the tiny tear drops in the corners of Eva's eyes. Her round cheeks were crimson pink and the fair strands of her blond hair stuck up slightly. Her little feet kicked out as she tried to untangle herself from her baby blanket.

Emma felt the fear explode inside her as Eva met her gaze, her hazel eyes stared directly into her mother's emerald-green ones. They stared at each other's eyes as the tears pound silently down both their cheeks.

The two of them stared at each other for a while longer before Emma looked away uncomfortably. What was wrong with her? This was her beautiful little girl who was so full of life and so much like both her parents.

Emma sat down cautiously on the chair at the side of the cot. She slowly slid her hand through the bars of the crib. Her hand trembled as she reached out and touched her daughter's face. She felt her baby's warm and clammy skin as she gently ran her finger down her soft cheek.

Feeling Eva's soft skin beneath her fingertips brought back the memories of when she first held her daughter. The tears slowly began to trail down Emma's face. The memory of Eva's birth was still so raw and the emotions almost floored her. She rarely allowed herself to think of that day, not in detail.

Emma swallowed her guilt thickly. She brushed her finger under her baby's tiny palm. She felt her daughter's little fingers curl around hers. Eva gripped her mother's finger tightly with her tiny pink little fist.

The tears continued to flow relentlessly down Emma's cheeks. She sighed and almost reached to hold her Swan Charm necklace with her free hand. This was a nervous habit she started over the years, every time she felt scared, nervous or upset she held her necklace close to her heart. She shuffled the seat closer to the cot so she could run her finger gently over Eva's face once more. This was the closet Emma had been with her daughter since her birth. She softly stroked her baby's blonde wispy hair back down.

Everyone said Mother and daughter were so a like but Emma couldn't get her head around it. She wondered how something so perfect and beautiful came from her, Eva was like an angel. Her baby deserved better than her for a mother.

Part of her wanted to pour her heart out to her little girl. But the words would just be apologies and empty promises. Emma wanted her baby. She wanted to give Eva comfort and wipe away her tears, but she couldn't do it.

Eva seemed to settle as she enjoyed the feeling of her mother's touch on her soft skin, taking all the comfort she had longed for in such a long time.

For the briefest of moments Eva settled down and her eyelids slowly closed. Emma breathed out in relief; maybe her daughter wasn't hungry after all. But apparently her baby's small tummy had other ideas. Emma froze for a second; she felt her daughter's body began to quake as her cries started again.

Emma's heart thumbed unpleasantly in her chest and she felt the bile rise in the back of her throat. She felt sick with fear.

Bravely she stood up and reached down to take Eva in her arms. She lifted her daughter up out of the cot and held her close. Emma felt herself stagger for a moment as she positioned the weight of her baby to the side of her. Eva continued to cry but now into her mother's shoulder as she tried to seek the same warmth from earlier.

Emma wiped her own cheeks with one hand. Her heart was swelling with sadness. She should have been able to comfort her daughter and take away her tears. But she couldn't help but feel like she was the cause of them. Eva was never this distraught around Neal.

Emma decided to take them over to the rocking chair in the corner. She stroked her daughter's head and tried to lower her cries. The last thing she needed now was to disturb Neal_._ She knew her husband would come to the nursery to help her. She couldn't handle an audience while she attempted the impossible, nursing her baby.

Emma had struggled with this right from the start. Even after all the advice and guidance from the midwife, she was still unsuccessful, Eva wouldn't take to her breast. There had only been one time where Emma had managed to nurse her daughter without the help of the midwife and the experience had left her traumatized.

She felt too ashamed to seek help or even talk to Neal about how she felt. Neal had this idea of a perfect family in his head and she couldn't bring herself to crush it.

She enveloped her daughter in her arms and she lowered them both down gently on the chair. Her baby buried her head into her mother's chest before Emma even had time to lower her top**.**

Eva screamed when her mouth reached up to only find the fabric. Emma's fingers trembled as she fumbled to lower the strap of vest top with her free hand. She could feel her little girl's body shaking with sobs at being denied. The thought of looking down at Eva's desperate face broke her heart.

Emma felt her breathing increase as she eventually managed to lower her top down. She bit her lip as the fear and panic ripped through. Her eyes refused to look down. Instead she stared at a blind spot on the wall and disassociated herself from what was about to happen. She let out a dry sob as she waited for Eva to latch to her breast, but nothing.

"Please Eva please…" Emma whispered almost inaudibly. She stared listlessly at the wall, the tears trickling down her cheeks, the sadness piercing her heart again and again.

Emma closed her eyes firmly as she tried to block out her daughter's cries. She just wanted some happiness and she wanted the family she had desperately longed for.

"Please… please…" She continued to whisper as she rocked back and forth in the chair. The tears flowed from her eyes.

"Emma?" Neal's husky voice echoed around the room.

Emma froze at the sound. She slowly opened her eyes but kept them on the floor. She felt like a criminal caught in the act. She had no idea how long he had stood there or how much he had witnessed. Emma quickly pulled her vest strap back up. She felt uncomfortable now he was in room.

Neal blinked in shock at the sight in front of him. He paused and watched as Emma had almost leapt back in the chair. Her big green eyes frantically looked everywhere but at him or the baby in her arms.

He opened his mouth to speak but couldn't find the words. Emma's entire demeanour, the way she was so silent, scared and fearful, it broke his heart. The tears began to brim his eyes. He yearned to take his wife and daughter in his arms but he felt too scared to move towards them. He hadn't expected this to happen.

"Emma," he breathed, his voice was a strangled gasp as he struggled to get a hold of himself. "What… What's going on? Are you okay?" He asked, the desperation and panic in his voice, making the words sound much more abrupt than intended.

He watched as Emma pulled her arms tighter round her and the baby. The pain in her eyes were unbearable to look at. Neal felt like someone had grabbed hold of his throat making it almost impossible to breathe. He was completely unsure how to discuss the situation. He didn't want to make anything worse.

When Emma didn't respond Neal walked gradually and very warily towards her. When he reached the rocking chair he knelt in front of Emma and tried to look up into her eyes. The curtain of blonde hair and her stubborn refusal to acknowledge his presence made it impossible. He sighed as his brow furrowed in sadness. He had to think of way to ease this situation.

Neal cautiously reached forward and placed a hand on Emma's knee. He gently squeezed and his thumb brushed back and forth over her leg. He could feel her leg shaking beneath his hand. He tried to let his touch soothe her but every few seconds he felt her leg tense.

"Emma, look at me… Please?" He pleaded softly. The tears threatened to come but Neal forced them back.

He watched as she slowly, without moving her head, lifted her eyes up to meet his. They were full of sadness.

Emma looked terrified; "Neal… I… I can't do this… I'm sorry…"

She instantly placed Eva into his arms. Before Neal could say another word Emma had raced out of the room. He wanted to go after her but he needed to tend to his daughter first. "Hey it's okay honey, daddy's here, everything will be okay…"

Emma had made her way along the hall and entered the bathroom. She slammed the door behind her and twirled the lock into place.

She sat down on the closed toilet seat lid and raised her shaky hands to cover her eyes, Emma felt like her whole world had just fallen apart.

It was killing her to think that she had just left her baby crying. Eva was hungry and needed her mother, Emma was the only one who could give her what she wanted and she had just abandoned her. All those months of waiting for her daughter to arrive, all those dreams of being a loving mother were now tarnished forever. There was no way she could lie to Neal anymore. She needed help, she needed her family.

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_Will Emma finally open up to Neal in the next chapter or will his little white lie backfire on him?_


	9. Chapter 9

Hey** everyone. Thank you once again for the reviews and follows.** **Please keep reviewing and giving feedback it really does help. **

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**Chapter 9**

Emma stood up on her trembling legs. Her whole body felt too light and too heavy at the same time. She leant over the sink and turned on the cold tap. She looked up and stared at herself in the mirror. She looked dreadful, her face was pace and her eyes still red. She splashed the cold water over her face before leaning back on the sink. Her hands gripped the edge of the sink, her fingers clenched so hard that they turned white from the pressure.

Emma looked at her face again as she felt another wave of guilt hit her. _How could she be so selfish to leave her distress baby behind?_

A sickening feeling overcame her as she thought about what she was doing now, hiding in the bathroom. She had just abandoned Eva. Okay she had Neal but he couldn't give what she needed, she needed her mom

Emma shook her head to clear her thoughts._ No! She wasn't abandoning her baby_. She sighed to herself if she couldn't nurse her daughter, she could at least make her a new bottle. It wasn't what her baby wanted, she wanted her mother, but there was no alternative. Emma wanted to curse herself for not just doing that in the first place. A tiny part of her had hoped that she would have been able to nurse Eva. She so desperately wanted that bond with her daughter.

Her heart dropped at the thought of seeing Neal, she had let him down. Even though she didn't want to face him, she knew her baby needed her. Emma took one last deep breath and unlocked the bathroom door.

She walked down the hall into the kitchen, Neal was nowhere in sight. He must have been in the nursery trying to calm Eva. The guilt crept in again. She couldn't ask for a better husband or father to her children then Neal.

Emma still felt a strong sense of responsibility. No matter what had just happened Eva still needed feeding. She moved to the kitchen to fetch an empty bottle. She stopped almost instantly as she entered the kitchen. A half empty bottle of milk stood on the counter.

At first Emma was barely convinced that she had actually seen it, she thought that her tears had blurred her vision or that maybe she had imagined it. She quickly moved her hand to wipe away the tears again but the bottle remained on the counter.

Emma felt her chest tighten as she walked over to it. She took the bottle in her hand and to her surprise it was still warm. Her breath caught in her throat and her head began to spin. Her body felt hot like she was burning up and her eyes stung with fresh tears, suddenly nothing made sense.

Neal had lied to her about dropping the bottles. _Why would he lie to her?_ Emma felt like she couldn't breathe and everything felt blurred.

A million different thoughts entered her mind all at once leaving her unable to think straight. No matter how many times she turned the thoughts around in head they still made no sense.

Suddenly her breath began to quicken as it all clicked into place. _Neal had set her up!_ She could have avoided the disaster in Eva's nursery. _This was all Neal's fault!_

She slammed the bottle back down on the counter. Her legs wobbled as she made her way back to their bedroom. She leaned heavily on the edge of the bed as her entire body shook uncontrollably.

Her eyes looked around their room everything looked so different; she didn't feel at home here anymore. For a moment her eyes began to fill with tears again and her bottom lip quivered, she knew deep down Neal wasn't to blame but a part of her needed an excuse for her behavior and this was it.

An unnatural coldness took over her body as she stood up from the bed that they had shared. She moved in a trance like state to her wardrobe and pulled out a pair of jeans and her jacket.

She had to get out of the house, she couldn't face seeing him or listening to his lies. Her hands started to shake again but she held the tears back. She pulled on her jeans and put her jacket on.

The sound of Neal saying goodnight to Eva made her jump and she spun round to face the door. Her stomach began to churn as she knew any moment he was going to enter the bedroom.

Neal slowly closed the nursery door behind him. The plan of pushing Emma had gone terribly wrong. He thought it would bring his wife and daughter closer together instead he couldn't help but feel he pushed them further apart.

He sighed heavily to himself. All he wanted to do now was to see the woman he loved and to tell her that everything would be okay, even though he wasn't sure of it himself. He was now more determined to find out what was really going on with Emma.

He slowly made his way down the hall in search of her. With every footstep he took, Neal felt his heart race faster. He cleared his throat and licked his lips nervously before he called out her name. "Emma?" His voice was small and full with nerves. "Emma?" He called out again.

"In here." Emma's voice was expressionless as she called back from the bedroom. The sound of it made Neal's stomach turn. This was not a good sign.

He walked slowly along the hall until he reached the door to the bedroom. He pushed his hand against the door which opened with a creek. "Em… Honey?"

Emma stood with her arms folded tightly across her chest as she now stared out of the window. Her back was facing her husband.

The moment the door creaked open, she could taste the nerves which only added fuel to her anger. She could hear the concern and worry in his voice as he called her name. Emma took a minute to compose herself before turning around to face him. She did not speak as she locked eyes with him across the room.

"Emma… Are you okay honey?" He asked softly as he gave her a hopeful smile. When Emma didn't answer, Neal felt the nerves overcome him as he realized that things were a lot worse than he thought.

Emma continued to stare at him. There was no warmth in her eyes. They stared right through him. Neal couldn't understand why she was looking at him like that, with disgust.

"Emma, babe…" He spoke gently and stepped towards her. "Please just talk to me; I want to help you…" His voice laced with concern. He froze when she stepped backwards and raised her hands up like a shield.

"Stop!" She snapped and shook her head. The betrayal and hurt appeared all over the features on her face.

"Emma, it's okay. Whatever is going on with you, we're going to get through it together. I promise." He replied gently. That's when he noticed she was now dressed. "Em what are you doing?" He asked, the panic now seeping into his voice. He knew she was about to run.

"I'm leaving." Emma replied as she moved towards the door. She was unable to bring herself to spend another minute in the same room as him. Neal was saying all the right things to her, she wanted to break down and confess everything to him but she couldn't get his lie out of head.

"What?!" Neal asked raising his voice a little as he stepped in front of the door, blocking her path. "Emma, come on." He said his eyes now wide and his voice desperate. "We need to talk about this. Please?" He pleaded. Neal couldn't understand why she wanted to leave.

"Neal, get out-of-the-way." Emma said quietly. She didn't want to breakdown in front him; she just need time to clear her head.

"No. Not until you tell me what's going on." He demanded stubbornly. He felt helpless.

Emma closed her eyes and gritted her teeth._ Damn him, why couldn't he just let her leave?_ "I know." She answered as she opened her eyes. She watched as he frowned confused.

Neal's eyes widened at little at the tone of Emma's voice. He opened his mouth to speak but he could feel his throat go tight. "Wh-What. " He stuttered and his mind went blank. He wasn't sure what she was referring too.

Emma groaned and shook her head. She turned away from him again and a small mirthless laugh escaped her lips. "Seriously Neal! Stop lying to me."

Neal didn't answer, he only watched Emma with fearful eyes.

"Well?" She continued, her voice deadly serious as she stared at him again.

"Emma, Honey I… I don't know what you mean… Lying about what?" Neal replied in a last-ditched attempt to get her to talk to him.

Feeling her façade slip a little, Emma felt the tears burn in her eyes. "I know about you hiding the bottles." She shouted, her voice echoed around the room. She was unable to keep her emotions in any longer. All her pain and anger poured out in her voice. If she was honest, she was angrier with herself then with Neal.

Emma stared into her husband's eyes. Neal held her gaze. They both searched each other's eyes as they tried to find the right words to say. Neal saw a little flash of pain in her eyes. He now realized the mistake he had made by pushing her. However a tiny part of him was glad because now they could talk. Emma couldn't deny there was problem anymore.

He sighed and nervously rubbed his hand through his hair. "Emma, I can explain that but don't you think we should talk about you first."

"Me?" Emma asked. "You're the one who lied."

"And you have lied ever since Eva was born." Neal snapped in frustration. He instantly regretted it when he saw the tears in her eyes.

"What?" Emma choked out. Her chin quivered with each passing second and she could feel her knees shaking but she remained strong. It was a front, inside she felt defeated, Neal knew**.** "I have no idea…"

"Oh come on Emma… I'm not stupid… I see how you are with Eva… and I saw what happened in the nursery… This isn't you Emma."

The sound of love and concern in his voice was too much for her to bear. Her emotions of guilt swept up inside. Her mind was screaming at her to just tell him the truth. Emma's eyes continued to fill with tears. Her walls slowly began to crumble. No Neal had lied to her! "So you what… You thought I know I'll set Emma up… Prove what a bad mother I am?"

Neal shook his head. "No Emma I never meant to do that." He took another step towards her.

"It's what you think though right? I'm a bad mom." She snapped. It wasn't a question. It was an accusation.

"Emma… I'm sorry I lied to you but I thought it would help."

"Help?" Emma asked. Her voice cracked as her control began to slip.

Neal took a deep breath. "Yeah, Snow said it would be a good idea to..."

"Snow?" Emma interrupted." You talked to my mom about me? Behind my back?" Emma snapped again .The venom in her voice made the hairs on the back of Neal's neck stand on end. Emma was barely holding it together.

He shook his head. "Oh, Emma you've got it wrong! Please, please, just let me explain, I'm worried about you and… Snow thought… Well we thought… Emma I swear I was just trying to help." He groaned in frustration at his inability to explain himself.

Emma narrowed her eyes at him as she listened to his explanation. If she was thinking rationally she would know she was completely overacting.

Neal took another step toward her. "Honey please, I was just trying to help you. Please let me help you." He implored his words, hoping against hope they would get through to Emma. He wanted to turn back time and start the evening again. He wanted to reassure her that he loved her and that he would always be there for her. But his main priority now was to find out what was happening to her to make her behave this way.

Emma's mouth was slightly agape and her eyes widened in fear. She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. She saw nothing but truth there. He was telling the truth. He wanted to help her. But she couldn't forget he had lied and gone behind her back.

The feeling of Neal's hand on her arm, brought her emotions bubbling back to the surface. Emma couldn't help back feel humiliated. She could feel all her angry and frustrations burning inside her she had to snap. She took a sharp intake of breath and brought her hand up and slapped the side of his face. The sound was loud and bounce off the walls of their now silent bedroom. She felt her hand sting from the impact.

Neal stumbled backwards as he fell towards the bed. His cheek stung from the blow and was rapidly turning a dark shade of red. He looked up at Emma with wide eyes in complete shock.

Emma stood still; her hand was still raised as she looked at her palm. She was completely in shook of what she had just done.

"Emma…" Neal stuttered as he spoke. Emma's eyes refused to meet his. He could feel his wife slipping that bit further away.

"No Neal, just don't." Emma interrupted before he could take a shuddering breath to form words.

She shook her head and pushed past him, she was now intent on getting out of the house and away from him. She needed some time to think clearly. She didn't understand who she was anymore. Emma could see she was hurting him and her family but she was powerless to stop.

"Emma!" Neal called out after her.

Emma stop and turned around slowly as she reached the door, her hand was on the handle. "I'm sorry Neal. I can't deal with this now." She replied as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

Neal felt the guilt well up inside of him. He should have known that pushing Emma was bad idea, he should have just talked to her. "Emma… I'm sorry… I…"

Emma shook her head again. "I need to go. I've ruined it all…" She whispered as more tears filled her eyes.

Neal shook his head, "Emma come on let's just talk."

Emma took another deep breath and turned away from him. "I'm sorry Neal." She said quietly before she walked out of the door.

"Emma!" He called after her. "Where are going to go? It's late." He cried out desperately. There was a note of pleading in his voice again. He felt the rug slipping out from under her feet. Emma's expression had not changed. There was no warmth, no sadness or love there. She was blank. Her walls were firmly back in place.

Emma continued her way out of the house without an answer. The door slammed firmly shut behind her, leaving Neal devastated as he watched her walk away.

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**Okay so Emma was a bit of a bitch in the chapter sorry. But hopefully that unexpected character I mentioned a while back can convince her to talk to Neal in the next chapter.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you ALL for your amazing reviews. Any comments people have good or bad, I appreciate them greatly! I did struggle a little with this chapter as I'm trying to keep the characters true to who they are on the show. Anyway I hope you enjoy the new installment :D **

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**Chapter 10**

Emma stepped out into the street. Her entire body shook uncontrollably. She desperately tried to blink away her tears as she forced her legs to walk away from the house. She hoped that Neal wouldn't follow her out on to the street. The last thing she need was a public confrontation; she had suffered enough humiliation for one day.

Emma wasn't exactly sure where she was going to go but she couldn't stop herself from walking. She started to run through the options in her head. She couldn't go to her parents, not now she knew Snow had conspired with Neal. Then there was Granny's but that would involve too many questions. _Damn it!_ She wished she had taken the car keys at least she could have stayed in the bug.

Emma felt the tears sting her eyes again. She tried her best to steady her breathing as she continued her way down the street. Surprisingly Emma hadn't really thought this through. Running away was something she knew how to do well and now she was screwing that up too. This was how she dealt with things, when something traumatic or difficult happened, she ran. It was selfish of her but in the past she never cared before but now she had another reason to consider, her family.

Emma took a deep breath as she felt the lump in the back of her throat grow larger. Her eyes drifted to the flashing open sign on the diner. She had forgotten that it was now open 24 hours. She let out a sigh, the feeling of exhaustion over took her.

She made her way to the door of the diner and pushed it open. She took a deep breath and made sure her walls were firmly back in place. She hoped they wouldn't notice her tears. She stopped for a moment as the door swung shut behind her.

The diner was quiet it was getting late into the night and only a few faces still lingered at the tables. It surprised Emma to see Granny at the counter. Red normally did the night shifts. Granny shot her a warm smile. Emma turned away, unable to return it. Quietly she found an empty booth and sat down. She could feel Granny's eyes on her even though she couldn't see her from the booth behind the door.

An hour had passed; Emma was still sat in the same booth. She sat in silence as she poked the grilled cheese in front of her. She thought she should eat something but now looking at the food it was far from appealing. She had told Granny she was working late tonight but she could still feel her watchful eyes on her.

Emma wished she hadn't already finished her hot chocolate. She had wanted to order a coffee but that would have brought up questions from Granny about having caffeine while nursing. She couldn't handle another lecture about motherhood.

As the night ticked on Emma continued to stare at the untouched grilled cheese. Her mind was on her daughter. _What was she doing now? Was she sleeping well? Or was she crying out for her mom? Did she need feeding again? Or maybe she just wanted a cuddle?_ All the possibilities ran through Emma's head but it all came down to one thing. She was here alone when she should have been at home with her family.

"I thought you would like another one."

She barely heard the voice over her own thoughts. She slowly looked up at the intruder. Regina stood next to the table holding two cups of hot chocolate in her hands. She had an odd sympathetic smile on her face.

Emma looked at Regina for a moment. Her lips twitched as they attempted to return the smile back. The two women stood staring at one another awkwardly. Emma stared blankly as she tried to make sense of Regina's kindness. Slowly she accepted the cup and wrapped her hands around it, taking comfort from the heat of the cup.

"How are you?" Regina cautiously asked. She had heard certain things from Henry when he had stayed with her the weekend. She didn't want to seem like she was prying, which was quite surprising for her but she worried about her son. Normally she would have jumped on the chance to get one up on her rival but she knew that look in Emma's eyes far too well.

Emma looked at Regina again. She was trying to work out her motivations. They had never been close, far from it but they did have their moments of genuine compassion for each other. After spending so much time together on a ship they had begun to form an odd friendship, mainly for Henry's sake.

Emma shrugged and slumped down further on her chair. "I've been better." She sighed again and looked towards the empty seat across from her. Seeing Emma's glance Regina took a seat.

Regina tried to hold back a small laugh as she watched Emma eye the cup in front of her as if she was daring herself to drink it. "Don't worry, I can assure you it's not poison."

Emma rolled her eyes. "I don't see a broomstick, so why are you out this late?" She asked.

Regina huffed out a small laugh. "I think you'll find that's a Witch, I'm the 'Evil' Queen. Anyway I could ask you the same thing? Marriage troubles already?" She joked. It was risky as Emma was very private about her personal life. Regina was not trying to find out information and when she saw Emma's eyes drop she knew she had hit a nerve.

"Sorry, that is none of my business." Regina corrected herself. She realized that this was the last thing Emma wanted to talk about.

Emma narrowed her eyes at Regina as she slouched further down in her chair. She began stirring her hot chocolate nervously. "I'm working late at the station tonight." She lied. "Is that such a crime in this town?"

"No." Regina replied. "However it does make me wonder what it so important than being at home with your foolish husband and that disgustingly perfect new baby of yours?"

"Why does everyone think they have the right to stick their nose into my life?" Emma snapped. She instantly looked down at the cup in front of her. She was unsure of how many people had heard her raised voice.

"Sorry… I..." Regina stopped when she saw Granny lingering on a nearby table, pretending to clean it. It was obvious the older woman was trying to listen in on their conversation. "Excuse me but me and Miss Sw…Mrs Cassidy are having a private conversation. Don't you have a cross-bow to polish or knitting to do?"

Granny looked over at two women before returning behind the counter. Regina smiled again at Emma who was uncharacteristically quiet through the entire exchange.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"It's fine, I get it. It's a stressful time with a new-born and the lack of sleep." Regina replied as she sipped her drink.

"Yeah… I guess so." Emma muttered quietly.

"Henry had colic in the few weeks; the lack of sleep drove me crazy. But it was worth it in the end."

It was always hard for Emma to listen to Regina talk about their son. It was Regina who had raised Henry for the first part of his life; she had been his 'real mom.' Dispute Regina flaws, Henry had grown up well, he was kind, well-mannered and cared deeply about people. As proud of Henry as she was she couldn't stop the guilt that came when she imagined someone else bringing up her son. Regina had been their for his first word, she had taught him to walk, taught him to read and she had been there for his first day at school. Emma wanted so much to turn the clock back so it could have just been her and Henry, even though it was selfish of her. Regina had been the one who had cared for her baby when she couldn't and now she was doing the same but with Neal and Eva.

"Yes it was, Henry is a great kid." Emma replied. She allowed herself to smile at the thought of her son but it soon faded. "Not really down to me though," She whispered to herself. No matter how much she would be in Henry's life now, she hadn't had any part in the first ten years, as much as she had wanted too.

Regina raised her eyebrows surprised at Emma confession. "And his happiness now isn't down to me. That's because of you, Emma." Regina searched Emma's face for acknowledgment. It was a silence understanding between the two women, two mothers' who shared the same son and the same regrets.

Emma shook her head, "I'm not sure about that."

"Emma, I hate to say it but you're a good mom." Regina smiled. She was finding it strange that she was enjoying her new-found friendship with Emma. They had more in common that they would ever admit.

"If you say so," Emma muttered. Once again her guilt and fears came to the surface. The doubt over her future with her family was hanging over her. She would not believe Regina' words, she still had to resolve her problems and get her relationship with Neal back on track.

"Trust me, you are." Regina smiled and reached her hand out to gently touch Emma's. Her behavior had surprised her. She never really did the friends thing. But she wasn't the same woman anymore; she was trying to change, for Henry.

Emma flinched slightly but she smiled back. She was grateful to have a friend, even if it was Regina. "I hope so." She replied with a soft smile.

"Don't make the same mistakes I did, especially with Henry. Unfortunately he can see right through the lies, even when you're trying to protect them from the truth." Regina said softly.

Emma nodded. "It's just… I'm not doing a very good job being a mom to Eva… I'm just not coping very well... Neal is good with her, I think sometimes they might be better off without me." She shocked herself by her own honestly. "Sorry." She laughed embarrassed. "I don't know why I'm saying all this."

"No. It's alright. It's nice to hear that Emma Swan is actually human after all." Regina laughed slightly. "Taking care of a baby isn't easy. You need to learn how to make mistakes; it's all about trial and error. Neal is willing to get things wrong and look stupid, which seems to come natural to him." she laughed again.

Emma rolled her eyes but found herself joining in with the laughter Neal had his moments of being rash and foolish but she loved him in spite of it. She knew his heart was in the right place. The guilt that had built up inside her was now agonising, she felt as though she was drowning in it. In his own idiotic way, Neal was only trying to help her and she had thrown it all back in his face. He hadn't deserved the way she treated him tonight.

"You think you have this expectation because of who your parents are. But parenthood isn't easy I should know. Whatever you'll struggling with, it will get better. Just give it time, you'll soon get the hang of it and then the fun really begins. You have a family that loves you Emma and that's all that matters." Regina continued.

It felt so bizarre to take parenting advice from Regina of all people, but at the same time if felt nice to finally been understood. It was odd to think that she had an ally in Regina; she was somebody that understood that parenthood was hard. They had both come a long way since Emma turned up unannounced at Regina's door with Henry all those years ago.

Emma was never one to open up about her feelings. It surprised her how easy it was to talk to Regina. It was a delicate friendship, one that was still new to both women. However they both found comfort in each other's words, a strange new bond forming between them. They were both more similar than they would admit. They both had years of pain and mistrust; and broken dreams. However they were still here.

The two women carried on their conversation. Their voices hushed as they knew Granny was nearby still trying to eavesdrop on their conversation.

As the night went on the two women moved from the booth and paid Granny for the drinks. They walked side by side out of the diner and down to the street to say their goodbyes.

Regina turned to face Emma, "just so you know; we still aren't friends." She joked as she placed her hands in her pockets.

Emma nodded her head, "your right, we're not." She smiled "We're family."

It was Regina's turn to roll her eyes. Her lips twitched slightly as a small smile appeared on her lips. "Goodnight Emma."

Emma watched as Regina began to walk away. It wasn't a firm friendship. There was nothing magical about their conversation tonight but it was a small bond. It was the beginning of understanding and support that both mothers' needed.

Emma stood still for a moment. She had spent so many years wrapped up in her own pain. For so long she had pushed people away that she couldn't remember the last time she really needed someone. Well not since Henry came back into her life.

Once again Emma was allowing herself to lose herself in her own thoughts and guilt. But this had to stop, she couldn't think like this anymore. Regina was right she had a family who loved her and she was on the verge of losing them. This was it; no more running, no more hiding and no more walls. Emma had to deal with her problems head on. She had to become a mom to her children, especially her daughter.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey, thank you once again for all the reviews, follows and favorites So Regina was the unexpected friend, will Emma act on the advice given to her…. Hope you enjoy the next chapter.**

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**Chapter 10**

The house was eerily quiet. Eva was now sleeping peacefully; she had awoken a few times since Emma had left. Neal had done his best to calm his daughter, but he knew she wanted her mother.

Unable to sleep Neal sat staring into space on the sofa. He was in a complete trance, not concentrating at all on the TV in front him. He was still trying to work out what had happened tonight. They had argued before but nothing like that. He could still see the pain and hurt in Emma's eyes. He had never seen her look at him like that before.

For the last few hours he tried to distract himself but everywhere he looked it reminded him of how happy there were. Neal had tried to sleep but when he closed his eyes he could see Emma's beautiful green eyes filled with tears.

His own tears pricked the corners of his eyes and a lump formed in the back of his throat. But no matter what he wouldn't allow himself to cry, he needed to stay strong, for all of them.

Neal cradled his cell phone in his hands. He had tried calling her phone so many times that he had lost count. His heart dropped every time he got her voicemail. He now found himself redialing her number just to her voice on the answer machine.

He had thought about calling her parents but after her reaction to him talking to Snow he thought better of it. If Emma had gone there, one of them would have called him to let him know by now.

After all the promises he had made her, Neal couldn't help but feel he was letting her Emma down. On that cold stormy beach in Neverland he had sworn to her that he would love and protect her for the rest of his life. But now he felt ashamed to admit that he had failed her. He could see Emma was crying out for his help but instead of being there he had let her push him further away.

Neal always had to learn things the hard way. He had always known the Emma Swan was the only woman for him, even when he was Tamara. Their lives destined and intertwined. Their paths were so crisscrossed and meshed together that he didn't where his begun and hers ended.

Emma had always laughed when he talked about density. She didn't believe in all the ridiculous fate stuff but he knew she couldn't deny that they were always meant for each other.

For years they had managed to dodge and avoid each other but now they had finally come together and Neal couldn't help but feel he was losing her all over again.

He slumped back further on the sofa and stared blankly at the TV screen. He had no idea what he had watched. He couldn't stop thinking about Emma and how this all started. Emma couldn't wait to have Eva. _Where did it all go wrong?_

If he was honest he had noticed the first few signs the day after Eva was born. Emma was almost too scared to hold their baby and would let others take over. He had just thought it was nerves and when he found Emma crying in her hospital room he had put it down to her being emotional over the birth.

He had hoped that once Emma and his daughter were out of the hospital things would get better, but it hadn't, Emma always had excuses to avoid being with Eva and he had let her get away with it. Apart of him wanted to pretend they were happy but they were far from it.

Neal could feel the frustration building up inside, he hated that Emma wouldn't accept his support; they promised they would be in it together. She was being classic Emma Swan. She would shut down soon as things got too difficult. To be fair he hadn't expected her to behave any other way. However it didn't make things any easier to deal with. He put his face in his hands. He loved Emma with all his heart but he felt so alone when she shut him out. He didn't know what else to do anymore.

Emma had stood outside her front door for the past half hour as she tried to find the courage to go in. This was it, no more running and no more excuses. She was finally going to let Neal in. She slowly turned the key in the lock, her heart thumped loudly in her chest and the tears began to form again.

She took one last deep breath and cautiously inched the door open. Slowly she peeked her head around the door. She stopped when she saw her husband standing on the opposite side.

Neal had instantly jumped to his feet when he heard the lock turn. His heart raced, Emma had come home to him. He looked directly at her and caught her gaze. He could see her eyes were still full with tears. She looked so lost. They now both stood awkwardly in the hall.

"Hey," Neal whispered, a small smile appeared on his lips. His heart dropped a little when Emma didn't answer, but he wasn't going to let that stop him. He walked over to her and was about to begin again when Emma placed her finger on his lips.

"Neal please don't… I just want you to hold me." She whispered shyly. They would talk in time but now all she wanted was to feel him hold her close.

She instantly leant into Neal as his arms wrapped around her pulling her in close. She rested her head against his chest; she could feel his heart beating just as fast as hers. He was nervous too.

Emma couldn't help but feel safe and warm in Neal's embrace. The tears which had begged for release finally fell. She twisted her hands in his shirt and buried her face in his neck as she cried uncontrollably.

"It's okay, I'm here." He whispered into her ear as he placed a kiss in her hair. "It's okay, just let it all out." Neal held her as tightly as he could, his arms pulled her in close as the tears continued to fall down her cheeks.

Emma felt terrified as the sobs continued to come. She was now struggling for breath and her body shook. She hated feeling out of control like this but she couldn't stop herself. She never let her emotions out but now her guard was down. The tears rolled down her cheeks and soaked Neal's pyjama top. She clung to him as tightly as she could. He was the one holding her up, without him she would crumble to the floor.

She felt herself cling to him tighter. Scared to let go because if she did he would slip away again but this time he wouldn't able to find his way back to her.

Neal hugged her close. His own eyes began to fill with tears but he tried his best to hold them back. He knew he had to stay strong for her. Neal was now starting to understand the full extent of Emma's distress. His wife was finally letting him in, she was letting him comfort her and he wouldn't fail her again.

It tore him up inside to see her so upset. Neal was starting to get scared; he had never seen her like this. He felt her hands grip tighter at his shirt.

Every cry and every tear felt like he was being stab with a knife straight through his heart. What made it worst he knew Emma was blaming herself for feeling this way. He knew she had so desperately wanted her baby but something she had no control over was stopping her from being a good mom.

Neal realised that this was the first time he had ever really see Emma lose control and though a part of him was glad she had finally let him in behind those walls of hers, it frightened him.

This was Emma Swan completely stripped back with no walls up. She was finally letting go of all the guilt and hurt that had built up inside her. He had never seen her so completely vulnerable even after their tearful reunion.

He knew she was suffering from a depression but he never realised the full extent of it. He had seen glimpses of it in her eyes when she looked at Eva, the way she would pass their daughter to someone else and the way she flinched when he touched her.

But seeing her like this, well there were no words to describe it and it broke his heart that she felt she had to keep this all locked up inside. Emma had dealt with this all on her own, not letting anyone help her with all the guilt she felt.

"I'm so sorry." She sobbed out between breaths. Her voice was so quiet and muffled Neal was not sure he had heard her.

Neal felt his grip on his wife tightening as she let out another heart-breaking cry. He had no idea how she had managed to hide this pain for so long, keeping it all locked away.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered again as she moved her arms around his back so she could hold him even closer.

"Oh Em… Babe." He whispered into her hair. "It's not your fault; we will get you help I promise."

His words started to calm her down a bit, but they did not stop the tears from falling. After a while her cries started to become quieter and quieter until eventually they stopped all together. Only the last few silent tears rolled down her cheeks.

Neal didn't move, he stayed exactly where he stood holding her tight as possible. He gently stroked her hair back away from her face before slowly easing away from her so he could look into her eyes.

Emma panicked when she felt his hold on her loosen; so much that she hugged him even tighter than before. "Don't leave me… I can't lose you again." She whispered softly.

"Hey honey, listen to me, I'm not going anywhere." He said softly. "You'll stuck with me I'm afraid," He chuckled lightly.

Gently Neal eased her arms away and pulled back so he could finally look at her face. He could see the tear stains on her cheeks and the redness of her eyes. He watched as she looked away from him.

Emma took a deep breath, she felt as if a great weight had lifted off her shoulders. She no longer had to pretend she was coping anymore. Neal now knew she needed help.

Scared that Neal wouldn't look at her in the same way anymore, she was afraid to look at up and meet his gaze. She knew his warm brown eyes would be filled with love that she felt she didn't deserve.

She was normally so strong and together. She had never lost control like this with anyone before. Neal was one of the few people she fully opened her heart too and the thought of losing him was unbearable.

Her heart always belonged to him. If he wanted he could easily break it all over again and she would be powerless to stop him, after the way she had treated him since Eva was born she probably deserved it.

"Emma." Hearing Neal's voice made her heart race. Just hearing the sound of his voice made her fall more in love with him.

"Please look at me." He asked as his hand brushed her hair away from her face. He moved his hand gently under her chin and tilted her head so he could finally look into her beautiful green eyes.

Emma's eyes glisten with tears and for the first time in a long time they weren't guarded. Neal was finally seeing his wife without all the pretences and walls she had.

She did not have any make up on; her hair was wild and flowed down her back. Her eyes red and her cheeks were tear-stained.

Her eyes stared directly into his brown ones. There was a mixture of vulnerability and fear yet he also saw strength. Neal could have sworn he had never seen her look so beautiful in all his life, this was real Emma.

The thought made him smile. "I love you Emma… I love you so much."

"I love you too." She returned his smile. Neal let out a small relieved laugh and pulled Emma back into his arms.

There was still so much they needed to talk about but now all Emma wanted, needed; was him.

"Come on, let's get some sleep. We will talk in the morning." Neal whispered into her ear before letting go for their embrace. He held out his hand towards her.

Emma nodded gently and placed her hand in his and followed him to the bedroom. She put the warmest pyjamas she could find before climbing into bed next to Neal.

Neal settled them carefully down against the head of the bed; his arms wrapped firmly around his wife. Emma curled up again Neal, her head tucked under his chin and her arms locked around his waist.

Neal held one arm securely around Emma's shoulders. He stretched the other across her front and rested it on top of her legs. He wanted to hold her as close as he physically could. Neither of them wanted to break the new formed connection between them.

Neal whispered reassurances that everything would be okay and that he would never leave her. Emma in turn muttered assurances that she never wanted him too.

Even when unavoidable sleep finally took over them, their legs were still stayed intertwined and their hands stayed locked tightly together.

Emma couldn't promise him that she would get better over night but she would give all she could offer now.

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_Another flashback coming up and some mother and daughter time... I'll give you a clue it isn't Emma and Eva (not yet anyway)_


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you once again for the reviews! This chapter has another flashback scene. Hope you enjoy it :)**

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**Chapter 12**

_**Four months earlier...**_

Emma made her way across town with a large brown grocery bag. The bag was full to the top with Apollo chocolate bars, a large tub of ice cream, as much junk food as she could carry and not forgetting a big jar of pickles.

Emma had cravings for pickles for the last month. She could not seem to get enough of them. She would find herself laying awake at night thinking about them, so much she would wake Neal up at a ridiculous time to get her some, much to his annoyance.

Emma's arms began to ache due to the heavy bag, she made a mental note to herself that going to shop while having cravings were not healthy on her bank balance, no matter how much she enjoyed eating them.

She hadn't just brought all junk food, she had purchased a Brad Pitt movie collection of DVDs to help with her other craving. It had amused her how Neal would get jealous over her recent choice of movies, so much she would have to remind him she only had eyes for him. However Neal was always worried about touching her, scared the he would hurt the baby or that it would be too awkward.

If he was here now he would lecture her about carrying the grocery bag. She loved him but he was driving her insane. So Emma would lose herself in movies with hot actors in them and today was Brad's turn.

She also had a photo of her ultrasound from the day before. Neal and Emma had spent most of the week arguing over whether they should find out if it was a girl or boy. Emma wanted to know so they could prepare while Neal wanted to wait until the baby was born.

However lucky for Neal, he had won the argument by default. Due to the angle of the baby they couldn't confirm the sex for definitive. Neal had tried his best to hide the smile when he found out he was getting his own way; it was a very rare occasion when that happened.

_Emma couldn't help but smile when she thought back to yesterday. Dr Whale had been oddly nice to them; maybe Ruby was having a good effect on him. He chatted positively to the couple about the scan but that didn't help soothe Emma's nerves._

_Her heart raced as she sat back on the bed and rolled her top up to show her bump. The cold feeling of the gel made her skin tingle as Whale covered her swollen belly. Neal had noticed almost instantly that she was nervous and took her hand in his. He squeezed it gently to reassure her that everything would be alright. Then the most breathtaking thing happened, they heard their baby's heartbeat echo around the room. The couple's eyes stared at the screen in wonderment._

_Emma gazed blankly at the screen for a few moments. Slowly a small smile graced her lips." That's our baby," she whispered. It had amazed her that she could she the baby that was growing inside her, her baby. Happy tears began to form in her eyes._

_"Yeah babe, that's our baby" Neal replied with a small laugh. "Wow." He breathed. Neal was completely blown away by the image on the screen, he leaned over and placed a small kiss on top of Emma's head._

_After the scan Whale had left to get them a photo of the baby. Neal grinned as her watched Emma trace her hand softly over her bump._

_"I guess the baby is really in there?" He joked and chuckled lightly. Emma nodded as her smile grew._

_Neal's fingers gently rubbed over her swollen stomach. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his rough hands against her soft skin. She had never felt this happy in her entire life._

_Neal raised his hand to Emma's face, "Emma I love you, Henry and this little one so much. I promise I'll look after you." He gently brushed his thumb over her cheek before placing a soft kiss on her lips._

_"We love you too." Emma replied pulling away from his lips slightly. The baby kicked hard against the palm of Neal's hand causing them both to laugh. Their hands danced over her belly as they continued to enjoy the feeling of the little life their love had created._

Emma had nearly reached her parent's apartment. Henry, Neal and the baby had taken up so much of her time recently, she felt like she hadn't spent any time with her mother. She missed their little chats and with Neal working at his father's shop and Henry at Regina's, Emma had arranged a girly day in with Snow.

As she knocked on the front door she felt a warm sensation as the baby kicked hard. "I know kid, I'm excited to see your grandma too." She whispered to her bump.

Snow opened the door and instantly threw her arms around her daughter pulling her inside.

"Hey!" Emma laughed as she hugged her mother back.

"Hey," Snow smiled. "So how did it go yesterday? Come on tell me, I want to know everything. Is it a boy or girl?"

Emma laughed again at her mother's impatience. "Give me a chance; you're more excitable than Henry." She replied as she shrugged off her jacket and passed her grocery bag to Snow.

"Wow, I think you brought the shop." Snow replied as she placed the bag down on the kitchen counter. She began emptying the contents when she noticed the films Emma had brought. "I'm sensing a theme." She laughed and held the DVDs up at her daughter.

Emma blushed lightly and slowly lowered herself down on a chair at the kitchen table. She watched as Snow started to prepare to mugs of hot chocolate. It always made Emma smile when her mother remembered to put extra cinnamon on hers.

Snow took the seat opposite her daughter. "So come on, tell me everything," she smiled

Emma began to tell her mother everything that had happen at the hospital yesterday; from Neal's embarrassment of thinking the baby's arm was something else, to her amazement of seeing her baby on the screen.

"Oh, Emma." Snow said softly as her eyes looked over the scan picture. "That's my grandchild." Her smile grew, she was so happy for daughter but there was a small ounce of jealously. They hadn't told Emma but they had tried for another baby for over a year and she had started to give up hope. She had now decided to focus her energy into being a grandmother as well as a good mother to her daughter.

After a few moments Emma quickly took back the photo. She knew it was silly of her but she was very protective of her scan picture, she didn't really want to share her baby with anyone, her baby was all hers this time and no one would take it away from her.

Snow didn't question Emma on it; she understood exactly how her daughter felt. She would feel exactly the same if she had been the one pregnant. "So what do you think it is? A boy or girl?" Snow asked.

Emma looked down at her bump for a moment, "Right now, I think it's mainly cake and pickles." She replied as she tried to sound serious. Both women burst into laughter. "Seriously, I don't know, its annoying we couldn't find out."

Snow's eyes widened, "there is another way you can find out, wait here." Emma raised her eyebrows in surprise as her mother raced off into her bedroom.

After a few minutes Snow returned carrying a small box. She placed it gently down on the table before opening it.

"A necklace?" Emma asked raising one eyebrow. "How is a necklace going to…" She paused for a moment. "It's not just a necklace, is it?"

"No not exactly." Snow smiled. "It was given to me by your grandmother Ruth. It can tell you the sex of your baby."

Snow watched as Emma looked at the necklace intensely. "Sorry, you don't have to use it, I just thought… Sorry I should have realized that you might want to find out with Neal at the birth."

"No its okay it's just…" Emma paused for a moment and sat back in her seat. She had been so sure that she wanted to know but now she had the choice she couldn't decide if she wanted to know or not.

She felt a mixture of excitement and fear. At any moment she could find out if her child was a boy or girl, even though she had a strong feeling telling the sex of the baby she wanted to know if she was right. "I want to know… but how does it work?"

Emma watched as her mother's eyes lit up with excitement. "If it swings north to south, it's a boy. East to west, it's a girl."

"And this really works?" Emma asked skeptically.

"Well it was right about you." Snow smiled softly.

Emma stared again at the necklace amazed. It had belonged to her grandmother and probably her great-grandmother. The necklace had probably been passed down through the generations and now her mother was giving it to her. Emma thought for a moment, if she was right and the baby was what she thought then the necklace would pass on again. She took a deep breath and held her hand out in front of her "Okay let's do this."

"Are you sure? I mean don't you want to wait for Neal?" Snow asked, surprised that her daughter wanted to do this with her and not her husband.

"Nah, he doesn't want to know and I'll act surprised at birth." Emma laughed.

Snow's eyes shone as she looked at her daughter. She untangled the chain and dangled the necklace over Emma's palm. Silence filled the apartment as both women watched as the pendant began to sway.

The smile on Snow's face grew as she watched at it moved. She looked up at Emma who was still trying to process what this actually meant.

"Does that mean what I think it means?" she asked as she looked up at Snow for confirmation.

Her mother smiled and nodded. "Yes Emma, you're going to have a girl."

Emma stared down at her bump. She had always known it was a girl from the moment she found out she was pregnant. She wasn't sure if it was motherly instinct in or her magical powers, but she had always known.

"Eva…" Emma said softly as her hand ran over the swell of her belly.

"Sorry?" Snow asked, she wasn't too sure if she had heard correctly

"Her name…It's Eva." She dreamily smiled at her mother. Snow instantly mirrored Emma's smile and her hand reached out to take her daughter's.

An hour later Emma and Snow sat on the sofa, they were half way through the first movie and Emma was opening her third chocolate bar. Snow looked at her daughter with one eyebrow raise and a bemused smile on her face as Emma shoved another bar into her mouth.

"What?" Emma asked when she saw her mother staring at her from the corner of her eye.

"Nothing." Snow smiled. "It's seems my Granddaughter has inherited her mother's appetite." She laughed as her daughter pulled her a face.

"I guess so," Emma replied. Her thoughts turned to the baby growing inside her. "Do you think I'm a bad person?" She asked and nervously bit her lip

Snow looked at Emma shocked, the question had come from nowhere. "What? Of course not."

"It's just…. I love this baby but… look what happened last time with Henry. What if I can't give this baby their best chance?" The tears slowly began to form in Emma's eyes.

Snow quickly took her daughter's face in her hands. "Emma stop it. Don't go there. It wasn't your fault last time, you did what you thought was best for Henry. You're not alone, you have Neal, Henry and us. You can do this; just look how good you are with Henry now."

Snow softly brushed away the tears that fell down Emma's cheeks. "You have always been a good mom. Where has all this come from?" She asked.

"It's just… I don't feel ready… I want my baby I do but what if I'm terrible at it? Maybe I was right to give Henry away… I'm just so scared of screwing it up." The tears continued to roll down her cheeks. All her worries and insecurities had crept to the surface taking her by surprise.

"Oh Emma come here." Snow pulled Emma close. "Emma listen to me, you are great mom and your baby is already loved by everyone, you are never alone. We are always here for you.**"**

"Thanks, what would I do without you?" Emma laughed light and she wiped her tears away.

"Are you going all soppy on me now?" Snow joked making Emma laugh. "Come on lets watch the end of this film." Emma smiled she felt slightly comforted by her mother's kind words. She curled herself into Snow's side as they settled down to watch the film.

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_**Present day**_

The sunlight shone around the bedroom and flickered over Emma's face through the crack between the curtains. A small spot of light reflected on her eyelids. She squeezed them tightly closed as she tried to block out the unwelcome intrusion. She pressed her face further in the pillow as a small groan escaped her lips. She cursed to herself annoyed the morning had arrived so soon.

The sounds of muffled voices belonging to Neal and her parents crept under the door. Emma groaned again and opened her eyes. She wanted to pull the covers up over her head like a petulant child who simply refused to acknowledge it was morning. She heard the front door click shut as the voices disappeared. She threw back the covers and climbed out of bed, determined to make today a step in the right direction.


	13. Chapter 13

**Wow over a 100 reviews! Thank you all so much! Sorry there was no update on Wednesday but I wasn't happy with my last chapter so I wanted to take some more time with this one... Hope you enjoy it. **

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**Chapter 13 **

Emma pulled herself across the bedroom clutching a handful of her clothes. She grabbed a towel from the clean pile and made her way to the bathroom. The house was silent. Neal must have taken Henry and Eva out somewhere. He must have thought she need some space to clear her head.

Emma turn the bath taps on, she didn't feel like having another shower. She sat on the edge of the bath as the water began to feel the tub. As she was waiting for the bath to fill she tried to brush through her matted hair, her body flinched in pain every time the brush caught a knot. The bath was full by the time she had finished untangling her matted curls.

Emma sighed to herself as she sank into the water. She closed her eyes and tried to relax her body and her mind. The constant tension that had plagued her body over the last few weeks washed away with the warm water. She sank down lower letting the water cover her hair and face. The world around her became muted; the only sound she could hear was the water that hummed in her ears.

She only managed to stay in the bath for about ten minutes before she became too restless to keep still any longer. Emma quickly dried herself and picked up the clothes she had brought with her. She got dressed in the loose jogging pants and the oversized sweater that belonged to Neal. She could still smell his scent infused on the wool of the jumper which brought her a small ounce of comfort. Her face was bare of any make-up and her hair hung bedraggled down her back which still dripped with water.

Emma numbly made her way out of the bathroom and towards the kitchen. She tried not to look towards her daughter's nursery but the more she tried to avoid it, the more her eyes became drawn to it. Emma had first held her daughter in there when they came back from the hospital. It was that day the feelings of guilt and depression had truly started to cement itself inside her.

She moved into the kitchen, she was unwilling to let her mind go back over the past memory. Emma filled the kettle with water and snapped it on. She looked up at the clock on the kitchen wall. It was already passed nine; she had missed Eva's morning feed again. She felt her stomach lurch. She was all too aware that daughter had needed her this morning but instead of being there Emma had hidden away in the safe haven of her bedroom. The tears once again stung her eyes as they threaten to fall.

The whistle sound of the kettle broke her trail of thought. Emma sighed and began to pour the hot water into a mug.

Suddenly a hand fell comfortingly on her shoulder. "Good morning." A voice broke the silence.

Emma jumped and turned to see her mother standing behind her. Quickly she turned her back towards Snow and nervously fumbled with the lid on the instant coffee pot. She was too afraid to look at her mother in the fear of falling apart. "What are you doing here?" She sniffed and brushed the tears quickly from her cheeks. She did not want to appear weak or vulnerable in front of Snow. Her voice had been sharp and she hadn't meant her words to sound so harsh.

Snow and Charming had heard from Granny about Emma's late night visit to the diner and insisted on finding out what was going on. Neal had been hesitant to tell them what had happened due to the worry of upsetting Emma but Snow had pushed of the truth. She had convinced Neal to let her spend some time with her daughter in attempt to get through to her.

Snow smiled. "I thought it would be nice for us to spend some time to together," Snow let out an awkward laugh as she tried to sound causal as possible.

Emma was still turned facing away from Snow, not being able to see her daughter's face made her feel slightly uncomfortable. She had no idea what Emma was thinking. She had promised Neal that she would take it slow around her and not to push for answers.

Emma closed her eyes for a moment; she knew exactly what her mother was trying to do. For one morning Emma wanted to forget that she had problem, forget that she was suffering from a form of depression and Snow talking to her like nothing was wrong wasn't helping.

"So how about a walk or we could go to the diner for breakfast. You haven't eaten anything yet today, my treat." Snow asked. She moved closer to her daughter as she tried to catch her eyes once again.

Emma stood still and darted her eyes away from Snow. A part of her wanted to block the sound of her mother's soft voice just for a minute so she could try to make sense of the thoughts in her head. She knew Snow was fully aware of the situation and it made her feel angry that she was pretending everything was fine when it couldn't be further from the truth.

Emma wished Snow would be honest with her, yell at her at her if she had too. No matter how painful the truth was, she could handle it, but not this, she didn't want or deserved her mother's kindness.

"Emma?" Snow pressed again when she got no response. She moved even closer towards her daughter and gently moved her hand to her back. Gently Snow brushed her fingers up and down Emma's back. She wasn't sure if her daughter would flinch away from her but she needed to show her some reassurance.

Snow felt Emma's body sigh against her hand. "Emma, honey have I said something wrong?" Her voice was full of worry even though she was trying to hide it. Snow was struggling not to pressure her but she was desperate for her daughter to talk to her.

"Where is Neal?" Emma asked. Her voice was heavy and detached. She sniffed and remained holding the coffee pot in her hands. She refused to look at Snow who was shifting uncomfortable from one foot to the other beside her.

"Neal and David thought it would be nice to take Henry and Eva to the park for the morning." Snow replied.

Emma exhaled sharply and shook her head slowly in disbelief, her lips twitched up at the side almost forming a sarcastic smile. "The park?" She asked sceptically.

Snow shrugged innocently. "Henry wanted to practice his sword fighting and David thought it would be nice for Eva to see the ducks, secretly I think he wanted to see his granddaughter. Your little girl has him wrapped around her tiny finger already, a bit like her mother." Snow smiled She tried to sound cheerful but she couldn't stop the ache in her heart when Emma continue to refuse to look at her.

Slowly Emma turned round to face Snow. Her eyes glistened with tears and her face was wary with fear. She still didn't dare to meet her mother's eyes directly.

It shocked Snow by state that Emma was in. It broke her heart to see her daughter this way, the hurt was clear on every one of her features, though she was trying to hide it. Her daughter always tried to put on a brave face even though she was breaking up inside.

"Oh Emma, come here." Snow whispered softly.

Emma let herself be pulled into her mother's arms but she kept her body tense. Snow held her daughter close to her heart. Emma made no effort to return the comfort. She remained still and neither hugged back or pushed her away. She wanted to let herself cry in her mother's arms but at the same time she didn't want to let her guard down. Last night with Neal was the only time Emma had really let her walls down. It now felt so strange to do the same thing with Snow. She couldn't help but feel that everyone thought she was a failure. All her fears were now coming to the surface again. Emma felt the need to run again. She just wanted to get away from it all, she wanted her mother close, to tell her everything but being honest with her hurt too much.

Snow loosened her gripped on her daughter and pulled back so she could look into her face. "Emma, please talk to me." She reached forward and took Emma's hands in hers. "You can tell me anything Emma, let me help you."

It was Snow's turn to feel like a failure. She had found out the truth about her daughter's depression only a few hours ago and she was already feeling completely useless.

"I'm sorry… I can't do this." Emma whimpered. She folded her arms over herself like a shield as she continued her words. "I've let everyone down; I'm just a big disappointment." She spoke so quietly that Snow had barely heard her.

Snow felt like her heart was breaking. _How long had Emma felt this way?_ She took Emma's face into hands and forced her to look into her eyes. Emma closed her eyes under the soft touch of her mother's hands.

"Emma, please look at me. You are not and have never been a disappointment. We all love you so much." Snow implored her words hoping that they would get through. She wanted to reassure her daughter that no matter what was going on inside her head; they all loved and cared about her. Snow's main priority was to find out what was happening to Emma.

"Stop it," Emma snapped and roughly pushed her mother's hands away. All her angry and frustrations that had built up inside was about to explode. She hated everyone being nice to her, coddling her, she couldn't take it anymore.

Emma." Snow answered slowly and reached out for her hand again. Her eyes pleaded with Emma, she felt helpless, her daughter was hurting and there was nothing Snow could do to take it away.

"No, stop, just stop it! I know you what you think….That I'm useless… I can't even take care of my baby. You think I'm a bad mother." Her whole body bent forwards as she yelled out the words. It took all her breath and her body shook from her merciless outburst. "Just leave I don't need your pity." Emma calmed herself slightly but the hurt hadn't subsided. She backed away slowly looking for an escape route out of the kitchen.

Snow watched as Emma stood back away from her. Her last few words cut straight through Snow. _Was this what her daughter really thought?_ That she just pitied her.

Snow's eyes glistened with tears as she looked shocked at the state her daughter was in. "My pity?" Snow repeated. She hated seeing Emma like this, so hurt and lost. She felt powerless, knowing there was nothing she could do to take it away.

"Yes, pity." Emma snapped. She didn't really understand why she was taking it out on Snow, but she need to channel her anger somewhere. "I don't need it." Emma turned her back away from Snow; she didn't want her to see the tears in her eyes, "Whatever Neal has told you, whatever you're trying to do just don't. I don't need you, I never have." Emma almost shouted, her voice cracked on the last word. She didn't mean it, she needed her mom, but a small part of her wanted to lash out, make herself feel better and throwing her mother's own mistakes in her face was the only option she had.

Snow gaped wordlessly at her daughter. Her body froze in disbelief; she could barely see Emma's face anymore. She wanted to cry at her daughter's cruel words, but she had to stay strong. She wanted to yell at Emma, to tell her that it wasn't true, that they always needed each other. But instead she just stood there, frozen on the spot like the idiot Regina said she was.

"Okay Emma, you might not need me, but I need you, we all do." Snow pleaded but her words had no effect on her daughter's upset state.

Emma shook her head, "I never asked for that." She argued.

Snow sighed heavily, if tough love was what Emma wanted that's what she had to give. "Okay Emma, you want honestly I'll give it to you. Eva needs you! She needs her mother, so whatever is going on with you, you need to snap out of it and start dealing with the problem. You need to decide what part you want in your daughter's life because this version of you Emma doesn't work for us, do you understand?"

Emma bit her lip she was unable to find anything to say. Snow was right. Emma's eyes lowered to the floor. "She… she wouldn't let me breast feed her." She whispered. "No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try I can't do it. She cries when I'm around her. I just make everything worse." Emma rubbed her forehead as she realized that she wasn't making any sense. "I think I'm… I have a problem… I'm depressed and I have no idea what to do to get better." She felt stupid for saying it but it was the truth_. _Emma's breath was heavy and her heart was pounding in her chest. She wished for the floor to swallow her up.

The distance between them felt like it had widen and it would have taken great bravery to cross it.

Snow stayed motionless, _I'm depressed._The words replayed in her head again and again, a continuous loop that never ceased. Each time she heard the words, her daughter's words, they sounded more painful. The words made sense in her head, every small detail of their lives over the past few weeks made sense even though she wished they didn't.

She wondered for a moment if she had known all along, she had seen the way Emma behaved around her granddaughter. But Snow had let herself be blinded by naïvety because she desperately wanted to believe her family had found the happiness they desired.

"Emma I…I..." Snow struggled to string a sentence together. She could find the right words or any words for the matter. "I'm going to make us a cup of hot chocolate and we are going sit down and talk okay?" Snow finally said and turned towards the kitchen counter. She had panicked for a moment and need a few seconds to think. She knew how fragile Emma was and she was afraid that one wrong word could push her daughter over the edge again.

Emma sat alone on the sofa in the front room while Snow potted around in the kitchen. She let out a small terrified gasp, the reality dawned on her. It had taken all her strength to admit the truth to mother and yet Snow couldn't even look at her. Emma placed her face in her hands as the tears flowed from her eyes.

The sound of Emma's heavy sobs from the next room rung in Snow's ears. _What was she doing?_ Her daughter needed her and she was hiding away in the kitchen. Snow was doing exactly the same thing Emma was doing with Eva. How painful and scary this was for her it was a hundred times worse for Emma. Snow picked up the two mugs of hot chocolate and made her way to the front room.

She had never seen Emma like this. It has taken her back by how fragile and scared she looked. Snow placed the two mugs down on the coffee table.

She gathered up all her courage and pushed her uncertainty to the side as she approached her daughter. She tentatively placed her fingers on Emma's hands and pried them away from her face.

Emma jolted instantly at the touch; she had been lost in her own thoughts to notice Snow had entered the room. She unwillingly let the warm hand of her mother take hold of hers. She felt Snow's fingers close softly around hers.

Snow was afraid to hold to tightly for fear of doing something else to push Emma away. She felt Emma's hand grip hold of hers tightly, she moved awkwardly to sit beside her. The two sat side by side; there was merely an inch of space between them.

"I need you mom." Emma whispered.

Without any hesitation Snow wrapped her arm around Emma's shoulder and let her daughter fall into her chest.

Snow's arms locked tightly around her daughter's body

They were warm and strong as they surrounded Emma, holding her close as if her arms could shield her daughter from the hurt that was eating her up inside.

Snow's own cheeks were wet with tears as she pressed her face against Emma's hair. "I know and I'm here." She whispered softly as she rocked her daughter in arms. "We're going to get you some help, maybe a doctor or a talk with Archie."

"I don't need to see Archie." Emma answered as she shook her head. Opening up to a stranger or Archie was the one of the last things she wanted to do.

"Yes you do Emma, how you've felt..." Snow paused for moment and gently stroked her daughter's chin with her thumb and cupped her cheek. "Well it isn't right and we need to get you some help. Then you can get better and everything can go back to normal."

_When as anything been normal?_ Emma thought to herself. Nothing was ever simple, both women knew that. But Emma realised that in admitting the truth about her feeling she had a choice. She wasn't alone in this anymore.

Emma pulled back so she could look at her mother. There was a look in Snow's eyes that she had longed for, it wasn't a look of shame or disgust; it was love and support. She seemed almost proud but Emma couldn't work out why.

Snow noticed the confusion on her daughter's face. She smiled gently. "I'm so proud of you Emma."

"Why?" Emma frowned.

"You found the strength to admit the truth**." **Snow smiled**.**

Emma took a deep breath. "I think I want to talk to Archie." She sounded anything but confident or sure but it was the first step to recovery.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey, thank you to everyone who reviewed my last chapter, I'm overwhelmed by the lovely comments! :D Really hope you continue reading. **

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**Chapter 14**

Mother and daughter sat together in silence. Emma's hand continued to hold Snow's tightly, afraid to let it go. Snow kept as still as she could. The arm that held Emma had started to go painfully numb as it became pinned between the sofa and her daughter's body.

Snow was afraid to move, worried that if she disturbed the little bubble they were in Emma would revert backwards and they would have to start over again. She could feel that Emma was still crying, she felt her daughter's body shake as she silently sobbed in her arms. She could feel Emma's heart pounding against her chest.

Snow began to hum quietly to herself and she continued to hold Emma's hand in hers. She watched her daughter with softness in her eyes as Emma curled up against her. Her daughter's eyes slowly began to close as she enjoyed the comfort of her mother's voice.

"Do you want me to go so you can get some more sleep?" Snow asked quietly.

Emma's eyes did not open her eyes but her head moved slowly from side to side. Snow knew how exhausted her daughter was and she wanted to make sure she got as much rest as she needed. She felt Emma squeeze her hand tightly as if she was purposely trying to keep herself awake.

"I'm not tired." Emma whispered. She sounded like a sleepy toddler fighting the need for a nap.

Snow looked down at Emma and smiled when she saw her eyes were still closed. Emma let out a yawn and her face crinkled causing Snow to laugh lightly.

"Of course you're not tired." Snow smiled. "I must have missed you bouncing off the walls." She joked as she tried to lighten the mood. Emma opened her eyes to give her mother a fake scowl before closing them again which only caused Snow to laugh more.

After a while Emma's breathing became slow and relaxed as sleep took hold of her. Snow felt Emma's hand relax in hers as her body gave into its exhaustion.

Snow sighed slowly and brushed Emma's fringe out of her eyes. She gently let go of her daughter's hand before carefully unwrapping her arm from around her. Snow carefully laid Emma down on the sofa. She looked at her daughter's sleeping face. Emma was so unguarded in her sleep, so vulnerable without her walls. Snow softly ran her fingers down Emma's smooth skin; it brought back the memory of her first few moments with her baby girl. She pulled a blanket out from under the sofa and straighten it out. She pulled the woolen blanket over Emma and tucked her in tightly.

Snow heard the front door open. She turned her body away from her sleeping daughter to look over to see who the intruder was. The door to the front room creaked open and Neal's face appeared around the side. Snow smiled and nodded, gesturing that it was okay for him to come in. "Hey," he smiled warmly.

Snow immediately put her finger to her lips and hushed Neal. She didn't want to wake Emma because she knew she needed sleep, her daughter looked so drained. Snow wanted her to rest and not to put her through more distress. But at the same time she had a selfish need not to let anyone else comfort her but she knew Emma needed her husband too, Snow didn't want to leave her baby.

"How did it go?" Neal asked quietly as he sat on the chair opposite them

"It went okay, she admitted there is a problem and wants to get help." Snow replied.

"That's good right?"

"Yes, it's a start." Snow smiled. "Where are Eva and Henry?"

"With David, he thought it might be good for Emma and me to talk, without the kids around."

Snow smiled and nodded. She understood her son-in-law's hint that he wanted time alone with Emma. She leant down and placed a small soft kiss on top of her daughter's forehead. "Goodbye Emma," She whispered gently into her ear. Snow gently squeezed Neal's arm reassuringly before leaving the couple to finally talk.

Neal sat on the chair beside the sofa. He checked the time on his watch; he sat with Emma for nearly two hours. Neal sighed quietly to himself. After last night he was so desperate to talk to Emma. He knew he shouldn't want to wake her up but not being able to talk or touch her was getting too difficult to stand for much longer.

For the first hour, Neal had simply watched Emma sleep. She looked so beautiful in sleep that he couldn't take his eyes off her; he loved this woman so much at times he could hardly breathe. He took in every detail of his wife, every breath and every movement. He could see the dark circles around her eyes, they were a reminder that things were still far from okay between them.

After Emma showed no sign of waking Neal began to read through the trashy magazines that Emma had brought months ago. He smiled to himself when he remembered how he stole similar ones from stores for her years ago. Everything seemed so simple back then.

As he turned each page he would look back up to see if there were any signs that Emma was waking up. He seemed incapable of keeping his eyes off her for too long. Neal slumped back in his chair and rubbed his forehead, he could feel a headache starting to form, and he too was starting to feel the stain of exhaustion. He glanced back over towards Emma and to his surprise he saw to green eyes staring back at him, He hadn't expected to see Emma awake and soon as his eyes met hers a warm smile appeared on his face.

"Hey," Neal smiled and tilted his head to the side to look at Emma who was still lying on her side.

Neal could see a ghost of a smile on her lips and he could have sworn he saw the spark back in her eyes just for a moment before it disappeared. Emma sat up and shuffled over making a space next to her. It was a clear invitation for him to join her on the sofa. Neal smiled and sat himself down next to her.

"How are you feeling today?" He asked. He wanted to make Emma hundreds of promises that he would take care of her and that they would get through it together. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her but he knew her admission hadn't come easy, it worried him he was pushing her too far. His instincts were screaming at him to kiss her and touch her but he had to hold back.

Emma smiled slowly. She was so relieved Neal was here, she had worried that she had pushed him away. "I'm okay, but feel like a mess though." She laughed; slightly embarrassed by the way she looked.

"You still look beautiful to me." Neal smiled causing her to roll her eyes.

"Where are Henry and Eva?" Emma asked.

"With your parents, being spoilt rotten." Neal laughed gently. He took Emma's hand in his and brought it up to his lips. He placed a small kiss against her knuckles.

"I'm sorry, for pushing you last night; I should have come to you instead of talking to Snow." Neal took a deep breath he knew these words wouldn't erase the past but he had to say them. "I know it's going to take time but believe me Emma, I'm never leaving you no matter what you do, no matter what happens, nothing and no one is ever going to take me away from you."

Neal reached out to brush his fingertips against Emma's cheek. He hesitated for a moment afraid she would reject him again. He wanted to hold her and make everything okay but at the same time he didn't want to force Emma to move to fast. He went to pull his hand back when Emma's hand reached out and grabbed it. She pulled his hand and placed it on her cheek. She kept her hand over his and held it against her face, afraid if she was to let go he would do the same.

"Just promise me something, don't bottle things up okay? Keeping all this to yourself doesn't help. I should know it eats you up inside. You can tell me anything, hey you can every shout and throw things at me if you want, I can take it. You won't lose me honey because I don't want to lose you." Neal nervously bit his lip when he realized that his little speech might had been too much for Emma, he watched as she tried to put her own thoughts into order. The room was uncomfortably silent as Neal waited to hear how she would respond.

Emma looked at him in utter awe after his little speech. It was clear he loved her so much that he was willing to put his own happiness on hold for her. As she looked in his brown eyes she could see they burnt with undying love for her, she knew he meant every word.

"I'm sorry too. For everything." Emma spoke quietly as she began to express her own guilt. "I never meant to hurt you and I didn't plan for this to happen. I'm sorry I'm putting you through this. I'm sorry for yesterday too, I shouldn't have stormed out. I'll understand if you're still mad at me."

There was so much hurt in the past between them. Despite everything they had put each other through they were still here, together. No matter how justified she felt her behaviour had been last night Emma wanted to apologize too.

"Hey," Neal whispered softly. "Look at me; I'm not mad at you, not for a single thing. Everything that has happen hasn't been your fault okay."

Emma's eyes darted away and she bit her lip. "Neal, don't make excuses for me I need to say this to you before I lose my courage too." he still refused to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I've felt. The thing is… I'm scared that you might not understand and I might lose you. I can't lose you, not again… And I…"

"Emma I love you." Neal interrupted her. He didn't mean too but he had to say it.

Suddenly Emma threw herself towards Neal and let her body collapse into his warm embrace. She wrapped her arms around his neck as her face buried into the crook of his neck.

Neal reacted instantly and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly as she sobbed into his shoulder. Neal gently rubbed her back and soothingly hushed her cries. "Sshh… I'm here honey… Everything is okay now." He whispered before he pressed his lips firmly to the crown of Emma's head.

"Promise?" Emma replied. Her voice hushed and watery. She knew she sounded like a small child but surprisingly in this moment she no longer cared.

"I promise." Neal smiled. Emma let out a tiny watery laugh and relaxed in his arms.

"Neal…" Her voice was a whisper, almost shy. "I love you too."

They looked at each other for a moment before Emma softly pressed her lips against his. Their kiss was simple but conveyed the love they had for each other. It felt so good to have Neal close to her again, to feel his mouth moving on hers. It took several minutes before either of them pulled away. Neal smiled when he felt Emma snuggled against him as he wrapped his arms around her.

Emma felt Neal's hand brush the hair off her face and tuck it behind her ear. "Snow thinks it would be a good idea if I talk to Archie." She said with a long sigh.

Neal gently tilted her head slightly to look in her in the eyes. "Maybe it will be good? It might help, to talk things through?" He said gently

"Yeah." Emma replied unconvincingly. Her voice was now flat.

"It'll be okay, Archie will talk to you, help you feel better." Neal could sense Emma wasn't convinced. He had no idea how painful it was for her to open herself up like this. He knew how she shut her emotions away but it wasn't until now he understood the extent. However he continued. "And before you know things will get better and we will be a family again."

"Yeah… Family," Emma whispered quietly. Neal looked at her sadly. They both knew how much family meant to them.

Neal felt Emma's thumb brush back and forth over his knuckles. He looked down at their joined hands, he was unsure if Emma even realised she was doing it, she still looked so sad and lost.

"It will get better Emma." He said in a small voice. He looked back at her hoping to see recognition in her eyes. He felt like she was slipping away from him. Scared that he might have pushed Emma again. One moment they were embracing each other and the next it felt like they had moved apart. He was about to move his hand away slightly to give her some space when Emma grabbed it tightly and pulled it to her heart.

Emma pressed the palm of his hand straight over heart. Neal again didn't know if it was intentional or whether she didn't realise what she was doing. He continued to stare at Emma looking for a sign, anything that could help him work out what she was thinking. He could feel her heart pounding at a rapid pace against his hand.

"Emma?" He whispered. Her sudden distant behaviour was starting to scare him. He wondered if she was getting ready to push him away again. He tried to remind himself that she had admitted the truth and that she wanted his help.

He watched as Emma's face turned to a frown. He could see she was trying to process her words before saying them. "Neal…I… I'm…" It was barely a sound but he knew what she was trying to say. Neal waited for her to say more but nothing came.

"I know, I'm scarred too." He answered for her, his eyes still looking at hers. He moved his hand to wipe the lone tear away from her cheek. "When you pull away from me or refuse to talk it feels like I'm losing you all over again. I can give you all the space you need. I will give you anything you want. But I can't pretend it doesn't hurt when you shut me out." Neal bit his lip nervously. Worried he had said too much but if they were going to get over this they needed to start beginning honest with each other.

Emma sighed lightly. "It's just… I can't pretend to suddenly be okay because I'm not, I'm not okay. I don't even know what is going on in my head, so to explain it to you it's… it's impossible." She couldn't lie. She wanted to tell Neal that everything will be okay and to comfort him but she couldn't.

It would be easy to fall into his arms and forget all the pain and hurt, but it would only appear again later, so it was best to face it now. "But that doesn't mean I don't want to share and tell you things, I just don't know how at the moment.

Neal nodded. "I understand. I just want to help you. You said to me not to ever leave you and I won't just don't try to make me leave." Neal watched as Emma nodded gently with a sigh. "I know it will take time…"

"But we will get there." Emma finished with a smile.

There was still an atmosphere and a frighten feeling in the pit of their stomachs which reminded them that this would not be an easy journey, but they knew would get through it together.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you all so much for the reviews, favourites and follows. I'm did struggle a little with this chapter but I hope you all enjoy it. **

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**Chapter 15**

Emma let the glossy pages run through her fingers as she flicked through the magazine. Each page failed to hold her interest. She has managed to skim read through a few magazines in less than two minutes and was now doing the same to another one. She put the magazine back down on the side table and shuffled uncomfortably in her chair.

Emma had always hated waiting rooms, each one was different but the same painful memories always seemed to resurface every time she found herself in one. Archie's was no different, it was dull and cramp. The beige walls, the trashy magazines and uncomfortable chairs only added to her worry to why she was here. The only sound was the clock which hung on the plain wall which ticked in time with her breathing. She felt trapped.

The awkward silence of the small empty waiting room was a relief in a strange way, there were no unwanted glances or whispers from the locals but at the same time the silence was almost painful. She had only been waiting for ten minutes, Archie had assured her he was just finishing with an earlier client and then he would have a free slot to see her.

Although Emma was now watching the seconds tick by she willed the clock to tick faster. With each minute that went by Emma wondered whether she was doing the right thing, was revisiting her past the best way to move forward. She now wished she had let Neal come with her. Her parents had offered to baby sit so that he could come too but she wanted to do this alone. The idea of opening up to Archie terrified her, so having Neal there too only added to the pressure. She also wanted Eva with him, if she couldn't be there for her, at least father would be there to keep her safe.

The silence was finally broken by the sound of the door creaking open. Emma could hear muffled voices as Archie and an unfamiliar face appeared. "I'll see you again this time next week," Archie said in a hush tone. His voice trailed off when he caught sight of Emma waiting apprehensively for him.He directed his client towards the door with a smile. Emma nervously watched as they said their goodbyes knowing it was her turn next.

"Emma," Archie smiled as he approached her. "Would you like to come through?" He said and gestured for her to enter his office. Emma could feel her legs shake as she stood up from her chair; there was no turning back now.

As they entered the room, she noticed that the room was slightly more colourful than the previous one. She noticed the painting of a puppet and a whale on the wall; she had been in his office many times but never really noticed it before. The painting made now she knew Archie's true identity

"Take a seat," Archie smiled.

Emma drew her eyes away from the painting and now stared in front of her as Archie took a seat next to the sofa. "I wasn't expecting to see you today." He remarked and shuffled some papers. He had immediately noticed a change in Emma, she was not her normal brass self, she quiet and reserved. She looked different too, there were dark rings under her eyes; she looked drained and lifeless.

Emma knew he was being polite but she wish he would avoid the pleasantries as it only delayed the painful truth further. He noticed the Emma did not respond and neither did her facial expression. "So what can I do for you today?"

"I...I, well I need to talk to you" She began, it wasn't what she wanted to say but it was the only words she could muster together. Archie did not reply; he sat quietly waiting for Emma to continue.

"Recently, well the last few weeks… I have felt… Really down." Emma paused, knowing how vague and inaccurate she was being. She needed to tell the truth, no matter how difficult it was, she needed to get better. "Since Eva's birth I've been sad all the time and I feel like I can't bond with her." Emma corrected herself. She dropped her gaze down to the floor in embarrassment and shame. She was starting to let her emotions get the better of her.

Archie gave Emma a smile; his eyes flickered with concern before they returned to the notepad on his lap. "Okay can you tell me when this started? When did you first start to feel this way?" Archie said slowly.

Emma squirmed as the situation began to feel more like an interrogation, she felt like Archie was picking her apart. It took all her control not to put her defenses up and shut down completely. "I can't really remember" she stuttered. The idea of exploring the issue further caused her to panic. She was now faced with confronting the truth and it made all the thoughts and emotions muddled in her head.

"How about we start at the beginning?" Archie asked, not wanting to push Emma too far but he still wanted to build on what she had just revealed.

Emma felt more and more pressure on her. She had no idea of the answers. She swept her fringe out of eyes viciously over and over as she spoke. Her words didn't come easily. She had no idea how to explain nearly thirty years of building walls around her heart but she had to try for her family.

* * *

Neal looked up at the clock it was almost midday, Emma would be at her appointment now. He hoped she was okay. He wanted to go with her but Emma had been adamant she wanted to go alone. If he was honest he had no idea if she was really okay with the idea of talking to Archie. They had made some progress over the last few days but they still had a long way to go. He no longer knew how to read her or how to work out what was the truth.

A muffled cry snapped him out of his thoughts. He turned his attention back the baby in his arms. His heart swelled with pride and he looked at his daughter, his beautiful little girl. He gently took Eva's hand, her tiny fingers curled round his thumb.

"Hey, little princess." He whispered softly. "Your papa is here," Eva's eyelids opened slightly before closing them again.

"I promise you, your mommy is going to get better." His eyes began to swell with tear which he blinked away. He looked down at the tiny person in his arms.

"Then we will have so much fun, as a family. Mommy and I will take you to the park; you like the ducks don't you?" Neal smiled. "And when you're older I'll buy you a big ice-cream, just don't tell your mom." He chuckled. "And you have a big brother who is going to protect you, can you keep a secret? I think your brother has a girlfriend. But don't you get any ideas you're not dating until you're at least thirty." He continued to chuckle to himself. He kept going, getting carried away, as he imagined himself doing all the normal father things. "Don't ever forget I'll always be there for you." He leant down a placed a small kiss on to her head.

* * *

Emma shifted again in her seat. Her body felt uncomfortable, heavy and restless. Her eyes felt sore as she rubbed them again. Her fingers wiped the tears away from her face. Her face felt swollen from the amount of tears she had cried.

"I think that's enough for today, don't you?" Archie smiled at Emma.

Emma smiled back. She had been honest with him. The whole time they had talked Emma had been as honest as she could. It has taken time to get her to open up about her feelings. At the start she had tried to avoid talking about certain things but as Archie talked and asked questions she had managed to fall into an ease and found herself opening up.

She had told Archie about the fight she had with Neal a few nights ago, the things she had shouted at him and how she felt out of control. She told him about their past. What had happened with Neal and the watches was why she pushed people away, scared to let anyone in because the last time she did she got her heartbroken.

The truth was that Emma no longer knew how to trust people the pain of losing Neal and Henry all those years ago had changed her. She felt guilty for feeling this way, Neal had done everything he could to make up for the past but she felt like she couldn't trust him, if she was honest there wasn't a single person in her life that hadn't let her down and now she was doing the same to her daughter.

She spoke about her time in jail, about when she gave birth to Henry. She remembered how hard she cried that day, so much she could barely breathe. How Henry stared at her with his wide eyes which locked with hers like he knew was about happen. For years after Henry's birth she could still hear his cries, it haunted her. In the middle of the night she would wake up hearing Henry cry.

Emma told Archie how she felt that Henry was crying for her. When they took him away it felt like her heart had broken in two. She told him that she wanted to run after the nurse but she did not have the strength to move. Her arms felt empty all she wanted was her son back.

She opened up and let it all out. She told him how painful and raw those feeling still were, the day she gave Henry away had never left her and made her feel guilty every time she went near Eva. She hated herself for having these feelings. After keeping all these emotions secrets for so long, she felt weak that she was spilling them once again.

There was the biggest sense of relief that everything was out of her head, there was somebody there to help her make sense of all the feelings, everything that had happened.

"Would you like me to talk to Neal about our session?" Arched ventured. He had grasped that this was having an effect on their relationship and Emma was struggling to express how she felt to her husband.

Emma put her head in her hands and closed her eyes. She didn't know what she wanted. Everything still seemed such a mess. "I don't know." She replied and shook her head which still lay in her hands. "I don't know if I should speak to him…I don't know. I want things to just be okay. I don't want this, why does anything so hard?"

"How about I speak to you both together? You two can talk and if things get a little complicated I can help? I think it would be good for both of you." Archie suggested.

"I just think.. I need to do this myself… Or not… I guess I need to do it when I'm ready right?" Emma spoke emphatically but mostly to herself.

"Okay Emma, but I do think you two need to work together on this and it might help to have somebody there to help you." Archie replied and closed his notepad. "But you are right, we will only address it when you ready. At the moment our main-focus is getting you better." He watched as Emma slowly nodded her head with agreement.

"Emma, you said that you want to hold and comfort Eva but to you're afraid she doesn't want you…" Archie began, he didn't want to miss the chance to say this before Emma completely shut down again, "She's your daughter and she wants the same thing as you. It's a natural feeling for both of you. You both might need to feel physically close as possible. I understand these feelings are overwhelming, especially for new mothers but try not to let yourself feel that it's strange or wrong to just wanting to hold your baby."

Archie knew Emma had missed out on the intimacy between parent and child herself and it was understandable if she was now struggling to express that with her own child. He wanted to make sure that in time that she would feel comfortable to express her love for child.

"I'll try, so can I go now?" Emma almost sulked.

Archie smiled and nodded. "I would like you to come and see me again maybe the same time next week?" He watched she slumped further down in her chair.

"Do I have too?" Emma complained. "It's just… I want to put this behind me now and if I need anyone to talk too I've got Neal."

""I think some more counselling would be good for you." Archie replied. He knew Emma was starting to shut down again.

Emma nodded and mumbled okay as they both rose to their feet and made their way out of the room.

"You did really well today." Archie said and placed his hand on her shoulder which Emma promptly shrugged off. She knew he was being kind but she didn't want his reassurance.

"Thank you," She replied with smile. Archie smiled in return before she made her way to the door.

Emma walked slowly across the town. She wasn't sure whether she felt relieved or upset that Neal had not come to meet her. It was not his fault, she had told him she wanted to do this alone. Emma did feel slightly better somehow, maybe getting those feeling out and opening up about everything she had kept inside must had really helped.

She looked up at the clock tower it was almost three in the afternoon. Where had the morning gone? The familiar yellow school bus appeared and stopped on the corner by the diner. Emma took a deep breath and approached the crowd of school children coming off the bus.

She smiled when she saw the familiar brown messy hair of her son. "Hey kid."


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you all so much for your reviews. I do appreciate each one. I****t is just amazing to know that so many of you are reading and enjoying the story :D **

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******Chapter 16**

Emma smiled amused as she watched her son almost leap out of his skin at the sound of her voice. "Mom! What are you doing here?" Henry asked surprised. He hurriedly let go of the hand belonging to the girl beside him. His eyes dropped to the floor as his cheeks turned crimson pink.

"I thought I would walk with you." She replied. Emma tried to hold back her laughter as Henry nervously kicked his feet; he was clearly embarrassed that his mother had come to meet him at the bus stop.

Henry frowned with embarrassment. "You know I can walk myself." He grumbled, his facing now turning a darker shade of pink.

Emma instantly smirked, "I know." She was taking a small pleasure in teasing her son. "But I thought we could go to the diner, my treat."

"Okay, just give me a minute to say goodbye to Grace."

Emma chuckled to herself as waited on the opposite side of road for Henry. She pretended to admire a poster on the wall as the young couple made their awkward goodbyes with the promise of texts later that evening. Henry quickly made his way towards her. Emma couldn't help put playfully ruffle her hand through his hair before placing a protective arm around his shoulders as they made their way to the diner.

A distraction was just what Emma needed. She wanted to spend some time away from the house and there was no one else she would rather be with than Henry.

There were no booths available in the diner so they found a table for two in the corner. This suited Emma as the table was out of sight of prying eyes and no one could eavesdrop on their conversation.

She smiled in surprise when Henry pulled her chair out for her and waited to tuck her in after she sat down. She raised her eyebrow,_ when did her son become the perfect little gentleman?_ She thought. He must get it from his Grandfather.

She watched as he took the seat opposite and buried his face in the menu. Henry always had the same thing every time they came to the diner however today he seemed engrossed in the menu. Emma couldn't help but think he was trying to avoid making conversation with her.

"Hey guys." Emma looked up to see Red standing beside the table with a notepad. "You ready to order? She asked as she smiled at them.

"So kid, what are you going to have?" Emma asked as she peered over her menu at Henry.

"Um…" Henry's forehead creased a little as he looked over the menu one last time. "I'll have a burger with Monterey Jack cheese, bacon, pickles, lettuce and tomato but no mayo… oh and fries."

It surprised Emma that she had never noticed that like his father Henry had a dislike for mayo before, _how did she miss that?_

"Oh and a chocolate milkshake." Henry quickly added.

Emma held back her laughter, "Anything else or are you good?" She asked with a smile.

"I'm good." Henry nodded.

"I'll have the same but with mayo on my mine."

"Okay two burgers coming up." Red replied and scribbled down the order on her pad. "Oh before I forget, Neal brought Eva in here a few days ago, she's really beautiful Emma." Red smiled.

"Uh yeah... Thank you." Emma smiled meekly and turned her head away from Red. She did not trust herself to continue holding eye contact without breaking down. She nervously tucked her hair behind her ears.

Henry waited until Red was a fair distance away before he turned his attention back to his mother. "So what was the about?" He asked, he hadn't meant his tone to sound accusing but he picked up on Emma's discomfort at Red's comment almost instantly.

"What do you mean?" Emma asked innocently as she shrugged her shoulders.

"When Red mentioned Eva, you kind of went all weird." Henry replied as he continued to stare at her.

"What? It was nothing Henry." Emma replied defensively. "So if you still have room left after your burger you can have a dessert too." She continued as she tried to change the subject.

It seemed to work as her son's face lit up. "Awesome!" Henry grinned. "We haven't been to the diner together like this since…" He suddenly stopped.

Emma watched as his cheerful boyish smile dropped almost instantly. His forehead crinkled and his face formed a sad frown. "Hey Kid, what wrong?" She asked concerned. She reached out over the table and placed her hand softly on top of his.

"It's nothing." Henry shrugged and pulled his hand free from under hers. He lowered his eyes to the floor and nervously bit his lip. He wanted to kick himself for stupidly mentioning the subject.

Emma immediately noticed the shift in her son's mood. It felt like the atmosphere in the diner had become tense and cold. She couldn't work out what had caused him to change so suddenly.

"Come on, what is it?" She tried to keep her voice casual despite the worrying feeling in the pit of stomach telling her exactly what Henry was referring too.

Everything had gone perfect so far even though she had almost slipped up with Red. They had been enjoying each other company but she knew it wouldn't have lasted, not with so much going on under her façade

"It's just… We haven't spent much time together since… Well you know," Henry replied quietly.

He sounded so sad; it was a tone Emma recognised because it sounded so much like her own voice. She hadn't realised that what had being happening to her was starting to affect her son. She desperately tried to think of the right words to say to him but there weren't any that could make things better. Her eyes dropped to the floor as her mind tried to process some words together.

Henry smiled sadly at her; he could see she was struggling to find something to say to him. He knew what was going on at home. He had heard his parent's argument a few nights ago but decided to keep quiet about it, he didn't want to make Emma feel even worse than she already did. "It's okay Mom." He said softly.

Emma looked up at him; she could see the same sadness reflected in his eyes. The one thing that Henry had inherited from her was how to hide his feelings but like her his eyes always gave it away. It was obvious her son had suffered in silence and had kept it all to his self; she couldn't help but blame herself for it.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad." He said. He reached back out with his hand and placed it on his mother's. He smiled gently at her as he squeezed her hand.

"Henry…" His name was all Emma could say. She was so overwhelmed with guilt and pride. Her son had nothing to apologise for. She wondered when Henry had grown so mature and strong so quickly.

It broke her heart, all the pain and sadness he had been through just didn't seem fair. Henry was just a child and he had already witness so much. All she had wanted was for him to have his best chance and it was killing her to think that maybe she was no longer giving that to him or to his sister. The bond between them had become stronger over the years but Emma couldn't help but feel that it could be ripped away from them at any given moment.

"Is it because of me?" Henry asked in a small voice.

His question made her eyes widen in surprise. _How could he think this was his fault?_ She tried to answer him but he continued before she had chance to speak.

"Is it because you feel guilty about giving me away? I don't blame you; you were giving me my best chance. Please don't be sad, I love having a little sister you shouldn't feel bad about being Eva's mom because of me." Henry nervously bit his lip again and leaned his face against his hand as he waited for his mother to answer.

Henry's words had floored her and she tried her best to compose herself. She opened her mouth a couple of times to say something to her son but no words came, just small exhales of breath. Henry was blaming himself; she had made him feel like this was fault. Both herself and Neal had tried to protect him from what was going one, but she should have known Henry would find out.

She gently took his hand in hers. "Henry." She began softly, "look at me please." The tears threaten to come but Emma forced them back. She watched as Henry slowly without moving his head lifted his eyes up to hers.

"I need you to listen to me. This is not your fault okay?" Emma choked out as a few gently tears escaped her eyes. "Whatever is going on with me, you are not to blame, not for anything neither is Eva." Emma implored. She couldn't understand how Henry could even think that he was the reason for her behaviour.

Henry nodded but continued to stare at her confused. "Then why are you sad?"

Emma felt like she was going to breakdown at her son's question. She held her free hand to chest as she held her swan charm close to her heart while the other hand began to tremble. She felt Henry squeeze her hand gently. She wanted to explain herself to her son but she didn't really understand the reasons herself. She had no idea where to begin but Henry deserved to know the truth. Emma had made a promise that she would never lie to him again.

"Well Kid, here's the thing…" She took a deep breath. "I don't why I feel sad all the time, I wish I knew the reasons why but I don't." Emma sniffed back the tears and exhaled heavily before she began again. "But I'm trying to get better for you and for Eva." She said as truthfully as she could.

Henry shuffled again in his seat. He was Emma lower her as she looked at him through wet eyes lashes. "So is that why you are going to see Archie?" He asked. His mother looked at him surprised. "I overheard you and dad talking." He quickly added.

Emma nodded. "Yes I am."

Henry smiled softly. "Cool! He helped me a lot, I'm sure he will do the same for you."

Emma returned her son smile even though she couldn't share his optimism. "I'm sure he will Kid." She replied and leaned back in her chair.

"He will and then Eva will see what an awesome Mom you are." Henry simply stated with a grin.

Emma tried to hide her elation at her son's statement. She chose to just smile as she bit her cheek to stop herself from laughing in relief that she hadn't scarred him for life. "So I'm awesome?" She asked raising her eyebrow with smirk. She wanted to believe Henry's words that she could do this, that she could be a good Mom to her children.

Henry raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Yeah, you're the savior! You fought a dragons and ogres. You rescued me for Neverland. I can't wait to tell Eva those stories when she's older. She needs to know our Mom is a total badass."

"Hey! Watch your language." Emma playfully scorned him. "But I can't argue with you, I am pretty amazing." She replied with a genuine warm smile.

The both fell into a fit of giggles. A wide smile appeared on Henry's face, he was so happy to see the real Emma back even if it was just for a moment or two.

Emma felt relieved to get a break when their food arrived. However it was nice to spend some time with Henry and to talk truthfully about what was happening at home.

Even though she felt determined to protect Henry from the pain she was going through it was nice to get things out in the open instead of hiding it away. Emma was glad she could be honest her son without feeling ashamed that she was being a bad parent.

Everyone else in their family had made an effort not to mention the subject to her. At times it seemed Neal and her parents were pretending the problem didn't exist at all; that she wasn't feeling depressed or that she was struggling being a Mom. But not Henry, he was always upfront and direct; she kind of preferred in that way.

As they tucked into their food Emma began to think about the last few days. She had to force the mouthful of food down past the lump in her throat when her thoughts turn to her daughter, Eva.

_Would she be able to have the same relationship with Eva that she had with Henry?_

Then suddenly it hit her, she wanted her little girl more than everything. She wanted to share everything with her. She wanted to hear Eva's first word and tease Neal that she said the word 'Mama' first. She would see her daughter's first steps. She would be there for Eva's first day of school. She would be the one her little girl ran to when she gets her heart-broken for the first time. She would be the only one Eva would call Mom.

It all felt so surreal but Emma knew she wanted it all. The tears began to form in her eyes at the thought of it all.

"I was thinking maybe when you're better we can have a family day out?" Henry said as he broke the silence between them. He dug his folk into the bowl of fries. "Maybe we could to the park?" He asked as he shoveled them into his mouth.

"Uh maybe Kid." Emma replied. Even though she just had a small revelation, she didn't want to make him a promise she wasn't sure she could keep. But at the same time she didn't want to hurt his feelings.

Henry shuffled in his seat again; he had immediately picked up on the change in Emma's voice. He watched as she pushed the food round on her plate. "How about we go somewhere this weekend? He knew he was pushing his luck a little but he wanted to see if his mother would meet his eyes

Emma sighed quietly, "I doubt it Kid, sorry." She kept her eyes locked on her meal. As sweet as Henry's suggestions were she still had so many thoughts and feelings she need to work out in her head. She felt bad when she heard Henry's disappointed sigh.

"So are you going to tell me what is going on with you and Jefferson's daughter?" Emma asked as she quickly tried to change the subject.

"What? Grace? Oh that's nothing." Henry replied as he bit his lip nervously. He had forgotten that Emma had caught them together holding hands earlier.

Emma's eyes shone with bemused adoration and amusement. Her son was growing up fast. "You both looked like you were enjoying yourselves, I'm sorry if I interrupted something." She said as she fought back the temptation to laugh.

Henry's mouth fell open and his cheeks turned pink. "I…We… Uh…" Henry stuttered. He suddenly felt shy and embarrassed. He nervously looked to the floor. "I didn't know you were there at the time."

Emma titled her head to the side and smiled at her son's bowed head. "Oh I could see that," she teased, still amused by Henry's embarrassment.

"We kind of held hands for the first time today." Henry finally admitted as he looked up at her sheepishly.

Emma let out a small laugh. "Must be true love then," she joked. Henry blushed again when he saw the amused smile on his Mom's face.

"For what it's worth Kid I still remember the first time your dad held my hand." Emma smiled.

"Yeah!" Henry's face lit up with excitement, he loved hearing the stories of how his parents met and fell in love. "What happened?" He asked eager to hear more.

"Uh well…" Emma squinted as she tried to remember all those years back. "It happened a few days after we met I think?" Her face creased as she thought back. Henry remained silence, his body leaned forward in his chair and he waited to hear his mother's story.

Emma continued slowly. "We were in a 24 hour diner, a bit like Granny's; we had just made…" She quickly stopped as remembered they had got the cash from selling some stolen goods earlier that day. She wanted to miss out that tiny detail. "Well we had some extra money… Anyway were just about to leave when this rain storm came from nowhere." She smiled and shook her head.

"We had parked the bug down a side street about two blocks from the diner. So your dad took my hand and we ran for it." She continued to explain. Henry smiled as he listened to the story; he was hanging on every word.

"By the time we made it back to the bug, our clothes we soaked through. Your dad was complaining about not having any dry clothes to change back into but I didn't care because all I could think about was that he had held my hand." Emma smiled shyly.

Henry just started at Emma with his eyes sparkling, "then what happened?" He asked.

"That's a story for another day Kid, come on eat your food before it gets cold." Emma replied as sh smiled to herself.

On their way back home, Henry was in full flow of chatter that Emma could barely get a word in edge-ways. She could tell if Henry was just happy at spending time with her or was trying to stop her asking questions about the little romance blossoming between him and Grace. She had a feeling it was a mixture of both but she didn't really mind and continued to listen to her son's happy babbling.

As they turned the corner a feeling of nervousness began to form in the pit of Emma's stomach they were almost home.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey everyone, thank you all so much for your reviews of the last chapter, I'm completely overwhelmed by the response to this story. Your reviews always make me smile and they really do mean a lot. So thank you again and I hope you like the new update and continue reading.**

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**Chapter 17 **

Neal uncomfortably shifted on the sofa as he nervously waited for Emma to return home. He could hear the sound of the clock ticking away the minutes. Each tick was starting to drive him mad. He got up from the sofa and began pacing back and forth across the room._How long could he continue to wait like this?_ He thought to himself.

As the seconds ticked by, each one added extra weight to his mind as the worry began to set in. The memories of waiting for his own mother to return home came into his head. _What if something bad had happened in Emma's session? What if she never came home? He couldn't do this without her._ Panic started to rush through his body and her heart pounded violently in his chest.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and his thumb scrolled through his contact list until it stopped on Emma's number. His finger lingered over the call button as his eyes flickered between his phone and the clock on the wall behind him. He couldn't decide if he was overreacting, but it was getting late and Emma's appointment had finished hours ago.

The sound of his baby daughter's cry snapped him out of his thoughts. "Okay, okay, I'm coming." Neal called out as he quickly hurried to the nursery. "It's okay Eva, Papa is here," He whispered as he entered the room.

Small brown eyes looked up at her from the cot. He could see the curiosity and excitement flicker across his daughter's eyes as he peered down at her. With a tired smile he picked up his precious little girl from her blanket and pulled her into his warm embrace. "I'm here Eva, I'm here." Neal soothed her cries.

He whispered soft sounds of reassurance as he carried his daughter out of the room and towards the kitchen. Eva's cries began to lessen as her father rocked her back and forth. "I know you're hungry aren't you?" He murmured quietly to the bundle in his arms.

Neal found a bottle in the fridge and heated it. He looked down at his baby daughter in amazement. He could see there was a need radiating from her and not just for milk but also for the need to emotionally bond with her mother. Neal had tried his best to give Eva that connection when he fed her but it wasn't the same as the warmth Emma could offer her.

He settled them down on the sofa and gave Eva her bottle. Neal looked down at the baby cradled in his arms. His eyes studied her for a moment, Eva was so much like her mother; they had the same nose and chin. Their daughter even had strands of light blonde hair just like Emma's. The similarities brought tears to his eyes. Neal watched as Eva pulled away from her bottle and glanced up towards him.

"Good?" He asked quietly. He lifted an eyebrow as he watched her tiny features scrunched up before she returned to her bottle. Neal held out his thumb so she could wrap her little fingers around it.

"I know Eva you miss you Mom." He smiled sadly. "I miss her too." He gently rocked his little girl in an attempted to lighten their spirits. "Don't worry she will find her way back to us."

It didn't take long for Eva to finish her bottle. Neal gently lifted her up against his shoulder as he patted her back. "That's my girl."

Just as he began to lower Eva back down, her face screwed up again. "Hey princess, what it is?" Neal asked concerned. Then suddenly Eva was sick. By the way he was holding her she had no choice but to throw up all over Neal. Somehow she had managed to cover them both.

"Aw Eva, honey!" Neal grumbled.

Suddenly the front door burst open and Henry raced into the house kicking off his shoes. "Hey Dad. Hey Eva." He called out before he raced up the stairs.

"Hey kid, what did I tell about picking up your shoes?" Emma yelled after him as she entered the house.

Emma immediately felt a pair of eyes on her. She turned and blinked nervously towards the front room. She locked eyes with Neal and bravely risked a smile. "Hey," she breathed out nervously as she worried her bottom lip roughly between her teeth. She could see her daughter in his arms.

"Hey," Neal smiled back at her. Emma could feel him watching her intently, she tried to pretend that she didn't notice it but she couldn't stop herself feeling self-conscious as she felt his eyes all over her.

The atmosphere became awkward almost instantly. Emma wanted to say something to him, she wanted to ask how Eva was but she didn't know how to begin the conversation. She didn't want to talk about anything serious with him straight away but then she couldn't think of anything trivial to say.

"How was it?" Neal asked suddenly breaking the painful silence between them. No matter how hard he was trying to hide it the apprehension on his face was clear to see.

Emma couldn't believe how anxious and scared he looked. It was strange to see him this way and she felt herself oddly being drawn to comfort him. "Yeah, it was okay." She titled her head to the side as she shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, this little one thought it would be funny to throw up all over herself and me so I'm going to give her a quick bath then maybe we can talk?" Neal said as he stood up from the sofa.

"Uh Neal," Emma quickly called after him. "Do you… Um… Maybe… Maybe I can help you give Eva a bath?" She asked nervously. She didn't know why she had suggest the idea of helping or where she was getting the strength to reach out like this but after speaking to Archie she wanted to do something to make things better.

Neal looked at her for a moment; she looked so scared that he would say no to her offer. Emma was always afraid that she would be turned away. He knew she was shyly pulling down her guard and that something as simple as bathing their daughter could expose how insecure she round Eva. But if she was willing to try he wasn't going to stop her.

"Yeah of course you can." He grinned excited at the prospect of them bathing their baby together. "Just give me a minute to change my shirt."

* * *

Emma felt like she couldn't relax. Apart from the sound of running water and Eva's soft murmurs the room was silent as neither of them spoke a word even though they were desperate to talk. The longer the silence went on the harder it had become to start a conversation.

Neal had his back turned as he started to fill up their daughter's bath tub, Emma found herself staring at Eva. She could not keep her eyes off her little girl who was happily kicking her tiny legs up into the air. Emma smiled softly, she wanted to go over to her baby but she couldn't bring herself to move her feet. She was too afraid to get to close, worried she would upset her. The last thing she wanted to do was make Eva cry.

Emma quickly lowered her head down to the floor when she realized that Neal had turned round to face her. Her eyes focused on her shirt as she pretended that she had now found a huge interest in one of her buttons. She tried to ignore the feeling of his brown eyes on her and nervously began chewing her lip.

Neal went to open his mouth but closed it instantly. He could see how anxious she looked standing in the doorway, frighten to breach the threshold. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, he wanted her to talk and tell him everything that had happened with her session with Archie. However he had to deal with their baby, determined to use this opportunity to get Emma involved. He smiled warmly at her, "do you want to get her into the bath?"

Emma shook her head, "I'll just watch you."

Neal tried his best not to drop his smile, he knew her just being here with them was a start and he didn't want to push her away. He carried on and made his way over to the change mat and picked up his daughter. "That's my girl," Neal said as he gently settled their baby into the bath tub.

Emma watched them intently as Eva settled in the water. She raised her eyebrow in surprise; she had expected their baby to cry out soon as her body touched the warm water. "I thought babies hated having baths?" I know I certainly did when I was a Kid." She said as the memory of one of foster parents entered her mind. She remembered how they would chase after her because she refused to have a bath. She hated it; they were always so rough with her.

Neal watched as Emma's brow crease slightly and her eyelids slowly flickered, he knew exactly what she was thinking, he too shared those bad childhood memories. He wished he could take them away, but he couldn't, all he could do was to make sure they didn't make the same mistakes with Henry and Eva.

He smiled softly when he caught Emma's eyes. "Nah," He shook his head. "Eva loves bath time; she likes a duck to water or you could say like a Swan." He joked. Neal tried to hold back a laugh when he saw Emma roll her eyes but he continued.

"You're a little Swan aren't Eva, just like your mommy." Neal could see the corners of Emma's lips slowly rising to form a smile. He knew he sounded ridiculous but it had worked, she was starting to soften.

Emma watched as Eva's little feet kicked out splashing the warm water at her father. "Hey, are you splashing your papa?" Neal asked with a small laugh as Eva kicked again, this time she sent bubbles up into the air.

Neal looked over his shoulder to see Emma watching on, he could see she was still nervously chewing her lower lip. "Hey honey, um could you pass me the sponge?"

He had deliberately left the sponge on the side. This was an underhanded tactic but if it got Emma to move from the doorway into the room it had been worth it. Emma's eyes widen a little but she slowly picked up the sponge and made her way over to her husband and daughter.

"How about you wash her while I'll hold her up?" Neal suggested. He watched as Emma's features formed a worried frown. He tried to convey through his eyes all the comfort and support he could offer. He gently took her hand in hers and squeezed it reassuringly. "You can do this honey."

Emma took a deep breath and knelt beside Neal, She gently dipped the sponge in warm water and soothingly ran it over her baby's head and lightly brushed it through her soft fair hair. Eva wriggled a little as her mother softly ran the sponge down her tiny body.

Emma smiled down at her baby girl confidently for the first time. A small happy tear escape the corner of her eye and rolled her cheek as she gently stroked her daughter's cheeks with the warm sponge. She couldn't see the smile that swept across Neal's face as he stepped back letting her take control of the situation. They stayed that way for moment or two as Emma continued to wash the warm water over their baby daughter.

"You like that don't you, Little Lady?" Neal cooed finally breaking the silence.

Eva responded to the sound of her father's voice by smacking her tiny feet against the water splashing it all over Emma.

Neal laughed when Emma pulled a face and averted her eyes down to her wet shirt. "I guess you like splashing mommy too?" He smiled. Eva splashed water over Emma again. "That's my girl."

"You think that's funny do you?" Emma scowled at him before gently splashing water towards Neal, causing the pair of them to laugh together.

The atmosphere had lightened; the simple act of working together to bathe their daughter had broken the tension between them and it seemed Emma had forgotten the hard expectations she had given herself.

"Will you be okay getting Eva out of the bath while I go and get a clean baby-grow?" Neal questioned. He did not want to leave them but he felt that it would be good for Emma to spend some time with Eva alone.

Emma nodded meekly, "um… Yes… Okay." She replied nervously as the fear began to build up in her stomach again.

Neal sighed lightly; he was a little concerned by Emma's anxious tone. He put his hand on her knee and squeezed it, "I'll be right back."

Emma had wanted some time alone with her daughter since she had left her session with Archie but now that they were here, she had no idea what to say or do. So far she had just followed Neal's lead. "Hey baby," She said awkwardly.

Emma took another deep breath and reached into the bath. She gently placed her hands around Eva's body and lifted her little girl up into her arms.

Eva started to make little cries as Emma lifted her up against her shoulder. She could feel her daughter's little body shiver due to the sudden change of temperature. To her surprise she felt Eva snuggle into her chest as she carried her over to the bath towel which led out on the changing mat. "It's okay Eva, please don't cry," She whispered quietly as she lowered her baby down on the soft towel.

Emma looked down at her beautiful little girl who was now led out on the fluffy white towel. Eva was so full of life as she reached up towards her mother seeking the comfort she so desperately wanted.

Emma could feel her heart beating hard in chest as she gently reached out and ran her fingertips over Eva's soft strains of blonde hair. "I'm here Eva, I'm here." She gently whispered as she ran her fingers down her baby's tiny cheek, enjoying the feeling of her smooth skin beneath her fingertips.

Eva seemed to respond to her mother's movements and her cries started to settle down. Emma smiled to herself, she was starting to notice how her daughter liked being touched and it seemed to soothe her somehow.

Gently Emma crooked her finger and ran her knuckle over Eva's little button nose down to her chin. "I think you have inherited my family's chin." She laughed quietly as Eva's face crinkled up.

"Yeah, that was my reaction too," She leaned over so she could snuggle her own nose against her little girl's.

As much as Emma tried to keep the smile off her face she couldn't manage it, it felt so strange to share these moments with Eva but she remembered what Archie had told her, it was completely natural to want this close intimacy with her baby.

Eva reached up with her little hand and curled it around a strand of Emma's hair. She held it tightly with a tiny pink fist.

"Are you trying to pull Mommy's hair?" Emma playfully asked as she began to carefully pry her daughter's tiny fingers free from the strands of her hair. Eva refused to give up and reached out again with her arm towards her mother, who in return offered her a finger to grab hold of.

Emma couldn't hold back her laughter at her daughter's stubborn determination as she watched Eva reach out with her other hand, her little fingers stretched trying to take hold of her hair again. "I'll have to remember to tie my hair up next time," She smiled and stroked her hand over her baby's cheek again.

Noticing Eva shiver again Emma quickly but carefully tugged up the corners of the soft bath towel around her baby's tiny body, tucking her in gently. "That's better isn't it? This will keep you warm." She whispered softly as she continued to stroke her baby's face.

Emma watched as Eva's eyelids softly began to close. Her eyes drifted over her baby, everything about her little girl was perfect, from the strands of blonde hair on the top of head down to her tiny toes. She even loved the way her tiny face scrunched up as she slept and how she let out a tiny squeak as she yawned. She wondered how she could have made a baby as perfect as Eva.

A small but proud smile tugged at the corners of Emma's lips. This had been the first time she had successfully dealt with Eva's cries without help from Neal.

As much as Emma wanted to believe she was better she still knew that she had a long way to go. However she didn't want to let this moment slip away, so she decided to just enjoy this quiet moment with daughter.

Emma had been so engrossed in her little girl she hadn't noticed Neal had entered the bathroom again. He stood quietly leant against the door frame watching them. The sight of Emma with their baby daughter in her arms made his heart race for a moment. She looked beautiful and content as she wrapped Eva up snug in the bath towel that he didn't want to disturb them.

_Maybe that session with Archie had helped_ he thought to himself. He smiled as he watched Emma start to finally bond with their baby.

Emma jumped a little when she heard footsteps approaching behind her. She turned her head slightly to see Neal grinning happily at her.

Neal stared into her eyes and just for a second he saw the spark back in her eyes, but it was gone in the simplest blink.

The spark may have disappeared in Emma's eyes but the smile remained on her face. He watched as her eyes drifted to the baby clothes and blanket in his hands. "I guess we won't need these then?" He chuckled lightly and placed them down on the side.

Emma felt her body go slightly stiff, she felt uncomfortable being close to Eva now Neal was in the room. She carefully placed Eva in her father's arms.

Neal had noticed her smile drift a little but it was still visible. He sighed quietly; he knew she had retreated again. It always seemed like every time they took a step forward, Emma would immediately take two steps back. He softly kissed Eva's little cheeks as he held her close to his chest.

"Do you think she will be warm enough?" Emma suddenly asked, her eyes were still on the little bundle in her husband's arms. She didn't want Eva to feel cold; Emma had always hated the cold.

"Yeah, she will be fine." Neal assured her.

Suddenly a loud piercing cry came from Eva. Emma instantly reached out and traced her fingers soothingly over her baby's rosy cheeks. She had done it without thinking. But soon as her fingers had made contact with Eva's cheek she couldn't pull them back. She couldn't bring herself too.

She had this sudden need to make it all better to soothe her baby. Her fingers again brushed up and down the bridge of Eva's nose as she stroked it softly. Eva's responded and her cries soften down again.

Neal watched somewhat amazed and surprised by Emma's actions.

Noticing Neal's eyes on her Emma let out a nervous breathy laugh. "I think she likes it when you stroke her nose." She smiled embarrassed.

"Do you want to take her?" He asked with a hopeful smile.

Emma quickly pulled her hand away as she shook her head. "No it's okay, she's settled now and I don't want to disturb her." She averted her eyes again. She couldn't help but feel she was letting them both down again.

"Well, let me put her to bed then we can talk about how it went with Archie today." Neal said slightly discomfited by the sudden change in Emma's behaviour. He attempted a smile but she was still avoiding making eye contact with him. "Come on Eva, its sleep time," He whispered and made his way out of bathroom.

Emma watched as Neal turned and walked out of the room taking their baby with him. A small tear trickled down her cheek as the door closed behind them.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey, thank you all again for your reviews! Your**** reviews do really help me decide where to go with this story so I appreciate each one. ****Anyway the next chapter is a flashback I had a few requests to write this so I really hope you enjoy it. **

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**Chapter 18**

**_Six weeks earlier... _**

Emma's tired eyes fluttered open as the bright light of the sun filtered through the blinds and shone across her face. Her mind felt groggy as she looked up at the unfamiliar white tiled ceiling above her. She felt so worn out and her body screamed in agony. Her eyelids felt heavy that if she was to close them, they would never open again.

Suddenly her heart leapt painful in her chest when she remembered exactly where she was, she was in a hospital ward she had just had a baby._ A baby, how could she have forgotten that? _

Carefully Emma began to haul herself up into a sitting position. She gripped the side of the bed tightly as a wave of pain ripped across her body. She didn't remember feeling this much pain when she had Henry. She felt like her body had torn in two all she wanted was to sleep and let her body heal.

Despite the pain Emma felt her body straighten up when she heard the sound of the door creak open. She assumed it was Neal coming back with her overnight bag. Then after a few seconds she heard someone clear their throat.

A young nurse appeared pushing a tiny plastic cot in front her. Emma's eyes widened and she felt her throat go dry as she stared down at the little bundle in the cot. The tiny baby wrapped up in the pink blanket was her little girl. She felt her heart thud louder and harder in her chest as the nurse wheeled the mobile cot over to the side of her hospital bed.

"Good morning Mom," The young woman smiled brightly at her. Emma immediately felt uncomfortable. "And how are feeling after some rest?" The nurse continued.

"I'm… okay…Thank you," Emma lied. Her voice was no louder than a whisper and her hands nervously began to smooth down her hospital gown. Her eyes now started intently at the baby in front of her. This was her little girl, she could hardly believe it, she had a daughter; she was a mother again. Then why did she feel empty. Her stomach gave her an unpleasant feeling of fear and her heart raced faster with every second she looked at her baby. She quickly blinked away the tears that began to form in her eyes.

"It's okay if you feel tired Emma after all no one would blame you after everything you have been through in the past few hours." The nurse chuckled lightly as she placed some blankets across the bed.

_Was that it? Maybe I'll feel different after some rest?_ Emma thought to herself though she didn't believe it even though she desperately wanted too.

She watched as the nurse placed her hands under the small baby and lifted her daughter up into her arms. A small cry escaped from the bundle which caused Emma to flinch. It was the same painful cry she remembered from the birth. "What's wrong? Is she okay?" She nervously asked. Her voice shook with nerves.

"Oh yes she is perfectly healthy." The nurse smiled softly and carefully carried the baby towards Emma. "You're just hungry aren't you little one." She cooed down at the baby. She smiled again warmly when she looked over to Emma. She could see a mixture of fear and nerves written all over the new mom's face, it wasn't uncommon at all.

The nurse sat down on the edge of the bed and freed her hand so she could squeeze Emma's reassuringly. "Don't worry, you'll be fine and just remember little Eva here just wants her mommy,"

Emma's mind began to race with panic, "I'm feeling really tired, can't we try this again later?" She whispered pleadingly. She didn't want to do it, she didn't feel ready to nurse her baby yet; she still felt so sore and just wanted to rest.

"Emma, I know you want to rest but your daughter needs her mommy." The nursed smiled at her kindly and held the baby out a little more towards Emma. "Just try nursing her, trust me she's just as nervous as you are." The nurse continued.

Emma opened her mouth; she was on the verge of arguing before she snapped it shut. The sooner she tried the sooner she would be left alone to rest.

Emma felt a lurch of utter terror in the pit of her stomach. She knew the nurse was being kind to her but she felt like she was forcing her into breastfeeding her baby. She was too tired to do this now. She felt her eyes begin to fill with fresh tears as she looked down at her little girl in the arms of the nurse. She looked so small and helpless.

_'Your daughter needs her Mommy.'_ The words rang in Emma's ears, Eva needed her. She looked at them blankly for a moment as she bit her lip nervously. She felt her head nod slowly despite the fear that washed over her body. She tried her best to hide the tearful sigh that escaped her lips. A tiny part of her still wished they could try this later, maybe with Neal here to support her but their baby wasn't ready to wait any longer.

"Here's your mommy Eva," the nurse cooed.

Emma's breath caught in her throat as she sat up straighter. Her arms shook with fear as she held them out awkwardly in front of her.

"Relax Emma, remember you're her mom there is no reason to worry." The nurse said as she gently lowered the baby into Emma's open arms. "Just move your arm here to support her head." The Nurse smiled as she helped the new mom hold her daughter in the perfect cradle. "See there you go."

Emma sucked in a deep breath and her eyes continue to fill with tears as she felt the weight of her daughter in her arms. She felt like her heart stopped as she looked down at her baby. Her eyes traced over every feature as she memorized her little girl's face. She noticed her daughter's eyes were open and looked up directly at hers. Her baby stared intently at her.

"Try holding your baby in a place that won't make your arms or back ache. Most moms find it easier cradling their baby across their chest but raised up on a cushion or a pillow works just as well. It depends what is more comfortable for you." Emma heard the nurse say to her before she nervously lowered her gown.

_'Depends what is more comfortable for you.'_Nothing about this felt comfortable.

Emma slowly cradled her new-born daughter to her breast and waited for her daughter to do something. But nothing happened. She began to feel the panic rising in her stomach again, she didn't know what to do to get Eva to latch on and it seems her baby didn't know either.

Emma worriedly looked over to the nurse for guidance. _What was she doing wrong?_ _Surely nursing a hungry baby would be easy? _

"Try holding her a bit closer and remember to relax." The nurse encouraged.

Emma tried changing her position so her baby was closer to her breast, however again nothing. Eva didn't respond at all, she didn't latch on instead she stayed oddly quiet and continued to look up at her mother. Seeing Eva's sad little face made Emma want to burst into tears, but she managed to find the strength to hold them back. She refused to breakdown in front to the young nurse beside her.

"Try coaxing her." The nurse advised, she could sense Emma was struggling and if the baby could feel their mother was feeling stressed or unhappy they wouldn't latch on. The new mom just needed to stay calm and soothe her baby.

A small alone tear slowly rolled down Emma's cheek. She couldn't find it in herself to touch her baby or show any comfort.

_Why was everything so difficult for her?_ She thought to herself as she chewed down hard on her bottom lip. _Was her new baby punishing her for giving away her first child?_ The guilt washed over her in waves, each one more heart-breaking than the first. Okay, she may have messed up last time, but that was in the past this time it was different. Neal was here, Henry was back in her life and she had her family. This time she could give her baby their best chance.

Emma couldn't help but feel that her baby, her little Eva knew she had doubts. It was if she knew from the start that Emma wasn't ready, that she wasn't good enough. Soon as she was born and the midwife placed her in Emma's arms she screamed so loud that it cut straight through her entire body.

It was until she placed her baby in Neal's arms that her screams quieted down to soft murmurs and now she refused to let her nurse her. Emma closed her eyes; she could still hear Eva's cries in the delivery room.

The rational part of her brain was telling her that this was stupid of course her baby loved her, she was mother, give it time, but deep down Emma knew the truth.

Emma freed one hand so she could wipe the tears from her cheeks as her heart swelled with sadness. This wasn't how it she imagined it. "Can you take her back please?" She asked with a quiet sob.

The nurse gently lifted the baby from Emma's arms. Almost instantly Eva began to cry. Emma closed her eyes again. Her baby's cries were the worst sound in the world. She couldn't help but feel that Eva was crying out for her, for her Mommy, but there was nothing Emma could to do to take away the tears.

"Hush little one," She heard the nurse coo softly. Hearing her daughter so distressed made it impossible for Emma to hold back the tears.

She felt the nurse place a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "It's okay Emma, we will try again later." Emma opened her eyes again to see the nurse looking at her with a sympathetic smile.

"It's nothing to worry about it. It's very common and happens to lots of new moms. Breastfeeding takes practice. Just give yourself as much time as you need and you and little Eva will get there."

Emma tried her best to fake a smile at the young nurse. _Why did it seem everyone was expert on her feelings? _

The nurse smiled again. "Don't worry she will let you nurse her when she's ready."

Emma watched as the nurse placed her baby carefully back into the cot. She gently tucked Eva in with her baby blanket. _Eva seemed to like this nurse more than her, _she thought to herself.

"Try and get some rest and I'll come back in an hour or so to check on you both." The nurse gave her another smile as she made her way to the door.

Emma sighed quietly in relief as she heard the door click shut behind her. She sat motionless in her bed for a moment, now she was alone with her baby she didn't know what to do. Was she meant to hold her baby or talk to her or just leave her to sleep. She was clueless. Her eyes quickly dared to the clock on the wall, she remembered that Neal said he would be back about midday at the latest and that was about an hour away. She sighed and looked back at her baby. _Everything would be okay soon as Neal got here, he would know what to do,_ she thought.

Despite herself Emma felt like she needed to do something. She carefully swung her legs out from her blankets and placed her feet on the cold floor. She winced again in pain as she stood up from the bed.

Quietly she crept toward the cot; her footsteps were soft as if she was almost tiptoeing against the room. She felt scarred as she approached her baby.

Emma stood beside the cot and looked down at her little girl. Her baby looked so beautiful and innocent. Her tiny arms were neatly placed on top of her blanket. She sighed quietly as she admired her baby tiny features. Her little girl was in need of love and warmth; she was in need of her mother.

Emma's stomach gave her another unpleasant feeling of fear. _How could someone who was so small and perfect need someone like her?_ She wondered to herself tearfully for a moment.

Nothing made sense in her mind anymore, here was her baby, the most beautiful little girl Emma had ever seen yet she felt nothing. All the mixed emotions in her head had become too hard to handle. She was here with daughter yet it felt like they were miles apart.

_What was wrong with her? _She asked herself as she shook her head. A feeling of self-loathing washed over her. She had it all, she had everything she had ever dreamed of. She had a beautiful daughter and son; a loving husband and caring supportive family. So what there weren't the most conventional family, they were altogether and happy. _So why did she now feel like she was about to ruin everything? _

Emma quickly shuffled her way back to her bed. The nurse's words played over and over in her head_. 'It's nothing to worry about it. It's very common and happens to lots of new moms…. Give it time.'_ She pulled the covers up her chin. She didn't know why the nurse's words hurt so much or why her approval mattered.

"It's nothing Swan, you just need rest… that's all it is…you just need to rest." Emma muttered quietly to herself. She carefully rolled over to her side so she faced away from her baby. "It's nothing." She breathed out again and closed her eyes tightly as she ignored the small cries coming from the cot behind her.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you SO much for your reviews, follows and favorite you have no idea how much I appreciate them :D ****  
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**I'm struggling a bit with writer's block so I apologize if this chapter isn't that great if ****anyone has ideas or suggestions I would love to them.**. I do plan to move the story along after this chapter so I hope you stick with me and continue reading. 

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**Chapter 19**

Emma sat perched on the edge of the sofa. Her legs and hands shuffled nervously as she listened to Neal moving around in Eva's nursery above her. He was settling their daughter down for the evening. Afterwards they had agreed to sit down and discuss Emma's session today with Archie.

The idea of talking about her conversation in her session with Neal made her feel anxious. She could feel her heart pounding hard in chest at the thought of it. She had shared secrets about their past with Archie, so much that she felt like she had betrayed Neal's trust.

She felt guilty that she had confessed that a part of her hadn't forgiven Neal for abandoning her all those years ago, regardless of his good intentions.

The anxiety began to build in the pit of her stomach as she thought of a way she could tell this to her husband without hurting his feelings. She had no idea how he would react if he found out that his past mistakes could have affected her deeper than he had ever imagined. It would crush him if he thought he was one of the many reasons she was struggling to bond with their daughter. Emma couldn't do that to him she loved him too much.

Unable to sit still any longer Emma stood up from the sofa and awkwardly wandering up and down the front room as she tried to compose herself.

All these mixed feelings she had made her feel so confused; she no longer understood her own mind or behaviour. She had desperately tried to move forward and she thought she had taken big step with her recovery today, only to find her herself jumping backwards at the first chance she had.

She felt so angry and frustrated with herself for passing Eva back into Neal's arms just when a tiny but fragile bond had begun to form between them.

Soon as Neal had re-entered the bathroom, she felt uncomfortable being intimate with their baby with him watching. She felt embarrassed that she was vulnerable with Eva round Neal and this had caused her to panic. The only way she could cope with those feelings was to push her baby away. She hadn't meant to do it and soon as Eva left her arms, they felt empty. She wanted her baby back but was too afraid to take her from Neal. She could still see the disappointment on his face as he carried their baby away from her. She had let them both down.

Once again, Emma had let her uncertainty and insecurities push away the one thing she really wanted. _Why couldn't she just believe in herself that she could this? That she could be Eva's Mom. _But here she was again, waiting on the outside while Neal comforted their daughter. She felt a small stab of jealously that he could easily do the one thing she so longed to do but couldn't.

Emma rubbed her temple in frustration, she hated feeling this way. Her eyes searched the room for a distraction, anything to take her mind off waiting for Neal.

Suddenly a shiny object caught her eye. Emma now found herself being drawn to a small collection of photo frames that rested on top of the cabinet. Her eyes began to form tears as she made her way over to the cabinet. The happy smiles in the photos caused the tears to roll down her cheeks. No matter how painful the memories in the pictures were she couldn't stop herself from staring at them.

Her hand moved slowly from frame to frame. Her fingers lightly traced over every happy feature in each picture. Her hand finally stopped when it came to the photo of their wedding day. The picture was slightly out of focus, but Henry had taken it with Neal's camera so they had promised to keep it.

Emma's hands shook as she picked up the frame. Her eyes were now lost in an intense but loving stare as they looked over Neal. The photo had managed to capture the cheeky twinkle in his brown eyes and the big happy grin that was spread clear across his face. He looked so happy and proud. It was the same smile he had when Eva was placed in his arms for the very first time.

Emma cradled the photo frame against her chest and closed her eyes tightly. She could still remember how that one day they just decided to elope in their yellow bug with their son. They didn't want a fancy big wedding, all that mattered was that the three of them were together. She could also remember how her parents along with Gold and Belle had raced after them in her father's animal rescue van, the moment they discovered what their children were up too. A small smile appeared on her face as she began to lose herself in the memory behind the photo.

"Emma." Neal cautiously called out from the doorway. He had watched her for a while as she stared at their wedding photo. It killed him to see her so lost and hurt and even though he had seen her like this so many times in the last few days, he was still unsure how to comfort her.

The sound of her husband's voice snapped Emma straight back to reality. The happy smile on her face dropped and the photo frame slipped out of hands. The frame crashed to the floor with a loud smash. The glass fractured into tiny pieces and scattered across the wooden floor of the front room.

"Holy shit Emma you okay?" Neal called out; he hadn't meant to startle her.

The tears fell from Emma's eyes, "I'm so sorry," She cried and quickly bent down to clean up the shattered pieces of glass on the floor.

He watched in shock as Emma frantically tried to clean up the pieces of glass off the floor. "Em… Honey, be careful you'll cut yourself." Neal quickly rushed over to her side when she showed no sign of slowly down. The last thing he wanted was for her to hurt herself.

"I'm so sorry Neal… I didn't mean for it to happen." Emma replied as her hands darted all over the floor without a care of cutting herself.

Neal reached out and grabbed her wrists to stop her picking up the broken glass. "Honey, it's okay. It was an accident." He tried to assured her.

Emma shook her head as more tears escaped her eyes. "No! No it's not okay." She pulled her arms free from his hold. "I've broken it… It's all my fault."

Neal took a step back and watched as she continued to frantically pick up the broken pieces. He wondered for moment whether she was talking about the broken photo frame or something more serious.

Emma finally sank to the ground as her body shook uncontrollably with tears. Just like the broken frame she was falling apart again.

"Emma." Neal whispered softly. He bent down beside her so his eyes were level with hers. Her green eyes glisten with tears as she stared directly at his. He could see all the confusion and sadness swimming in her eyes as they stared at each other for moment.

"I'm sorry, I've ruin it." Emma sobbed quietly finally breaking their gaze. She closed her eyes tightly to stop more tears from falling.

Neal felt his breath catch in his throat. He now knew she was no longer talking about the broken frame but about them and their family. "Emma," he whispered to her again and reached up with his hand. He placed his hand lightly on her shoulder. "It's okay, I promise you, we will fix it."

He gently reached out with his other hand and softly touched her cheek. He could feel her body tremble beneath his hands. Almost instinctively he wrapped his arms around her body tightly. In one swift move Neal rose to his feet, holding Emma close to his chest he carefully lifted her up off the floor.

Neal felt Emma wrap her arms around his neck as she buried her head in his shoulder. One of his hands softly stroked her hair while the other soothingly rubbed her back. He could still feel her body sob against his as he held her tightly in his arms.

Slowly Neal moved towards the sofa taking Emma with him. He carefully watched out for the broken glass on the floor. Once they got to the sofa he clumsily lowered them both down. He held Emma close to him and waited for her sobs to slowly calm down.

He couldn't work out where this small outburst had come from. Emma had always been the strong one in their relationship, so seeing her so weak and vulnerable broke his heart. Neal tried to remind himself that it had only been a few days since she had confessed she was suffering from postpartum depression and there was still a long way to go with her recovery but he thought they had made progress today. Emma had made a brave step forward by going to see Archie and he had been so proud of her when she helped him bathe Eva. _So what could have changed in the time it had taken him to put Eva to bed? _

He gently removed his arms from around Emma's body. He moved his hand and tilted her chin up towards him so he could look her. "Em, honey please talk to me?" He asked as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. When Emma didn't respond, he tried to move himself closer to her but to his surprise he felt her push him away.

"Sorry," Emma whispered quietly. She wasn't sure what she was apologizing for, but saying sorry to everyone had become second nature to her recently.

"What are you sorry for?" Neal pressed further, he was trying not to pressure but he desperately wanted to know what had happened in the time he had put their daughter to bed until now.

"I'm sorry that… I dropped the photo frame… I didn't mean to break it." Emma muttered quietly. She was lying and she knew from the look on Neal's face he didn't believe that all this had been over a picture frame.

Neal lent back against the sofa and sighed loudly in frustration. He hated that every time he tried to get Emma to open up about her feelings she would put her guard straight back up. _How could he help her if she refused to tell him what was going on inside her head?_ "Damn it Emma. You're doing it again." He muttered quietly to himself.

"What?" Emma asked surprised and turned to face him.

Neal cursed himself, he hadn't meant to say that out loud and by the look of shock in her eyes she had definitely heard him. He sighed quietly. "I said you're doing it again." He repeated almost kicking himself.

Emma was unsure how to respond to his comment. She was unsure to what he was referring too. "What am I doing?" She asked harshly.

Neal bit his lip nervously, he knew that what he was about to say could hurt her, but if he wanted the truth from her than she deserved the same from him. "You're shutting me out again; I thought we promised that you would let me in but instead you're pushing me away again."

Emma opened her mouth to defend herself but snapped it shut instantly. She had no defense Neal was right. "You don't understand," She finally muttered in reply.

"Then help me understand, please Em?" Neal pleaded as he took hold of hand.

"Neal… I… I can't explain what happened… And I don't mean what just happened, I mean earlier with Eva… I don't know why I pushed her away again or why I'm doing the same to you now…" Her eyes looked back over to the row of photos. "Look at those photos Neal, that's not me anymore. I can't pretend to be happy and smile when all of this is my fault." The tears continued to fall as she looked at the pictures of her family, every smile and every warm hug their shared seem like a distant memory.

Neal glanced over his shoulder to see what she was looking at. "Emma," He whispered as he turned back to face her. He brushed his fingers gently down Emma's damp cheek. He wasn't sure whether she would flinch way from his hand but he had to touch. "They're just photos; they don't mean anything. Emma listened to me, none of this, matters without you. Just please talk to me about it."

"Neal… maybe we… can we talk about this with someone else?" Emma asked quietly. She saw the confusion come over Neal's face. "Archie said this morning that a few more sessions would help and maybe… well I thought it would be good if you came with me and talked to him too?"

"Yes." Neal answered almost immediately. If he was honest, the idea of talking about their problems with Archie scared him, but if this was what Emma needed he would do it in a heartbeat.

"Are you sure?" Emma asked again.

"Yeah, I want too." Neal smiled. It was truth he wanted to talk to Emma, no matter how painful revisiting the past would be for him. He would do for them and their family.

"Thank you." Emma tried to suppress her elation and chose to just return his smile. She slowly moved closer to Neal and cuddled into his chest. She felt him press a small kiss into her hair before resting his head on top of hers.

Emma sighed softly, as long as they could talk and get things out in the open then maybe they could clear up the past hurt and move on together as a family.


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey, thank you all for your reviews and messages about my last chapter. I really appreciate your honest opinions as I felt I lost my way a little with the previous update. I wasn't sure if I was going to post this chapter I understand that people are starting to get bored with the slow pace I'm taking I'll try my best to move the story forward but hopefully I keep it realistic as possible.**

**I found this chapter impossible to write but I felt it was important to the story. I promise this will be the last really angst filled chapter. Hope you enjoy it! :D**

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**CHAPTER 20**

There had never been a more unnerving silence in the history of Storybrooke as Emma and Neal sat in Archie's waiting room. Today was their first session together. Snow and David had agreed to look after Eva while Henry was spending the day and night with Regina.

The chair Emma sat in felt uncomfortable but she made no attempt to move. She continued to stare at the wall in front of her with a vacant expression. Her hands clasped tightly together as she sat in silence. She was mentally counting every tick of the clock as the time passed by. Emma felt Neal's eyes on her but she refused to make eye contact with him, she didn't want him to see how nervous she was after all this had been her idea.

Neal rubbed his eyes as a wave of fatigue crashed over him. He was so tired; his body ached from exhaustion caused by all the recent events. He sighed to himself as he stared at Emma. He felt like he didn't know her anymore, he used too. Once upon a time they were young carefree kids who were just happy that they were together. That was the Emma he remembered. The woman in front of him was distant, guarded and tougher. But she was still his Emma.

A strange feeling of loneliness and anxiety washed over him. He hated the idea of talking about his past so openly with someone else but maybe getting things out in the open would help both of them regardless how terrified he felt.

He wasn't as strong or brave like her. Emma had always been too good for him, he knew that the moment she stole the bug from him. But luckily for him she had never seen it that way. _But love is blind right?_ Neal thought to himself. Despite all his flaws and mistakes she still loved him; he often wondered why she had given him another chance. _  
_

Neal knew she was going through a difficult time now and he was trying his best to support her but it didn't mean he wasn't getting frustrated with the situation. The way Emma continued to shut him out hurt him so much. He couldn't help but feel rejected and confused. One minute she would let him in and cry on his shoulder then the next she would shut him out again. He knew she couldn't help it and she was trying her best to get better. Closing down about her feelings was her way of dealing with things but regardless it still hurt all the same.

He tried to remember the last time they had just spent time together as a couple; she barely wanted to touch him anymore and she wouldn't let him get close to her. Neal sighed again; he hated how Emma was so cold with him sometimes. _Maybe today would help?_ He thought to himself.

"Hem, hem," Archie cleared his throat to alert the nervous couple of his presence. He could see the couple were both lost in their own private thoughts, however unknown to him and them, their thoughts were about each other. They both looked up towards him. "Emma, Neal, would you like to come through." He smiled and extended his hand towards the door.

Neal instantly jumped to his feet while Emma was more hesitated. She felt Neal place his hand gently on her shoulder; this was his way of reassuring her that everything would be okay. He gave her a small smile, though she could see he was just as nervous as her.

Emma bit her lip and followed Archie and Neal into the room. She felt her breath increase and her heart thumped loudly in her chest. Her stomach fluttered with nerves as she stepped through the door to Archie's office. She heard the door shut the behind them with a small click.

"Take a seat," Archie advised the couple with a warm smile, he could see how restless they both were.

They began going through the cursory small talk about how their morning had been, how the children were, they even spoke about the weather. This was Archie's way of getting them to relax and feel comfortable before the session really started.

"So Neal, how about we start by talking about you?" Archie said as he reached for his notepad.

Neal raised his eyebrows slightly surprised. He hadn't realised they were going to dive straight into his history; he thought they were going to listen to Emma and he would join in when needed. "Uh… Well… Um…" He began to stutter as his hands nervously started to play with scarf.

Emma looked over at her husband, she felt herself soften slightly. She had never seen him so tongue-tied, Neal was always so confident. She felt bad that she had put him in this difficult situation. "If you don't want to talk about it, then it's fine Neal." She whispered softly. She could hardly believe he was here with her, let alone discussing his feelings. He was just as private about his past as she was about hers and the last thing she wanted to do was to push him even further away. She wanted to reach out and take his hand in hers but instead remained still and waited for him to say something.

"Em, its fine I want too." Neal replied. The couple shared a small but sincere smile which did not go unnoticed by Archie.

Neal nervously cleared his throat. He could feel the nerves kicking in but he had to move past it. He turned his attention back to Archie. "This might not mean anything but I haven't spoken about any of it before, but I want too, especially if it helps Emma."

"Okay Neal, maybe we should start at the beginning." Archie suggested.

"Well… I can't really remember a lot…" Neal lied, he could remember everything and he could see Emma raising an eyebrow at him. She could always tell when he was lying.

Neal sighed quietly. "I remember I was about six or seven when my father had told me my mother had died. He was lying of course. He was two afraid to tell me the truth. He was afraid to tell me that she had run away with…. Well you know." Emma could see Neal's eyes become misty with tears. "She left me behind, without a second thought," He sniffed quietly. Again Emma felt the need to comfort her husband but continued to sit still.

"How did that make you feel?" Archie asked. He could see that Neal had abandonment issues just like Emma, so if he could get them to share their pain then maybe they could move forward with their lives together.

Neal snorted lightly. "Angry, all my life I wondered how she could be so selfish. What parent puts their happiness before their own child? For years I resented her. I promised myself that if I had a child of my own than I would never leave them, no matter what happened I would always put my kid first." He paused and frowned. "But I ended up doing the same thing as her…. I left Emma… I left my son."

Emma could feel the tears beginning to form in her eyes; she knew how much Neal regretted leaving her. "Neal, you didn't know I was pregnant, I didn't even know myself." She reminded him. Yes he was wrong to have left her but he couldn't blame himself for leaving Henry.

Neal frowned again, "Yeah but I should have told August where to go but I didn't." He didn't want Emma to make excuses for him. "If I had stayed with you then none of this would have happened. I was selfish and afraid." He admitted. "I was afraid to face my father. I was a coward just like him." Neal felt himself blush. He could barely contain his shame and embarrassment at his past actions.

Emma looked at him, her mouth slightly open; she was unsure what to say to him. She had heard his apologies a thousand times over but somehow this felt different. They couldn't chance the past no matter how much they wish they could.

"When I went through the portal for the first time, I was lucky to find a family who took me in. The Darlings." Neal sighed and nervously licked his lips. He was trying his best to fight back the tears that burnt in the corners of his eyes. He didn't want to cry, he had to stay strong. "They showed me what a family should and could be. For the first time in my life I felt a part of something, I felt like I belonged. The only other time I had felt that way was when I met Emma."

Emma continued to sit in silence. She looked surprised at Neal for moment as he revealed this memory to her. He had never told her about this before. She understood more than anyone how important it was to feel like you belonged to someone and her heart had soared a little when he said he felt like he belonged with her.

Neal swallowed nervously and continued to speak. "Even though it didn't last the kindness that they had showed me had stuck with me and I knew that one day if I was lucky to have a family of my own then it would be just like theirs."

He could see Emma out of the corner of his eye. She was now leaning forward in her chair slightly as she listened to every word he had said. He felt slight self-conscious but he now determined to finish what he wanted to say, it was important for Emma to know where he was coming from.

"Maybe that's why I ignored the warning signs when Eva was born. I could see something wasn't right. But I chose not to say anything. I was so desperate to finally have a family I was being selfish. I let you down again Emma. I'm scared that I have become just like my parents." Neal's eyes began to tear up again and he sunk lower in his chair. He quickly looked away from Emma and Archie; he didn't want them to see him cry.

Emma averted her eyes away from him as he wiped his face. She could tell he felt embarrassed and she didn't want to make him even more uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry." Neal mumbled into his sleeve. "I don't know why I told you that… It's just… I don't know." He shook his head.

"No Neal, that was good." Archie said encouragingly and turned to face Emma. "Last time you were here Emma we talked about your time in jail and when you had Henry. Maybe you could share that with Neal." Archie said. He could see the tension building in her posture. He understood how difficult it was for her to revisit that part of her life but it was important for her to share this with Neal.

Emma sighed quietly._ Where did she start? Was she ready for him to know what happened to her? What if it upset him?_ All these questions raced around in her mind. She cleared her throat; she had no idea where to start. Suddenly she began to panic, the longer she remained silent the harder in became to start talking.

"Well…" She began and paused to clear her throat again.

Neal looked at Emma. He could see just like him before, she was now struggling to string a sentence together. He didn't really understand why she was finding hard to tell him the truth they had discussed it briefly before.

"How about we start where we left off?" Archie suggested. "We were talking about Henry's birth."

Emma nodded and took another deep breath. "I never wanted to give Henry up, not really but I was eighteen, alone and scared." The tears began to flow down her cheeks. "I had nothing to offer him, I was in jail and then afterwards I would be out on the street again…. I… I didn't want him to grow up like I did…. But it didn't stop me wanting him, I wanted my son."

Neal watched as Emma closed her eyes as she lost herself in the memory of her past. It was painful to listen to it but he had to hear it. He wanted so badly to reach into Emma's memories and changed what had happened but he couldn't. All he could was listen.

"I remember after he was born, the nurse let me hold him for a few minutes, he was perfect," Emma smiled to herself. "And then they told me that the people from the adoption agency were here," she sniffed. "I remember the nurse taking Henry from my arms; I didn't have the strength to call out to her, to tell her I had changed my mind."

Neal continued to stare silently at Emma. He took in every word. He could feel his own tears rolling down his cheeks as he listened to his wife's heartbreak. He had no idea what Emma had gone through. She had refused to talk about it and he was always too afraid to ask.

"I wanted to pull him away from them, so they couldn't take him away. He was my baby and they took him." Emma sniffed again. "I remember crying so hard that I could hardly breathe." She exhaled heavily before continuing again. "The door closed and Henry was gone. It felt like my heart had broken into tiny pieces. I just wanted my son back." Emma took a deep breath and her hands shook. She made no attempt to wipe away tears.

Neal watched engrossed as she spoke. He could feel every ounce of her pain. He should have been there for her. He wanted brush away her tears but he didn't dare move his hand. He wanted to make all pain and hurt disappear for her. He was fighting the urge to just wrap Emma up in his arms but he had to let her finish talking.

"I knew one day he would come looking for me so I promised myself that I would make my baby proud… But I've let him and everyone down. The pain of losing Neal and Henry changed me. That's why I push people away. I'm scared of letting anyone in."

It was first time Emma had been completely honest with Neal about what had happened. She had exposed everything to him, though she knew her past didn't excuse the way was acting. Eva didn't deserve to suffer because of it. The pair sat close together as stared into each other's eyes. Neal opened his mouth wordlessly; there was nothing he could say to make this better.

The memories of Emma's past in jail was still raw and the all the apologies in the words couldn't take that away. But there was nothing else he could say or do but utter those words. "Emma, honey… I'm so sorry… for everything…If I hadn't left none of this... It's my fault." He whispered quietly. His voice creaked as the tears fell silently down his cheek. They were both connected by the guilt they both shared.

Emma took a deep breath, the tears continued to fall. She felt like they had taken some small step forwards by coming here today however it now seemed they were back at the start. "Neal. I'm sorry too. I should have told you how I felt sooner." She sighed slightly. She felt caught between being relieved and discontented. There was still so much they needed to say but at least they had made a start.

"Well, I'm glad you told me now." Neal smiled softly.

"I know it doesn't mean that it excuses my behaviour. What I'm doing now and how I am with Eva isn't right but I can't stop myself feeling guilty every time I go near her… I can't help but feel like I'm a terrible mother." Emma admitted quietly.

"Emma.., Listen to me…" Neal said softly. He reached out and softly cupped the palm of his hand against her tear-stained cheek. The pad of his thumb brushed away the remaining tears. Even with Archie watching on he still had the urge to have more intimate contact with his wife. Emma was far from being a terrible mother, she was brilliant with Henry and she could be with Eva if she only believed in herself. "You are a great Mom." He smiled softly.

Emma shook her head and snorted lightly. "Come on Neal, Eva screams every time I go near her."

"That's not true Emma. Eva is responding to you, when you're unhappy she can sense that and it makes her upset." He said softly as he continued to cup her cheek.

Emma could feel herself becoming lost in his gentle touch on her cheek. She had almost forgotten they were in Archie's office.

"What makes Eva happy in being safe in your arms, knowing that you love her." He continued with a loving smile.

Emma sighed softly and turned away from him as she slowly started to become aware of her surroundings. "How can you be so sure of that?" She asked quietly.

"Because it's the same thing that makes me happy." Neal smiled again and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. Emma tried her best to hide the smile that appeared on her lips.

"Well," Archie said interrupting the little bubble they were in. "I think that is enough for today. You both did really well." He smiled as he jotted a few things down on his notepad. "As long as you two continue to talk about your feelings then Emma you will get there. Just remember one day at a time." He finished with another smile.

Emma breathed out in relief and she looked over towards Neal. She stared into his deep brown eyes; she felt overwhelmed by the love that shone from them. It was the kind of love that Emma had never seen before, somehow this session had brought them closer together and now she was ready to move on.

Neal smiled warmly; he could see the spark back in her eyes. He was seeing a new dimension to the women that he had fallen in love with. She was braver and more courageous than ever. He reached out with his hand and took hers in his own. The both felt a rush of love when their skin touched. Their fingers laced together, Neal watched as Emma looked down at their entwined hands for a moment. She seemed amazed how their hands seemed to fit together perfectly. Neither of them noticed Archie had left the room to give them some time alone.

Emma took a deep breath as they made their way outside. "Neal. Thank you for coming with me today." She smiled softly. "I'm sorry if it was a little... intense." She whispered quietly.

Neal turned so he could look directly into Emma's eyes. He could still see her eyes shimmered with tears. He reached out with hand and gently touched the side of face. His thumb softly wiped away one of the tears that had escaped her eyes. "Don't be sorry." He whispered softly.

Emma closed her eyes as she enjoyed the feeling of Neal's touch. "I'm glad I came today. I love you Emma." Neal said as he placed a soft gentle kiss on her lips.

For a moment Emma allowed herself to forget everything and enjoyed feeling Neal's mouth on hers. She relished in the contact between them. Even after everything Neal was still here, he still loved her. Them being together was all that mattered.

Emma felt her heart race with so much love that it overwhelmed her. She wanted to reach out and wrap her arms around Neal but she didn't want to rush things too soon. Just kissing Neal now was enough for her. It was strange suddenly it felt one of the missing pieces of her heart returned to her. However there was one part of her heart still missing and that belonged to her baby girl. Emma was now ready to put her heart back together.

"I love you too." She whispered as they pulled apart from their kiss. For the first time in a long time Emma was happy, they were together and now all she wanted was her daughter.

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**Spoilers: **

**Next chapter will include The Charmings with their granddaughter. **

**Emma and Neal will spend some time alone together and some mother and daughter bonding is on the way…. **


	21. Chapter 21

**Thank you all for your great reviews. I appreciate all the feedback good and bad. I've tried to make this chapter less intense than the last few so I really hope you enjoy it! **

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**Chapter 21**

_"One day, the Evil Queen decided she wanted the young Prince all to herself so planned to get rid of the brave Princess once and for all. However the young Prince discovered the Evil Queen's plan and took the place of the Princess. The curse made the young Prince fall into a deep sleep which he would never wake from, without magic all hope seemed lost. _

_However the courageous Princess refused to give up on saving the Prince, you see she was her parents daughter after all. A magical wizard sent her one a quest to bring magic back so she could break the Evil Queen's spell. The quest was not without its dangers; the Princess had to defeat a dragon. Luckily she had her father's sword to protect her. After she defeated the dragon, the Princess realized the wizard had tricked her and took the magic for himself, leaving no hope of saving the sleeping Prince. _

_Heartbroken that she had failed on her quest the Princess went to say her goodbyes. As she lent down to place one last kiss on the Prince's forehead something magical happened. The love the Princess had for her young Prince was stronger than any curse. The kiss broke the Evil Queen's spell not only over the Prince but the entire Kingdom. But that wasn't the end of the story... The Princess was finally reunited with her parents, who loved her very much. They were so happy that they had found each other again. As for the Evil Queen, she could no longer hurt the Princess or her family because they had the most powerful magic of all, true love." _

**"**Charming, what are you doing?" Snow raised her eyebrow questionably with a bemused smile.

David looked up from his granddaughter and turned to face his wife who was standing in the doorway of Emma's old bedroom. He could feel his cheeks blush slightly with embarrassment of being caught which only caused his wife's smile to shine brighter.

He pressed a finger to his lips to hush her voice so she didn't disturb the sleeping baby in his arms. "I was just telling Eva a story before I put her down for a nap." He whispered and smiled softly. He turned his attention back to the little girl when he felt her cuddled closer to his chest. Tenderly he brushed his hand over the top of his granddaughter's head soothing her as she slept.

Snow's eyes traced warmly over her husband and granddaughter. She watched as David smiled in wonderment at the tiny bundle, enjoying the quiet tender moment with their granddaughter. Her heart ached a little when she thought of the moments like this that they missed with Emma.

She quietly tiptoed over to her husband's chair. "What type of story?" She asked quietly as she enveloped her arms around his strong shoulders carefully not to disturb the sleeping baby in his arms.

David's smiled and moved his hand over hers. He lightly brushed his thumb over her knuckles. "Oh you know just a typical fairytale." He chuckled lightly, he felt so content with granddaughter in his arms. He let his warm blue eyes drift over Eva for a moment; he couldn't help but feel incredibly proud when he looked over her tiny face. She was perfect in his eyes, just like her mother.

Snow lightly rested her chin on his shoulder. "Please tell me it had a happy ending?" She asked and wrapped her arms tighter across his chest. The need to feel close to her husband grew stronger. She tried to conjure up a smile when David gave her an odd look.

"Well the story hasn't really ended, not yet." David shrugged gently; he knew there was a hidden meaning behind his wife's question. She was referring to their little girl's story. "But I'm sure whatever happens, they will find their happily ever after." He smiled reassuring at her. He had faith that Emma would find her way back to her family; she was his daughter after all

Snow sighed quietly and forced a smile on her face as she tried to push the worries to the back of her mind. The feeling of his strong firm chest beneath her fingers and the sound of his voice made everything seem better. Her husband had always known how to melt away her worries and make her feel like everything would work itself out. Optimism was definitely strong in the male side of their family, even Neal had it.

David turned his head slightly towards Snow, his soft lips faintly brushed over hers in a tender kiss. The kiss gave Snow all the warmth and love she needed. Their eyes lingered on one another's for a moment before Eva began to stir in her grandfather's arms. She let out a loud whimper which quickly changed to grumpy cries.

David and Snow smiled down at their little granddaughter. Her cheeks had turned red and there were tiny tear drops in the corners of her eyes. It was clear by the small frown on her face that she did not approve of her grandparents public display of affection and she was not impressed they were not giving her their full attention. _Oh yes Eva was definitely Emma's daughter!_

"Hey, hush now Eva." David cooed softly and gently rocked the little girl in his arms. "Hey… it's okay…." He continued to whisper soothingly to her as he tried to calm her cries. He cradled his granddaughter close to his chest as her cries slowly began to quiet down again.

"Hey little one… Are you being good for your Grandpa?" Snow sang softly over David's shoulder. Her fingers swept over Eva's cheeks as she wiped away her tears. "Oh yes you are…" She cooed again.

David chuckled lightly at the silly baby voice his wife had adopted. "I think she is definitely her grandpa's little girl." She joked and gently tickled the bottom of Eva's foot. Their granddaughter finally calmed down again. She gave a wide yawn as her tiny eyelids closed.

"She's so beautiful." Charming whispered quietly. He was unable to take his eyes of his granddaughter as she fell back asleep again.

Snow hummed quietly in agreement as her fingers softly brushed over the little girl's face. She smiled at her little granddaughter who was now sleeping peacefully in her husband's arms. She looked so much like Emma did when she was baby. Even though she had only shared a few minutes with her baby, she could still remember the blonde tuffs of Emma's hair and the way she sucked her thumb gently. She could see the memories every time she looked at her Eva.

Her heart swelled a little with sadness when she thought of Emma, she was trying her best not to worry about her daughter but she could help but feel that Emma was going to miss out on these quiet moments with Eva.

David could sense that his wife's thoughts were still troubling her. "Snow, what it is?"

Snow sighed again softly. "Nothing."

David raised his eyebrow questionably, he knew her far too well. "Something is bothering you."

"It's just… I'm worried about Emma." She mumbled quietly. "I'm just scared she is going to miss it all."

David frowned sadly, he would be lying if he said he hadn't shared his wife's concerns, but they had agreed to stay positive, for Emma. "Snow, listen to me. We won't let that happen and neither will Neal." He paused for a moment. Though he had his fair share of run in's with his son-in-law in the past, he knew despite his faults, Neal loved his daughter more than anything. "Emma will get better, she is strong just like her mother." He finished with a smile.

Snow returned the smile, however it was half-hearted. She had to push the worries to the back of her mind. But she knew her thoughts would still be there waiting to present itself again.

David could see his wife wasn't going to let this drop so easily. "How about you go and make us some hot chocolate while I put Eva down for her nap and then maybe we can talk about it."

Snow nodded and smiled again. David gently stroked his hand through her hair as he placed another small kiss on her lips before she turned and walked out of the room.

As the door closed behind her, Snow lean herself against it and sighed. She didn't want to get upset; she just wanted to help Emma sort things out, though she didn't have a clue where to start. She knew this could take a long time and there was a lot of hard work ahead but she felt determined to help Emma through this.

David slowly stood up from his chair and delicately raised his granddaughter to his shoulder. He softly cradled her tiny head in his hand as he felt Eva snuggle closer into his shoulder. He placed a small kiss on top of her head before making his way over to the cot in the corner of the room.

David pulled back the blanket and gently laid the tiny baby down in the cot. He reached down to pull up the blanket when he noticed one of Eva's little white socks had somehow come off. Eva's tiny pink foot kicked up in the air. David placed his hand against little foot; it was so small that it fit perfectly in the palm of his hand. He softly brushed the pad of his thumb across her little toes, he felt them curl up under his touch.

He picked up the sock, "we don't want you getting cold now do we?" He smiled and placed it back on her foot. He pulled up the white blanket and gently tucked his granddaughter in. He leaned forward and pressed his lips gently to her forehead. "Sweet dreams Princess Eva," he whispered, his voice was barely audible.

Snow busied herself as she scooped half a spoon of sugar into the two steaming mugs of hot chocolate. She lifted the mugs and walked slowly over to the kitchen table, her eyes looked over to the photo of her and Emma that rested on the side unit. The absent-minded smile slipped from her face for a moment.

Snow placed the mugs down and sat at the kitchen table. She placed her head in her hands. Her palms pressed against her eyes; she couldn't stop thinking of her daughter. She shivered a little when she thought about what Emma was going through. It was times like this when Snow wondered that whether her daughter still needed her Mom. Even if Emma did, she knew she would never admit it. She just wished she knew how to help.

Snow was so wrapped up in her own thoughts she jumped when she felt her husband place his hand on her shoulder. "Sorry I didn't mean to startle you." David said softly as he sat down beside her.

Snow smiled, "did Eva settle down okay?" She asked as she wrapped her hand around the warm mug in front of her.

"Yes, she's a deep sleeper, must get that from Emma." He replied with a smile.

"Yes she does." Snow replied before falling into a thoughtful silence again,

David folded his arms over his chest as he watched his wife from across the table. He saw a little crease appear in the middle of her forehead. He knew she was lost in her own thoughts again. "Do you want to talk about it?" They hadn't really had chance to speak about what was happening with Emma and it was clearly troubling Snow.

"I don't know if I'm honest." She replied with a sad sigh. "It's just… I can't help worrying about her."

"I know. I'm worried too." David said sadly.

"I just know that she will be blaming herself for feeling like this." Snow said as she shook her head slightly.

David frowned, "why would Emma blame herself?" He asked confused. "It's not her fault; I mean she has no control over it, it just happened."

Snow sighed again. "I know but that's the way Emma is. I know she feels guilty about feeling this way. She didn't tell me this but I know Emma. I could see how uncomfortable she is around Eva. I think she feels she is letting everyone down."

David reached out and took Snow's hand in his and squeezed it softly.

"I can't believe this has happened to her. After everything this is the last thing she needed. She was finally happy and…." Snow's voice trailed off when the tears began to fall from her eyes.

David quickly jumped up from his chair. In two quick strides he was beside his wife. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him. He raised his hand to the side of her face and wiped the tears away with his thumb.

"Sshh…" He whispered quietly and placed a kiss in her hair. "Come here Snow." David held his wife close to him. His arms made her feel safe and warm but she couldn't stop the tears from falling. "Snow, it will be okay, we will get Emma through this." He said softly with a small smile.

Snow returned his smile sadly, "I hope so."

David leaned down again and captured her lips with his in another gentle kiss. His hands were securely placed around her waist as he held in tightly in his arms. They only broke apart from each other when they heard a knock at the door.


	22. Chapter 22

**Really sorry for making you all wait so long for an update. I had a frustrating case of writers block when it came to this chapter so I apologize in advance if it's not up to standard. **

**Thank you again to everyone for leaving such wonderful reviews and for sticking with this story! :D **

**Hope you enjoy new installment and feedback is always** **greatly appreciated.**

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**Chapter 22**

Snow had almost tripped over her own feet as she rushed to get to the front door of the apartment. The second she heard the knock she pulled away from David's warm embrace and practically ran towards the door. She knew it was likely just Neal coming to pick up their granddaughter but a small part of her hoped Emma had come with him.

David chuckled to himself and shook his head when he saw Snow almost stumble over the doormat in her mad dash to get to the door as quickly as possible. _Please let Emma be there._He thought to himself, he couldn't bear to see his wife disappointed. He watched as a smile appeared on her face when they heard the sound of their daughter's voice from just outside the door.

The front door flew open, only just missing the couple by a few inches. Both Emma and Neal jumped back slightly in surprise. Snow stood in the doorway panting as she tried to catch her breath. She took a deep breath as she tried to calm herself, she didn't want Emma to see how worried she had been.

The couple shared a confused look at the flustered looking woman in front of them. Emma opened her mouth to speak. "Hi Mo…" She didn't have chance to finish her sentence when Snow had pulled her into a warm hug.

Emma couldn't stop a breath of laughter escaping her lips, partly from relief and partly from seeing her mother so flustered. She let her head rest on Snow's shoulder for a moment as she took the comfort from her mother's warm embrace. The hug said it all perfectly without the use of any words; Emma hadn't realized just how much she had needed a hug from her Mom.

After finally releasing each other from their locked embrace, Snow gently brushed the strands of blonde hair away from Emma's face and smiled lovingly at her. Emma returned the smile shyly,

"Uh… Hi" Neal said awkwardly with a smile.

"Hi Neal," Snow smiled at her son-in-law who was standing sheepishly behind Emma. "Come in." Snow stepped to the side slightly so he could enter the apartment. Neal felt Snow place a soft hand on his shoulder as he followed Emma into the front room.

"Hey Emma," David smiled and wrapped his arms tight around his daughter in a welcoming hug.

Emma slipped her arms around her father's shoulders as she returned his embrace. She would never admit it but she enjoyed the feeling of being in her father's arms, he always made her feel safe. "Hey Dad." She whispered quietly.

"Neal," David offered his hand towards his son-in-law. Neal shook David's hand with a firm hold and nodded his head.

Both Snow and David stood in a contented silence staring at the young women for who they shared so much love for. They could see a spark back in her emerald-green eyes which no longer held a great sadness but now shone with a new-found confidence. Emma was the most important thing in their lives and almost seeing her lose herself was heart-breaking for them. It was clear to see that their daughter was slowly making her way back to them. They exchange a warm smile at each other that did not go unnoticed.

The four of them stood awkwardly in silence. Neither Snow nor David knew what to say or how to act. They both wanted to ask questions about the counselling session but were unsure where to begin or even if the couple wanted to discuss it. They both shared side-way glances at each other, hoping it would prompt one of them to start a conversation.

The spark in Emma's eyes was slowly began to fade as she shifted uncomfortably; she was lost for words too. She didn't want to talk about anything to serious or get into too much detail about this morning but she couldn't think of anything trivial to say.

Neal watched as Emma glanced towards him with her eyebrows raised in panic, he could see her mouth the word 'help' discreetly as she was becoming more uncomfortable with the situation. "So…" Neal said as he cleared his throat. "How was Eva?" He asked as he tried to ease the growing tension in the room.

"She was no trouble at all," Snow replied with a smile, relieved that someone had broken the silence.

Emma bent her head shyly to the floor so no one could see the small smile that was starting to form on her lips. Even though the thought of it still terrified her all she wanted was to see her baby girl.

"Is she asleep?" Neal asked as he tried to keep the conversation alive. Though they could all hear Eva's soft snoring clearly from the baby monitor on the table.

"We just put her down for nap." David replied. Neal looked towards Emma, he knew how much she had wanted to get their daughter and go home, it had already been a very long morning. But he knew if they disturbed Eva now she would not settle later and they would be in for a tough night.

"How do you feel about lunch?" Snow asked suddenly.

"What?" Emma replied somewhat confused. She had been too lost in her own thoughts to really notice the question her mother had just asked.

"Would you like some lunch? I mean while Eva has her nap, that's if you don't have any plans," Snow's rushed her words as she hoped she was saying the right thing.

Emma looked at her mother with her eyes wide and her mouth agape. She licked her lips nervously, she just wanted to go home but she didn't want to seem rude. "Um… Yeah sure…" She nodded with a forced smile.

"Right," Snow beamed and spurred into action.

Soon as Snow left the room Emma felt Neal take her hand in his. He brought her hand to his lips and placed a light kiss on it, "you're doing great," he whispered quietly.

* * *

Emma and David sat on the sofa in the front room as Snow moved around the kitchen rustling around in the cupboards, moving pots and pans as she rifled through. She was trying desperately to keep her mind occupied.

Neal nervously shuffled his way into the kitchen. He chuckled lightly at the sight of his mother in law, whose head was now buried in the fridge. "I hope we aren't putting you to, too much trouble." He said with a grin and leaned up against the kitchen unit.

Snow poked her head around the fridge door. "Don't be silly I am only making a few sandwiches, I've done this countless of times in past for Emma and Henry." She replied and returned her head back into the fridge to continue her search for the butter upon the vegetables. "But you are very welcome Neal," she quickly added.

Neal smiled; it still felt strange to him when someone showed that they genuinely cared about him, even when the gesture was as simple as making him lunch. He knew it seemed ridiculous but moments such as this were kind of special to him. He could barely remember a time when his own mother had taken care of him in the way Emma's had.

Snow had now retrieved the items she was looking for and sorted out the chopping board. She looked over towards Neal who was lost in his own thoughts. She bit her lip nervously. There were so many things she want to say to him but she didn't want him to think she was prying.

Snow let her eyes gaze over him tenderly; she could still see the lost boy in him, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. She had always found Neal fascinating, something she was sure Emma also had found enthralling about him. Flawed as this man was, he had been the only one who had stolen her daughter's heart and underneath all his mistakes she knew he was a good man.

Neal felt her staring at him but waited a few seconds before turning to meet her gaze. "So how did it go today?" Snow whispered softly. She had been dying to ask that question since they had arrived.

Neal sighed quietly and looked towards Emma's direction, "I think it went okay… it's just…" He paused for moment to remind himself that he was speaking to Emma's mother, he knew how his wife felt about him discussing their private life but he couldn't stop himself. Snow was the only other person he felt he could talk too. "I never meant to hurt her..."

Snow smiled sadly, "I'm sure Emma never meant to hurt you either." She said as she reached into the cabinet above the sink.

Neal sighed again, "I just wish that she had been honest with me about how she felt... You know... If we had talked sooner... I don't know... I can't help but feel like I've let her down." His eyes drifted to the floor sadly.

"Neal don't be so hard on yourself. Emma is as stubborn as they come and at times she refuses to listen to anyone but herself. I love my daughter more than anything but I know talking about her feelings, especially her past, isn't something that comes easy to her." Snow assured him. "Just take all the time you need and trust me you two and your family will be fine."

Neal raised his eyebrows in surprise. Snow had always been so compassionate and understanding towards him, he often wondered if she knew how much that meant to him. He sighed and looked from Snow to Emma and back again. "I do love her." He whispered.

"And she loves you." Snow added reassuringly. She reached out and placed her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly. Neal placed his hand over hers, united in their love for Emma.

Neal's stomach growled unexpectedly at the plate of sandwiches in front him. "Sorry," He smiled embarrassed. His eyes widened again when he heard a laugh escape Snow lips.

"Don't be, I'll take it as a compliment." She smiled which caused Neal to chuckle.

Suddenly Eva's cries could be heard on the baby monitor. Emma immediately jumped up from the sofa. "I'll go see to her." She called out as she rushed up the stairs to the loft before anyone had chance to say anything. Snow, Neal and David all looked at each other in surprise.

* * *

Emma stopped in her tracks the instant she reached the door to her old bedroom. She was unsure about what she had just done, maybe she have let someone else go or maybe she should have asked Neal to come with her. She had been so desperate to see her daughter but now the moment had come, they were finally alone together she realized she had no idea what she was doing.

She stood there completely motionless for a moment as she tried to think, maybe she wasn't as ready as she thought she was. However Eva was not happy to wait while her mother tried to figured it out, her cries started to turn into screams. The motherly instinct that had been hidden deep down inside Emma kicked in at the sound of her baby's distress and before her mind had time to catch up with her body Emma was already making her way into the room.

"Hey Eva, it's alright, I'm here." She whispered as she entered the bedroom. Emma slowly made her way towards the cot; her footsteps were soft as she approached her upset daughter.

She watched her baby for moment or two while she built up her courage to reach down into the cot. _Come on Emma you can do this!_Her motherly instinct called out to her. She took a deep breath and held it in as she wrapped her hands gently around Eva's tiny body and lifted her up into her arms. "Hush now, it's okay." She whispered and placed a soft kiss on top of Eva's head. She wanted so badly to soothe her daughter's tears.

Carefully Emma carried the tiny bundle over to her old bed and sat down on the edge of the mattress. Eva continued to fuss in her arms. Gently she grazed the top of her baby's head with her fingertips, brushing them through her daughter's soft blonde hair. "It's okay Eva, I'm here." She whispered again.

Emma's eyes traced every beautiful delicate feature on her daughter's face. She was completely fascinated by this little person who had come from her. It amazed her that she and Neal had managed to produce such a beautiful little thing as Eva. Neal was right something good had come from them being together, first Henry and now their daughter.

A small smile crept on her lips when she saw her little girl respond to her touch. Despite all the fears and expectations Emma had put on herself all Eva had ever wanted was her mother's love and yet Emma had been too blind to see it. She had almost let her past ruin her future with her daughter.

Her fingers continued to trace across her baby's soft blonde hair. "I want to be your Mom more than anything..." She whispered as her fingers brushed lightly across her baby's rosy cheeks. "And I will be. I promise you." Eva's cries lessened and her little tears began to dry up. Her big brown eyes stared up at her mother fascinated.

Emma smiled down at her just as she let out a big yawn. She laughed as she watched her baby's face turned pink and when her little nose crinkled up. "Are you still sleepy?" She asked softly. She felt her heart swell with love when Eva gave out a tiny sigh in reply and stretched out in her arms.

She smiled proudly to herself when her daughter fell back to sleep in her arms. She was just about to put Eva back in her cot when she let out another loud cry. "Please don't cry Eva. How about a lullaby, you like them don't you?" Emma couldn't believe she was doing this but she began to hum the only lullaby she knew quietly as she gently rocked her daughter in her arms.

The gentle soothing sound of her voice seemed to work, Eva's cries soften. Her little brown eyes looked up towards her mother but the tiny tear-drops were still visible in the corners of her eyes. Noticing that she now had her daughter's full attention, Emma's quiet hums began to form into words and despite herself she couldn't stop from singing the lullaby to her baby.

_"A gentle breeze from __Hushabye __Mountain, softly blows over lullaby bay..."_

Emma had always liked this lullaby, ever since she heard it in one of the homes she stayed in when she was little girl. She had never told anyone or would admit to liking it, not even to Neal. However this was one secret she would happily share with her baby girl who seemed to enjoy hearing it.

_"It fills the sails of boats that are waiting... Waiting to sail your worries away..."_

Eva's cries had come to a stop as her mother continued to sing softly at her. She let out a small yawn as her eyelids began to slowly close only to reopen again. She refused to give in to her sleep, not until after she had heard her Mom finished the song.

_"It isn't far to __Hushabye __Mountain... And your boat waits down by the __quay__."_

As Emma continued to sing she started to feel slightly more relaxed with being alone with her daughter. It was only a few days ago that even the idea of being like this with Eva terrified her.

It pained Emma to know that they had already shared some bad memories together and there was nothing she could do to change it. However she couldn't help but feel that things were finally starting to get better for them and maybe in time they would create happy memories together. She looked down at her little girl dreamily for a moment as she thought of things that she wanted to share with Eva. Emma knew that it was just a fantasy at this stage but now she had new determination to get better and make it a reality for them

_"The winds of night so softly are sighing... Soon they will fly your troubles to__sea__."_

Emma continued to sing another line from the lullaby. She could see Eva was fighting to stay awake, Neal was right again, their daughter was stubborn just like her mother. Emma's smile started to grow when she heard Eva coo along quietly with her as she sang. "I think you like this song, don't you?" She laughed and brushed her finger softly over her daughter's button nose. Eva responded by reaching up with little hand and wrapping it around her mother's finger.

Suddenly they found themselves interrupted by a quiet sigh from behind them. As Emma turned her head to side, her eyes widen and the words of the lullaby died in the back of her throat as she caught sight of Neal leaning against the door frame.

Neal stood with his arms crossed against his chest and his eyes fixed directly on his wife and baby daughter. Emma could see his brown eyes shone with love and amusement at them. She could also tell from the annoying cheeky grin which spread widely across his face that he had stood there for a while.

"Uh sorry. You both looked like you were having fun and I didn't want to interrupt." He bit the bottom of his as he fought back the temptation to laugh especially when he saw the embarrassment on Emma's face.

Emma's mouth fell open slightly as her cheeks turned a shade of crimson pink. "I...I... Well..." She stuttered and continued to blush as she desperately tried to form a coherent sentence. "I didn't realize you were there." She said and let out a nervous laugh. She couldn't stop herself blushing again at being caught out by husband.

Neal smiled and walked over to the bed. He raised his raised his eyebrows playfully at her, "oh yeah, I could see that." He teased and sat down beside her. The sight of seeing Emma completely lost in her own little dream world with their baby had nearly brought happy tears to his eyes. It had surprised him that he had managed to hold them back.

Neal gently brushed the palm of his hand over his daughter's head when she started to fuss again. "I didn't know you liked that song." He said seriously. He had heard that lullaby before when he was in Neverland. One of the lost boys used to sing it at night to quiet down the cries of the others boys, he had never forgotten it.

Emma had instantly noticed the change in his voice. She wanted to question it but decided against it; instead she tried to lighten the mood again. "Seriously, you're not going to let me forget this are you?" She jokingly asked and playfully nudged him in the side.

Neal shook his head, "nope." He smiled amused as Emma rolled her eyes. "But for what it's worth, I think you have a great singing voice."

Emma raised her eyebrow skeptically at Neal for a moment before they both burst into spontaneous laughter. Eva stared up at her parents confused as the sound of their carefree laughter filled the room.

Their eyes twinkled brightly with elation, it had been far to long since they had laugh liked this together and it was completely unexpected. Their laughter seemed to make all of their worries and fears disappear as they enjoyed just being in each other's company. They continued to laugh until their sides began to ache. Neal could see Emma's smile from the corner of his eye, it felt so good to see her laugh again even if their fun had come from something as silly as catching her singing a lullaby.

Eventually their laughter trailed off into a comfortable silence. Neal gently placed his arm around Emma. He could tell she still felt embarrassed about the being caught out but he couldn't help but feel ecstatic that he had shared this moment with her. It had felt like they had talked for hours and hours about their past mistakes today as they tried to make things right again, however none of it had felt as good as them being able to laugh together like that. They hadn't realized how much they had missed it.

Neal's lips found the top of Emma's head and he placed a soft kiss in her hair. He felt her sigh and cuddle closer to him. "I think Eva wants to hear the end of the lullaby." He whispered into her ear.

"Are you serious?" Emma scoffed.

"Yeah, come on I'll sing with you... Now where did we get too?" Neal laughed quietly when he heard Emma sigh before she started to sing again.

_"So close your eyes on __Hushabye __Mountain. Wave good-bye to cares of the day."_

Surprisingly their voices matched in harmony as they sang together to create one sound. They both smiled at each other as they watched Eva's tiny eyelids slowly close.

_"And watch your boat from __Hushabye __Mountain. Sail far away from lullaby bay."_

David wrapped his arms around Snow's waist and rested his chin on her shoulder as they listened to Emma and Neal sing to their Granddaughter on the monitor.


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey everyone, I was completely overwhelmed by the lovely reviews and comments for the last chapter. Thank you all so much! :D It is amazing to know that so many of you are enjoying this story!**

**Anyway after seeing TV guide pic it inspired me to write this chapter so it is more Neal/Emma than Emma/Eva but I do promise there are more moments coming up. (The last chapter was just the beginning) **

**Hope you enjoy the next chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter 23**

Emma sat in the passenger seat of the bug next to Neal, feeling calm and contented for the first time in weeks. The couple had talked for a while but now had fallen into a comfortable silence. The only sound that could be heard was the soft music coming from the radio which hummed along with the bug's engine.

The evening was rolling in and they were finally heading home after their lunch with Emma's parents which had continued late into the afternoon. Emma was still slightly confused by the amused smiles that both David and Snow had given her and Neal after they finished putting Eva back to sleep. Whatever had amused her parents they certainly weren't sharing the joke.

Before they left Henry had called to let them know he was going to spend the night at Regina's. It wasn't the first time Henry had spent the night there but the couple couldn't help but wonder if their son was giving them the time they needed to resolve their problems. It seemed sometimes Henry knew more about their relationship then they did. If it hadn't been for his operation mission with Grandfather Rumpelstiltskin they may not have gotten back together at all. There was no doubting it their son was a smart kid and they were thankful for the space he was giving to them.

Emma glanced over her shoulder to check on their daughter; Eva had fallen asleep in her car seat. She looked at her little girl for moment, the strands of her soft blonde hair poked out of her white woolen hat and she had placed her tiny thumb in her mouth sucking it as she slept. A small frown appeared on Eva's face just for a second or two before her features relaxed again, clearly she was dreaming away to herself. Emma gazed at her daughter enthralled, it still surprised her how much she was falling in love with this little girl.

The light patter of rain began to fall on the windscreen as they continued their journey in the comfortable silence. Emma sighed softly it was times like these she remembered how easy things could be with Neal. There was no pressure or need to fill every silence with meaningless conversation; she could just enjoy being in his company without having to put up a front. In her own typical fashion Emma had tried to hide behind her walls in the past but it never worked with Neal, he always had a way to break through her defences as much as it annoyed her, though she had to admit she loved that about him.

Emma let her eyes close a little as she slumped further down in her seat. It felt so good to let her eyelids shut just for a moment, it had been a long exhausting day. Emma felt herself slowly drift off to sleep.

Neal glanced over towards his wife. He carefully took one hand off the wheel and gently placed it on her knee and squeezed it softly. He slowly started to move his hand softly to the inside of her leg as his fingertips traced over the material of her jeans in a zigzag direction.

"Two hands on the wheel Cassidy!" Emma scolded him with her eyes still firmly shut. However she couldn't stop herself from giggling quietly to herself. There were some things about her husband that would never change. Neal smiled at the sound of Emma's soft laughter and with a playfully grumble he reluctantly moved his hand back to the stirring wheel as the bug continued its way home.

The daylight had faded away and the light from the street lamps illuminated the road ahead. Neal could feel his eyes getting heavy as the tiredness began to take a hold on him as well. He glanced over to Emma again who was now asleep with her head resting again the window. Neal smiled to himself as he remembered how she would sleep this way when they were on the road all those years ago.

His eyes drifted away from his sleeping wife to the rear view mirror so he could check on his baby daughter. Like her mother Eva's eyes were also closed as she slept peacefully in the back of the bug. His eyes gazed over the familiar features on his baby's face, he smiled warmly at the resemblance between his little girl and her mother. The shape of Eva's eyes, the curve of her chin, her little nose and mouth all mirrored Emma's. Even their hair shared the same light blonde tone. The only real difference Neal could pick out was Eva eyes. They shone a honey brown color that matched his and Henry's. Other than that Eva was the image of her mother, beautiful.

The time the yellow bug pulled up outside their house, dark clouds had filled the sky and the rain was now falling heavily to the ground. Neal turned the key in the ignition and turned in his seat to face Emma. He took a moment to listen to his wife's gentle breathing and the sound of her shoulders shuffling against the seat as she tried to get herself comfortable. She looked so peaceful that a tiny part of him wanted to leave her to rest, it had been a very long day and she had done so well.

The rain continued to fall and thumped loudly on the roof of the bug. Neal know he was delaying the inevitable, his wife and daughter couldn't spend the night in the bug no matter how much it brought back happy memories of Portland.

Neal reached over and placed the palm of his hand on Emma's shoulder. Gently he began to shake her, "Em... Honey... It's time to wake up," He whispered quietly, so not to wake Eva. However Emma did not respond, she merely grumbled and shuffled again. Neal climbed over his seat so he could get closer to her. "Emma!" He shook her again but this time a little harder. He hadn't realized the volume of his voice until Eva began to whimper and stir in her car seat.

It surprised Emma when she opened her eyes to see brown ones starting back at her from only inches away. She stretched her arms out and let the tense muscles in her shoulders unwind. "Did I really fall asleep?" She asked her voice sounded scratchy and tired.

"Uh yeah," Neal grinned. "And you were muttering something about me," He winked suggestively at her.

"Seriously?" Emma slurred still disoriented after being woken up so abruptly. Her cheeks turned red with embarrassment as she remembered that she was dreaming about Neal at the time.

"Nah, but the look on your face then was priceless." He laughed as Emma playfully shoved him back into his own seat away from her. "Come on babe, let's go inside and get this little princess to bed." Neal smiled and he jumped out of the bug. He lifted the seat to retrieve their sleeping baby from the back.

Emma stayed glued to her seat and bit down hard on her lip as she looked up at the dark windows of their house. She had convinced herself that everything was okay now but the nerves and fear started to return in the pit of stomach. Emma didn't find her home inviting anymore, she had yet to have one good memory of her little girl in that house.

"Come on Em, I think we are going to have to make a run for it." Neal said gesturing for her to follow him. He quickly tucked Eva under his jacket to protect her from the rain. Emma took a deep breath and despite the anxiety that was once again coming to the surface she stepped out of the bug. Neal held their daughter close to his chest as they darted through the storm to the front door of their house.

* * *

Emma blinked heavily and the corner of mouth twitched nervously as peered out of her bedroom window watching the rain drops appear on the glass. They had got completely soaked from the rain in the dash from the bug. Neal had kindly offered to deal with Eva and put her down in her cot so that Emma could change out her wet clothes into something warmer. She was grateful that Neal always put her first but she had desperately wanted to help change and comfort Eva. She knew she was being silly but sometimes she felt as if he was being overpowering with his concern for her.

Emma glanced out of the window at the clock tower. It was only 8 pm but she felt exhausted. All she wanted was to get into bed and curl up under her baby blanket.

She sighed softly to herself and wrapped a towel around her wet hair before removing her damp clothes. She reached into her draw and pulled out a pair of comfy pajama bottoms. Carefully Emma slipped the pajamas up her slender legs and picked up one of Neal's shirts. She lifted the shirt to her nose and inhaled the scent that lingered on the fabric. Though it was clean she could still faintly smell Neal's aftershave on it. His warm scent always made her feel safe and she took great comfort in it. She slipped her arms through the sleeves of the shirt and pulled it down over her head. She took a moment to relish the way the material felt against her bare skin, it felt as if she was in his arms.

Once she was finally dressed she shook her hair free from the towel and began to brush through it. She didn't have the energy to use her hair dryer so decided to let it dry by itself. She knew her hair would probably be wild when it finally dried but she didn't seem to care much at the moment.

Neal cautiously inched open their bedroom door and peaked his head around searching for Emma. He stopped short at the sight which had greeted him. A small appeared on his lips, he couldn't believe how beautiful she looked in one of his old shirts. He glazed lovingly at her long blonde hair which fell gracefully down her back as she combed her brush through it. "I think that shirt suits you." He called out softly.

The sound of his voice startled her as she turned to face him. Despite herself she felt a blush appear on her cheeks. "I hope you don't mind."

Neal shook his head, "Are you kidding? That shirt definitely looks good on you." He smirked.

A small smile crept on Emma's lips she knew the meaning behind that smirk of his. She turned back away from him and continued to brush her hair. "How was Eva?" She asked softly as her thoughts turned back to her little girl.

"She was no trouble." Neal replied and made his way over to their bed which creaked when he sat down on the edge of it. "I'll tell you what our girl loves her sleep." He said as he lifted his damp shirt up over his head.

Emma laughed quietly to herself. "She must get that from me." She said and turned round to smile at him. Her eyes widen in surprise at her husband. The sight of Neal took her breath away as he sat there shirtless with his hair damp and disheveled. She couldn't stop her eyes trailing over his bare chest.

Neal was still thinking similar thoughts about her as he looked into her green eyes once more. He felt his breath catch in the back of his throat when he found himself getting lost in her eyes again. He smiled softly when he saw her eyes were tracing over the tattoo above his heart. He tried to hold back the laughter when a shy blush came over her face when she realized he had caught her staring at his chest.

Emma quickly turned her back to him again. She mentally cursed herself for behaving like a silly little teenager girl. She hated that he could still make her feel like the naïve seventeen year old girl who had accidentally stolen the car he had chosen to sleeping in that day.

"I guess it's still raining out then?" Neal asked with a smirk as he continued to change out his clothes into his own pajama bottoms.

Emma nodded and resumed with brushing her hair. "Do you remember the last time we got caught in the rain?" She asked slightly bashful. It shocked her that the question had tumbled out of mouth.

Neal raised an eyebrow at her, "Uh... Yeah." He nodded, he still had a bemused smirk on his face. "We were in that 24 hour diner in Portland. That was one hell of a storm." He chuckled.

Emma nervously bit her lip. "Is that all you remember?" She asked as she reached for a tie and pulled her hair back to wear to bed.

"Uh..." Neal stuttered for a second, not because he struggled to remember it was due to the sight of Emma now standing there with her tied back in a pony-tail. All that was missing were her glasses and she would be that young, carefree teenager girl again. Neal swallowed thickly as a lump began to form in the back of his throat. All the past memories they had shared together came flooding back to him. "Of course I remember." He began. "It was raining so hard that we had to run for it and... It was the first time you let me hold your hand."

Emma raised her eyebrows in surprise. "You remembered." Her whole face lit up with a smile, she was so sure that he had probably forgotten about that day.

"How could I forget, my heart was racing the entire time." A small smiled tugged at his lip as they both shared the same nostalgic look on their faces.

Emma sighed again softly."I was telling Henry about it a few days ago. Did you know he has a girlfriend?" There was a small sadness to her tone. Her little boy was growing up, he was a teenager now and it would be long until he was no longer dependent on her. She was proud of Henry but there was a tiny selfish part of her that wanted him to stay her little boy forever.

"Yeah, Grace right?" Neal smiled proudly. "What can I say the boy has inherited the Cassidy charm."

There was a small pause for a moment before Emma burst into laughter. "Hey! What's so funny about that?" Neal asked offended by her little outburst. But hearing her laugh again warmed his heart. "Come on admit it, I do have a certain charm. I made you fall for me that day I held your hand, didn't I?"

Emma's laughter died down but her smile remained. "Wrong! I fell for you long before then." She finally admitted. She had to bit her lip to stop herself from laughing again when Neal's face creased up in surprise. He genuinely looked shocked.

"You could have told me that sooner!" He pouted. Neal had fallen for her the moment they locked eyes for the first time but he had been so sure it was the day of the storm that he had finally won Emma's affections.

"Where was the fun it that?" Emma teased when she saw his face wearing a scowl which she couldn't help but think it was a little cute. She turned away from him again to finish fixing her hair. Suddenly the rug beneath her bare feet began to move backwards pulling her closer to the bed without her consent. She turned instantly to see her husband with a sulk still visible on his face as he pulled the rug towards him. "What the hell Ne..."

Before she could finish her sentence Neal wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her off her feet and on to their bed. His mouth covered her soft lips with his." You think you're funny don't you?" She mumbled her complaint when he finally allowed her to break away from his lips.

Neal didn't respond to her, the grin on his face grew. He shuffled them further up the bed and settled her down beside him. His fingertips gently traced up and down her back as his lips brushed lightly against hers. "You're so lucky I love you." Emma replied with a soft sigh against his lips.

Neal smiled again, "I tell myself that same thing every day." He chuckled lightly when he saw Emma roll her eyes at him. His arms wrapped around her back and cuddled her closer to his chest. He buried his face in the softness of her hair when he felt her slip her arms around his neck. They stay enveloped in their gentle embrace for a moment as the pushed aside all the feeling of loneliness and fear they had shared over the last few weeks.

Emma sighed as she exhaled a deep breath. Her hand brushed softly over his handsome features. Neal closed his eyes and pressed his cheek against her hand as he enjoyed the soft touch of her fingertips on his rough skin. Their fingertips brushed across their faces and their hands clasped each other's as they smiled in wonderment at each other. This was closet Emma had allowed Neal to her in such a long time and he was going to enjoy it. Somehow it felt as if they were now brushing over their past as they let it all slip away.

"Neal," She whispered his name with the same affection as one of her gentle kisses. "Thank you for being here with me, I know it hasn't been easy for you..."

"Emma." Neal whispered, he knew exactly where she was going with this but it didn't stop her, she continued.

"Please let me finish... I guess what I'm trying to say is... I'm not perfect and I make mistakes and I made a really stupid one by shutting you out. I'm so sorry. I love you Neal so much..."

Before she could finish his hands clasped her beautiful face and brought her soft lips to his. "I love you too." He whispered softly.

It seemed they had passed the emotional storm of their relationship and all that was left was the softer. calmer side. They both apologized again and made promises that their past mistakes would never happen again. They were now on equal ground and they both intended it to stay that way. Everything between them began to feel very normal again. They were still very much in love and that was all that mattered.

They stared quietly as they lost themselves in each other's eyes. Emma propped herself up on one elbow and ran her fingers through his hair. She gently pulled him closer to her as she kissed him again but this time more passionately. Neal leaned into her as he followed her movements. When she finally pulled away from him he was breathless.

"Wow." Neal grinned with a hint of mischief to his voice. It felt so good being next to her completely carefree.

Emma laughed softly and pressed a kiss into his hair. "Neal, I'm ready." She whispered quietly into his ear, her voice was barely audible.

Neal looked at her confused for a moment before his eyes widen when he suddenly understood what she had meant. "Emma... You... We don't have to..." He stuttered nervously. He didn't want her to feel pressured into something she was ready for, they had all time in world.

Emma laughed again, "Neal, shut up and kiss me." She playfully demanded and pulled him closer.

Neal hovered over anxiously as his eyes drifted from her gaze to her lips and back again. "You're so bossy sometimes." He teased and leaned down so he could press soft kisses down her neck.

Emma fingers combed through his hair as his warm breath ticked her skin. He smiled when he heard the soft humming sound she made when he paid attention to soft part of her skin between her ear and neck. Neal's lips found their way back to hers. They kissed softly but passionately as they attempted to forget their past and move forward. They knew now that they loved each other no matter what and that would never change. Their only focus now was their future as they lost themselves in each other.

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** SPOILER:**

**Next chapter: Emma will have a big moment with her daughter! **


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey, thank you once again for all your lovely reviews, follows and favorites I'm still overwhelmed by how many of you enjoy reading story. ****So I would like to dedicate this chapter to all of you as a massive thank you for your support! :D**

**Please be warned this chapter has a lot of FEELS which I'm proudly responsible for! Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 24**

It was the early hours of the morning when Emma woke to the blissful silence of their bedroom. She glanced over at the clock on the bedside table which informed her it was only half-four in the morning. She yawned quietly against Neal's bare shoulder. It wouldn't be long until Eva would cry out with an empty belly and not just for milk but also for the emotional fulfillment of bonding with her mother.

Emma eyes drifted back to her husband. The glare of the street lamps pierced through their bedroom curtains and illuminated over Neal's bare skin as he slept peacefully beside her. She couldn't resist running her fingers faintly up his bare arm before gently brushing them through his soft scruffy hair. She heard her name slip from his lips in a contented sigh as he unconsciously placed a protective arm around her waist.

Her lips curled up into dreamy smile as her fingertips grazed over the smooth skin of his firm chest. Slowly she traced one finger gently along the scar just above his waist. Emma firmly shut her eyes for a moment as she tried to block out the memory of Neal falling into the swirling portal. She still had nightmares about the flashes of green lights and deafening sounds of the whirlpool that took him away from her. She sighed sadly to herself, the scar would always be a reminder of how close she had come to losing him forever.

Neal stayed still under her touch and showed no signs of stirring from his deep sleep. A small complacent smile appeared on her lips. _Maybe she had worn him out? _Her mind wandered. She pressed her cheek against his warm chest and listened to the sound of his solid heart beat beneath her ear. She could happily stayed like this forever.

Even after a year of marriage it still felt new to her to have moments like this with Neal, they never had chance when they were on the road. Selfishly she hoped their little girl would stay asleep for an hour or two more so she could enjoy the warmth of her husband's body a little longer. She saw no reason to open her eyes again and snuggled closer to Neal.

As the minutes ticked by Emma enjoyed her calm surroundings, she felt safe and secure next to Neal. She felt him tighten his grip around her waist as he began to stir, slowly waking. She opened her eyes again and started to roll back over to her side of the bed to give her him room to stretch out his tired muscles.

"Where do you think you're going?" Neal dreamily mumbled and pulled her retreating body back close to him. "Hey," He whispered softly, his voice was low and husky. He cupped her warm cheek with one hand while the other floated affectionately down her naked back.

Emma circled her arms around his neck, "hey," She purred softly before their lips touched in another loving kiss.

His fingers twirled round the curls of her long blonde hair which now flowed down her back. He smiled when he felt Emma's body relaxed back down on his chest as she settled comfortably in his strong arms again. "I think we have at least an hour until Eva wakes up." He whispered roguishly into her ear.

Emma giggled quietly when Neal slowly pushed her back on the bed. His solid weight pressed her into the soft mattress. His mouth moved to the column of neck and placed small kisses down her throat and over her pulse. Her only reply to his sensual touch was a soft sigh that escaped her lips.

All of a sudden a small muffled whimper filled the room. They silently locked eyes as they listened out for another cry, but nothing came. Emma didn't need to hear any further noise from her baby to know what was wrong, Eva was hungry. "Do you think one of us should check on her?" She whispered with concern. She didn't like the thought of her baby being alone and upset.

"Nah, she will settle down again." Neal replied with another kiss. Their lips joined for a moment more before Emma pulled away from him again. The cries from the nursery had grown louder. It seemed that Eva and her small tummy wasn't going to give up so easily.

Emma laughed lightly when Neal buried his face in her hair and groaned in frustration at their daughter's very inappropriate timing. "Eva." He whined childishly which only caused her laughter to grow. "I think our little girl is hungry." She smiled gently and kissed his cheek.

Neal lifted his head and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I'll go, relax and get some more rest." He said and placed a small kiss on her forehead.

Their daughter's soft whimper had now turn into loud cries, she was growing impatient as she waited for her parent's attention. "Okay... Okay… I'm up." Neal grumbled and climbed out of the warm blankets. He made his way over to where his pajamas bottoms lay discarded at the end of the bed. "I swear Eva is just like you when she's hungry, grumpy." He complained as he pulled up his pajamas.

"Neal…" Emma started awkwardly, she wasn't sure where she was going with this but she knew she wanted to say it. "Could you… maybe bring Eva in here." Her eyes darted away from him as a nervous feeling once again began to creep over her.

"Uh yeah sure," Neal raised his eyebrows slightly. "I'll go get her then make up her bottle…"

"Don't worry about the bottle." Emma interrupted, her voice was barely above a whisper.

Neal blinked in surprise. "You mean you wanna…" Emma nodded wordlessly as her eyes meet his. Neal felt his heart melt at the warmth he saw looking back at him. He felt a smile grow on his face before he could even think about it. "Okay." He replied.

Emma felt her breath increase and her stomach flutter with nerves as Neal stepped out of their bedroom closing the door behind him with a light click. She brought her hand to forehead and rubbed the spot between her eyes. _There was no going back now but was she really ready for this?_

* * *

Neal opened the door to the nursery to the sounds of his daughter's cries. "Hey Princess, it's okay, your Papa is here." He turned the light up to a soft glow, just enough so he didn't have to squint in the darkness.

The soft glow of the bedroom light reflected off the Unicorn mobile which hung just above Eva's cot. The reflections of multicolored lights twinkled magically around the nursery. Eva seemed enchanted by the colorful shapes that danced above her cot as her cries slowly soften back to a small whimper.

Neal quietly made his way over to his daughter's cot. Though his little girl was probably still to young to have her first smile he could have sworn he saw a mischievous grin grace her lips only for a second before it disappeared. Eva may share her beauty with her mother but she most definitely had her father's smile.

"Hey little Princess, what are you up too?" Neal asked as he watched Eva stretch out her chubby little arms in attempt to catch one of the flickering lights above her. He chuckled lightly and bent down so he could place a few gentle kisses on her tiny hand. Eva giggled softly as he father's rough unshaven chin tickled her skin.

"You're such a good little girl aren't you? I was thinking that maybe you could let me and your mommy sleep in some mornings? Only for the next 18 years or so, we would really appreciate it." He playfully asked.

Eva made a small gurgle noise in response. "I'll take that as a yes." Neal smiled and lifted her up into his arms. He carefully rested her against his shoulder and patted her back when she started to whimper again. "Hey it's okay, we're going to go see Mommy." He whispered and pulled her closer to his chest as they made their way back to his and Emma's bedroom.

* * *

Emma took another deep breath and rested her head against the pillow. Her hand anxiously started to pick at the loose thread on bed covers. She wrapped the thread around her finger and pulled at it. She had never felt so nervous in her whole life as she did now. She bit her lower lip as waited for Neal to return with their baby girl.

Her stomach felt like it was doing somersaults, she was unsure if it was nervous excitement at the prospect of nursing her baby or the fear of being rejected again. Though she couldn't make her mind about how she really felt it did not stop her lips forming a tiny smile as she thought about her little girl.

The sound of the bedroom door creaking open caused Emma's heart to leap suddenly in her chest. A small gasp escaped her lips when she saw Neal appear around the door with Eva cradled against his bare chest. "Hey Mommy." He whispered softly with a smile.

Emma had barely noticed her husband's warm smile, soon as he entered the rooms her gaze focused only on the tiny bundle in his arms. Her little girl looked so small and defenseless. She watched as Eva's little body suddenly winced as she let out another distressed cry. Emma's eyes widen in panic, "is she okay?" She asked her voice laced with concern.

"Yeah, she's fine." Neal chuckled softly and patted Eva gently on the back. He looked at his wife's worried face, she wasn't convinced. "She just wants her Mommy." He reassured her and carried their upset and hungry little girl over to the edge of the bed.

A small smile of relief flickered on Emma's face. She stared in utter awe as Neal rocked Eva in his arms; he was so good with her. In the past Emma had felt left out by the close bond they shared, she was jealous of how easy it was for Neal to comfort and wipe away Eva's tears. She hated herself for feeling that way towards him, it wasn't his fault. However now seeing them together made her heart fill with an overpowering love for them, this new-found feeling was so strong and powerful that it pushed away almost ever fear and doubt she had to one side.

Neal was about to pass Eva over to her mother when he suddenly realized he had forgotten to bring his daughter's baby blanket with them. He had been in such a hurry to bring Eva to Emma that he had left it behind in the nursery. He knew how much Eva loved it and how difficult it could be to settle her without it. "Neal what is? What's wrong?" Emma asked. She couldn't help but feel nervous when she noticed her husband had come to a halt.

Neal sighed quietly. "It's nothing honey, I've just forgotten Eva's blanket. She struggles to settle without it." He muttered annoyed with himself.

Emma's eyes dropped a little when Neal revealed another small detail about their daughter that she didn't know. "Maybe Eva could use mine?" She offered and bowed her blonde head shyly. She understood how important it was having a small comfort such as a blanket; it was another trait her daughter had inherited from her. Each moment she shared with her daughter she would find new similarities between them.

Neal raised his eyebrows in surprise; he knew how protective his wife was over her belongings, especially when it came to her baby blanket. "Yeah okay," he smiled. He picked up her blanket from the small pile next to bed and carefully laid Eva down as wrapped her up in the soft wool. "Honey, are you ready?" He asked nervously. Though he was proud of her for taking this step, he was also concerned she was pushing herself too soon. They had agreed to take one step at a time but it seemed she was now rushing ahead, but if Emma felt that she was ready he would give her his full support.

Emma nodded wordlessly and sat up a little straighter. She held her arms out awkwardly towards Neal. She was trying her best to hide the fact they were trembling with nerves.

Neal freed one hand from his hold on Eva and picked up a spare pillow. He gently slipped in behind Emma to give her more support for her back; it was a small gesture but he wanted to help his wife feel more comfortable. "Hey Eva, your Mommy is here now." He whispered to the tiny bundle. He shared one last glance at Emma before he placed their baby into her waiting arms.

Emma felt her breath hitch in the back of throat when she felt the weight of her baby in her arms. Her eyes instantly met the honey brown ones staring up at her. She finally allowed herself to breathe despite the nerves she still felt in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't take her eyes of the tiny bundle in her arms and she didn't want too. She never wanted to stop looking at her beautiful baby. This was her little girl, her little Eva. "Hey baby," she whispered softly, her voice was soothing and sounded so maternal that it surprised her.

Emma continued to stare into Eva's brown eyes; it still amazed her how beautiful her daughter's eyes were. She could see that they were still filled with tiny tear-drops as her baby continued to make small noises. Eva's little body shivered when another whimper escaped her lips.

Emma felt a sudden need to comfort her baby and take away her tears. She carefully pulled her blanket tighter around her daughter and rocked her closer to her chest. The soothing scent of her mother and the soft wool of the handmade blanket seem to calm Eva as she relaxed in her mother's arms.

Emma sighed happily in relief when Eva's cries subsided. She was slowly becoming so entranced by her daughter that she had barely noticed that Neal had made his way around to the other side of the bed so he could join them.

Carefully not to disturb Eva, Emma leaned into Neal's strong arms so that her back could rest against his chest. "You're doing great Honey." She heard him whisper gently into her ear as his hand moved below the bed covers to rest on bare thigh.

Emma felt grateful to have her husband's support but she still felt unsure about how she was going to do this. Her eyes searched over her baby's face for a clue about how she was feeling about the situation they now found themselves in. But it appeared that Eva was giving very little away and stared up at her mother with the same confusion in her eyes.

Emma chewed her lip nervously as she cradled her baby to her breast, she knew it wasn't as easy as that but it didn't stop her from wishing it could be. She took a deep breath and waited anxiously for Eva to latch on but unsurprisingly nothing happened. Instead Eva placed her tiny hand into her mouth and sucked her fingers. Emma gently removed her daughter's little fist from her mouth and tried again to persuade her to latch on but this time she moved her head side to side.

Neal could see his wife was starting to become agitated by their daughter's refusal to nurse. He couldn't help but think this was due to them bottle feeding her for so long. However he knew how important this was for Emma so he reached down and gently brushed his finger across Eva's mouth. This was a small trick he had learnt and found it normally encouraged her to take the bottle. "Hey little Princess, come on now, be good for Mommy," He whispered. But instead of persuading Eva to take her mother's breast, she puckered her lips against his finger.

Emma's face and heart dropped simultaneously. She sighed sadly; maybe it was just not meant to happen, no matter how much she really wanted this emotional bond, Eva's stubborn refusal to accept her breast made it impossible. A small single tear began to trickle down her cheek.

Neal gently squeezed Emma's knee under the blanket. His thumb brushed back and forth over her smooth skin as he tried to comfort her. He could feel her body trembling slightly as she was trying to hold back her sobs. "It's okay Honey." He said tenderly and rested his chin on her shoulder. He felt so bad for her but there was nothing he could do to make this better. "She is just being fussy." He tried to reassure her though he had no idea why Eva wouldn't nurse.

"I'll go get her a bottle." He placed a soft kiss on her shoulder. Emma nodded sadly and she tried to hold back the tears forming in her eyes. Neal sighed quietly. He gave her knee another squeeze before he used both hands to push himself off the bed. "I'll be as quick as I can." He attempted a smile but Emma's eyes avoided making contact with his. He knew she couldn't bear to see the sympathy in his eyes, it hurt too much. Quietly he walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.

As the door closed behind Neal, Emma now realized she was alone with her daughter. She sighed as her brow furrowed in sadness. She was now trying to think of a way to ease the awkward tension between them.

Eva began to fidget uncomfortably. She whimpered miserably due to her little tummy still being empty. Her little face turned red and she let out a boisterous cry at her unhappiness for being denied what she wanted. She kicked her arms and legs out towards her mother to show her frustration.

Emma sat completely frozen; she had no idea what to do. She opened her mouth a couple of times to say something soothing to her baby but the words had got lost in the back of throat. She started to panic. There was a part of her that wanted to push her baby away and run but she couldn't do it. She had come too far now to give up again. "Hush now Eva, it's okay, Daddy is getting you a bottle." She whispered finding her voice again. She tried rocking her baby in her arms but her constant fidget was making it very difficult. "What is it? What's wrong?" She pleaded when Eva's cries intensified. She had never heard her cry this way before.

Emma knew she had to do something to calm her baby, and then she remembered how much Eva enjoyed being touched. It worked after her bath so maybe it could work again. Quickly but carefully Emma freed one hand from beneath Eva and pulled the pillow free from behind her. She placed it down beside them and gently rolled them over they were now on their sides facing each other.

Emma simply faced Eva and looked into her eyes. She could see her daughter's big brown eyes had turned red from crying as she looked back at her bewildered. She tried to let her touch soothe her little girl but every few seconds she left Eva's body tense as she tried to keep herself upright.

Gently with one hand Emma stroked small circles on her daughter's back and rested her head against her chest. With her other hand, Emma brushed it gently up and down her baby's face. Her fingertips stroked softy up and down her little button nose. Eva snuggled closer to her mother and rested her head against her chest. Her little body leaned weakly against Emma as she allowed her soothing hands to encircle around her tightly.

Emma felt her own tears fall from her eyes as she whispered soothingly to her baby. She let her eyes drift down to Eva's face and it surprised her when she saw that she was staring straight back at her. Her daughter's cries had softened and Emma found herself giving her a small smile. She felt a shiver run up her back when she thought she saw Eva return it. Though they were still trying to discover this new bond they shared it seemed for now they were happy in each other's arms.

Just for a moment Emma let herself become lost in her little girl's warm brown eyes. She marvelled at the pure, innocent love that shone back at her. She knew now she wanted nothing more than to look into her daughter's beautiful eyes and to stay as close as possible to her baby.

Emma slowly reached her hand out and pried Eva's little hand away from her chest. She cradling her daughter's hand in hers and felt a small rush of warmth when their skin touched. Her finger tips traced lovingly over her daughter's palm. Though her hand was bigger than Eva's they were exactly the same, even their little fingers stuck out oddly at the same angle. Emma smiled at the resemblance and placed a tiny kiss on her baby's hand.

A small whimper came from Eva again as a few more tears trickled down her cheeks. "Hush baby, it's okay, I'm here." Emma murmured softly. She felt Eva's tiny hand curl around her finger as she held it tightly in a pink little fist.

Eva's head drooped suddenly and a tiny yawn escaped her lips. She nestled closer against her mother's chest as her eyelid began to close. Emma moved her hand to her baby's head and stroked her hair as she rocked her ever so slightly in her arms. She also allowed her eyelids to close as they fell into a comfortable silence.

Suddenly Emma's eyes opened wide in surprise. She gasped in disbelief and amazement when she felt her baby latch on to her breast. She couldn't believe it, after all this time she was finally nursing her baby. She looked down at Eva with love and utter awe in her eyes. She watched as Eva opened her eyes at stared up at her as she relished in the strong bond that was forming between them. Emma's eyes shimmered with happy tears as she became overwhelmed with emotion that she had never experienced before

Carefully she loosened her hold on her baby slightly to give her more room to move. She leaned backwards against her pillow so she could look into her little girl's big brown eyes. Emma let a small chuckle escape her lips when she felt Eva grip tighter to her breast, worried that her mother was trying to pull away from her. Emma held her breath slightly, she was too afraid to make a noise in case it would ruin the perfect little moment they were sharing together.

She bit her lower lip as she tried to contain her adoration for the little girl cradled at her chest. She had convinced herself that this moment would never happen, that it was too late, and she had missed her chance to nurse Eva. Emma needed to assure herself that this was real and not just a dream that she was having. She reached out with her hand and gently touched the side of her baby's face. Her thumb softly brushed over her daughter's rosy full cheek as she suckled away happily. She smiled lovingly when she noticed Eva's eyelids close under her touch.

All of a sudden Eva pulled away from her mother. Her little body shuddered when a small but adorable hiccup escaped her mouth. Emma smiled again and stroked her hand over her daughter's back in soothing circles. "Hey, slow down a bit okay?" She chuckled lightly; her baby had also inherited her mother's appetite. Eva seemed to respond to Emma's hushed voice and latched on gently this time. They fall back into a comfortable silence again which was only interrupted by the occasional hiccup from Eva.

A happy sigh left Emma's lips as her hand stroked through her baby's soft blonde hair. She let her eyes close again as a small smile formed at the corner of her lips. She breathed quietly still in utter amazement that she was holding her baby in her arms as she suckled at her breast. She felt a warm flush flow through her entire body as she allowed herself to get completely caught up in the moment. This perfect little girl meant everything to her.

Emma moved her head to the side and gently pressed her cheek against the top of Eva's head. Her soft lips form a small smile before they placed a small gentle kiss on top of her baby's forehead. She leaned closer to Eva's tiny ear, "I love you Eva." Her voice was barely louder than whisper. It finally felt like the missing piece of the puzzle had returned to her broken heart.

Neal watched silently in the doorway as Emma softly swept her fingers over their baby's face and across her cheek before placing another small kiss on top of hr head. His wife's very simple comforting action was so full of love that it took his breath away. He could feel his own tears forming in the corner of his eyes. He quietly sniffed them away and cleared his throat.

Emma looked up towards him. Her emerald-green eyes sparkled with happy tears and the unadulterated love on her face was clear to see. No matter how much heartbreak and tears she had been through over the last few weeks there was no denying it anymore Emma had fallen completely in love with their beautiful baby girl.

"I guess we don't need this anymore?" Neal chuckled and placed the warm bottle of milk down on the side. "Do you want me to leave you two alone for a while?" He asked nervously and shuffled his feet against the rug on the floor. He didn't want to interrupt the delicate bubble that his wife and daughter had created. He knew how important this moment was for Emma but at the same time he wanted to share it with her.

His eyes lit excitedly when he saw Emma shake her head as she lifted back the blankets inviting him to join them. Without another sound Neal hurriedly made his way over to their bed. He settled down beside his wife and baby daughter. Eva buried her head into mother's chest as she let her father stroke her head as he quietly hushed her. The couple shared a warm loving smile at each other as they looked down at the tiny person their love had created.

Neal slid his arm around Emma's waist and placed his hand on her lower back. He carefully pulled her close to him, making sure he didn't disturb their baby girl. His wandering hand began to trace up and down her naked back. "Neal!" She playfully scolded him when his hand dropped lower.

"What?" He replied innocently and winked at her. His smile grew when he heard her light laugher.

Emma opened her mouth to complain when his covered hers. She tried to catch her breath as Neal brushed his fingertips over her soft cheek. He was still being careful not to disturb Eva, but his mind however was clearly on Emma. The kiss was his way of telling her how proud he was of her and not matter how long it had taken them to get to this point he still loved her very much.

Emma confidently moved her hand away from her baby and brushed it through Neal's hair. She pressed a few playfully kisses against his lips before she unexpectedly pulled away from him. She winced a little in pain. It was clear that Eva was trying to get her mother's full attention back. She was not impressed with her parent's behaviour.

Neal groaned in frustration, this was the second time Eva had interrupted them, though a smile grew on his lips when he heard Emma's laughter. He knew he would have to get to sharing her with his daughter and if he was honest, he didn't mind at all. For next few minutes neither of the said another word as they enjoyed the quiet moment of being together as a family.


	25. Chapter 25

**Hey everyone. ****Thank you all again for your AMAZING reviews! :D They are really appreciated and motivate me to write more!**

**I also wanted to apologize for making you wait so long for an update. I had a frustrating case of writers block over the direction I wanted to take with the story. (this chapter was originally a flashback) This update is more of a filler chapter to move the story forward. Anyway I ****hope you enjoy the next chapter and thank you all again! :) **

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**Chapter 25**

The sunlight spilled through the small gap in the curtains replacing the dark shadows of the bedroom with a golden light. The soft sounds of the birds whistling could be heard from outside the window. They were happily enjoying the last few moments of blissful silence before the busy little town came alive once again.

Emma felt herself began to stir as the gentle warm rays of light tried to creep their way beneath her closed eyelids. She groaned quietly to herself, she still felt so sleepy but something was trying to wake her up. She buried her face deeper into her pillow when she heard the sound of the radio coming from downstairs. She was desperately trying to keep her dream alive a little longer, even though the sound of someone pulling plates out from the kitchen cupboard and the kettle boiling was making it almost impossible to do.

The dream had been about her little girl and the precious moment they had shared together only a few hours ago. The images of her baby in her mind had been so vivid and felt so real that she was refusing to let them disappear from her so easily.

Emma could still feel the weight of the tiny bundle in her arms. She could still smell the warm and fuzzy scent of her baby as she nursed at her breast. She reached out with her arms and pulled her baby closer to her body. She sighed softly when she felt Eva relax against her chest as she buried her tiny face into her mother's long blonde hair.

The image of them entwined close together gradually began to fade away as Emma's eyelids slowly fluttered open. Her arms no longer held the tiny warm body of her baby; instead they were empty and contained nothing but air. She instantly sat up in the bed when her chest started to tighten in panic. Eva was gone; someone had taken her baby away from her. "Oh!" She gasped suddenly when she remembered Neal had carried Eva back to her nursery when sleep had started to take its toll on both mother and daughter. A relieved breath escaped her lips as she sunk back down on the bed.

For the first time in weeks Emma felt utterly contented from a peaceful night's rest. A small loving smile graced her lips when she thought back to the previous day. Everything was so different now. She no longer had to dream about being with her little girl, her fantasy had come true. The simple thought of her little Eva made her feel ridiculously happy and yet she was still confused by it all. It felt like a huge weight had shifted from her shoulders and her heart pounded with anticipation at the thought of all the moments that were yet to come for them. All she had to do was believe in herself as a mother.

Emma yawned quietly and stretched out, it felt so good to let her arms and legs relax against the soft cushion of the bed. Her hand reached out almost instinctively towards the side of the bed that belong to her husband; however there was an empty space beside her. She let her fingers lightly brush over the mattress, the warmth of Neal's body no longer lingered in the bed. The sounds from downstairs were definitely being made by him and not their son who was soon to return home from Regina's.

She huffed in frustration that he was no longer in their bed. She could barely remember the last time they had just had a lazy morning together. Neal hadn't been gone for long but she already missed him. She chastised herself for behaving like a lovesick teenager girl, it was very likely that he had gotten up to tend to their baby but a tiny selfish part of her wanted him close to her all the time. She huffed again and sat up on the bed.

The strands of her blonde hair fell annoying across her face as she turned her head suspiciously around the room. Her husband's pajamas were now folded neatly in a pile at the end of the bed; she hadn't heard him getting changed. "Neal?" She called out but there was no reply from him.

Emma threw back the covers and swung her legs out of the bed. She reached down and picked up Neal's discarded shirt. A small smirk graced her lips when she remembered how his shirt ended up in a heap on the bedroom floor. She quickly pulled it on over her head and let her arms slip through the long sleeves as the shirt fell just above her knees. She folded her arms across her chest and made her way out of the room in search of her husband.

Emma wrapped her arms tighter around her body as she stepped out into the long hallway. The early morning chill in the house caused her body to shiver slightly. "Neal?" She called out again, still no answer. She was just about to go and investigate what her husband was up too when something caused her to stop short.

The small soft sound of her baby girl's cry came from behind the door of the nursery. Emma stood motionless in the hall for a moment as her heart started to thud painfully in her chest. She bit down on her lip nervously, she was unsure whether to continue her journey to Neal or to go and comfort her daughter.

Since Eva was born so much heartache and drama had happened in that room that Emma no longer found the prospect of the nursery inviting. It had become the place that she had feared and tried to avoid at all costs. She had not yet shared one happy memory with her little girl in that room, only ones that she longed to forget

In spite of the fear she felt in the pit of her stomach the need in heart to comfort her baby was too strong. She wanted to hold her daughter in her arms again and she was not going to let anything stop her, not anymore. She padded her way along the hallway; her bare feet made very little noise as she warily approached the nursery door. She quietly pushed the door open and allowed the light from the hall to illuminate the room. The bright light caused Eva to whimper again.

Emma let out a breath that she didn't realize she was holding as she stepped further into the nursery. Her eyes immediately moved around her daughter's room as she took in every little detail, the soothing colors of the crimson pink on the walls, the soft delicate fabrics of the curtains and fluffy blankets. Every single little thing had its own place, even the soft toys had been neatly placed in the corner of the room next to the wooden rocking chair.

A tiny laugh escaped her lips when she remembered how much work had gone into making the nursery perfect for their new arrival. Even Henry had assisted on helping however ended up with more paint on his hair and clothes than the walls. Without noticing all the unhappy thoughts in her head were slowing being replaced by happy ones. Another whimper filled the room which pulled Emma out from her trance. She eagerly but quietly made her way over to her daughter's cot.

Emma tilted her head to side and gazed intently at her little girl, Eva's eyes were still partly closed and her cries were soft mumbles as she dreamed away to herself. The light blonde strands of Eva's hair stuck up slightly and her tiny thumb was in her mouth as she sucked it soothingly. Emma continued to stared down in wonder at her baby, her heart was so filled with love and relief that her daughter was safe that she thought it might just possibly burst.

Very carefully she reached down and stroked her hand over her daughter's head, smoothing down her soft hair gently so not to disturb her from her peaceful dream. Her fingers brushed through her baby's hair, comforting her as she slept. Emma smiled warmly when she felt Eva turn her head into her hand. Gently she pressed her palm softly against her baby's head as she felt the warmth radiating from her. They stayed that way for several seconds before she pulled her hand back carefully not to wake Eva up.

Emma let out another breath when she noticed her baby was now wide awake. Eva's honey-brown eyes stared up to meet her mother's emerald-green ones. She stared in awe at her daughter and another smile played at the corner of her lips when she watched Eva reach up with her little arms. It seemed that her daughter wanted to back in her arms as much as she wanted to hold her again.

Carefully Emma lifted her tiny daughter up from her cot and into her arms. She laughed softly when Eva almost instantly buried her face into her mother's blonde hair, just like in the dream. Emma stroked her baby's back soothingly as she rested her against her shoulder. It was still difficult for her to believe that she was actually holding her daughter in her arms. She could hear the gentle sounds of Eva's coos against her shoulder. She pressed her lips ever so lightly to her baby's forehead. "Good morning Baby," she whispered. Her voice was barely audible over the sound of her beating heart.

Emma felt Eva rest her tiny body against her shoulder as she gently rocked her soothingly. "I've missed you." She whispered again and moved her head to the side so she could place a few tiny kisses on her daughter's rosy cheeks. Her little girl leaned more into their embrace as she relished in the comfort of being in her arms. Eva's tiny fingers stretched out and grabbed a small handful of her mother's hair. She roughly tugged it towards her mouth. "No baby, you can't eat Mommy's hair," Emma laughed softly as she carefully tried to pry her baby's miniature fingers free of the strands of hair.

Eva let out a little screech and her face turned red. "Aw, I'm sorry Eva," Emma soothed and rocked the tearful baby in her arms. "It doesn't taste that good, I promise." She gently lifted the tiny bundle up to her face and nuzzled her nose against her little girl's smooth button one. She smiled again when Eva's tears came to stop and she began to blow wet bubbles at her.

Emma felt a warm, happy flush of love through her entire being when she lowered her daughter back towards her chest. The little girl leaned more into the embrace. "That's better baby." She murmured quietly and placed another kiss on top of Eva's hair. "Baby, my baby," she whispered again and pressed her cheek against her daughter's head.

After a few moments of holding Eva in the middle of the nursery, Emma slowly came back to her senses. One hand stroked her daughter's back in small circles while the other reached carefully and picked up one of the blankets that rested on the rocking chair. She opened the blanket it out and then gently pulled it around her baby's tiny body. "Should we go and see what your Daddy is up too?" She smiled softly as her hand cupped Eva's little cheek. Her daughter cooed softly in response.

Curiously Emma carried Eva down towards the warm kitchen. The soft sound of music was still coming from behind the door of the kitchen. Quietly she pushed the door open and poked her head into the room. She couldn't hold back her smile at the sight of Neal who was happily dancing around the kitchen. His moves were completely out of time with the beat of the music but that didn't seem to bother him at all. He always had two left feet.

Unaware of his wife and daughter's presence in the doorway he continued to strut around the room as he hummed along to the song on the radio. "Nice moves," Emma laughed as she finally broke her silence when the song came to an end. Neal spun round to see her leaning against the door frame with their baby girl cuddled up against her chest. His ears turn a dark shade of red in embarrassment. "Oh don't stop on our account," she smiled at him.

Neal's eyes traveled down to his daughter and then back up to Emma. She looked so natural holding their little girl close to her chest, the sight of them took his breath away. "Neal?" Emma arched her eyebrow questionably at him as she stared at the odd look on his face.

Neal shook his head wordlessly, "Sorry it's just… You're so beautiful… You know that right?" He smiled sheepishly. He knew saying these things out loud always embarrassed her but he couldn't help himself. Seeing her standing there wearing nothing but one of his old shirts while she cradled their baby in her arms made his heart swell. He didn't care that it embarrassed her, he only spoke the truth. She was beautiful.

"So I've heard." Emma laughed as she tried to work around his compliment. "I guess you're not too bad yourself." She added making him smile as he approached them. Neal gently wrapped his arms round her waist, cautious of the small baby in her arms. "I mean it, you're so beautiful. He whispered. He brought his hand to the side of her face and brushed the loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Emma sighed softly and leaned back into his arms allowing him to envelop her in his warm embrace. His hot breath tickled the skin on the back of her neck. The feeling of his hands on her waist and the sound of his low husky voice made her lose herself.

Neal rested his chin on her shoulder and let his gaze drift down to the little bundle in her arms. "Hey gorgeous," he beamed proudly at his daughter. Eva was perfect and just looking her tiny face made him smile. He slowly moved his hand from Emma's waist and gently stroked it over their daughter's head. He lightly brushed the pad of his thumb down over her warm rosy cheek.

The couple both shared a smile when their little girl made a soft whimper as her little fingers took hold of her father's thumb. Just like she did with her mother's hair earlier in the nursery, she pulled his thumb to her mouth and placed wet sloppy kisses along his skin.

"Why thank you Eva." He chuckled and gradually pulled his thumb free from her tiny fingers. Emma laughed quietly when Eva grumbled in frustration as she tried to take hold of his thumb. Their daughter most definitely had a stubborn streak.

"I'm sorry sweetheart; I forgot you love getting your own way." Neal smiled warmly and let his daughter take hold of his thumb again. Eva's cries softened down as she happily kissed her father's thumb. "I wonder where you get that from Eva." He chuckled but winced slightly when he felt a hard jab in his side from his wife's elbow.

A small amused smile began to tug at the corners of Emma's lips. She knew that he was clearly trying to mock her however she couldn't help but find his ridiculous baby voice adorable. It seemed that she wasn't the only one that found it amusing; Eva kicked her little legs out from under her blanket as she listened to her father's voice.

"Yeah, that's right Eva. You want to grow up and be beautiful but very stubborn Princess, just like your Mommy." He grinned mischievously before he placed a warm kiss against Emma's hair. He knew how much it infuriated her when he referred to her as a Princess but he just couldn't help himself, her little hissy fits were just too funny.

Emma rolled her eyes at him, but her lips were forming into a secretive smile. She had decided to play along and knew exactly how to tease him. "I guess your daddy is right and just like Mommy, you will have all the boys in the entire Kingdom fighting over you, especially those roguish but handsome pirates." She didn't have to see Neal with her eyes to know that his face was now scrunched up utterly appalled at the thought of his little girl with a boy or even worse with a pirate. She smirked proudly to herself.

"Don't you go listening to that silly Mommy of yours," Neal said as he tickled the soft skin under Eva's chin with his thumb. "You're not interested in any of that nonsense... Well not until you're at least thirty or maybe even forty." He gently brushed his hand back over his daughter's head again. "And when you do, pirates are off-limits." He whispered quietly with a serious tone to his voice.

Emma bit her lower lip hard and twisted it between her teeth. She was trying her best to hold back the laughter that was tickling the back of her throat. Neal sounded so much like David it was uncanny, maybe now he understood why her father was so over protective of her. Instead of laughing a soft content sigh escaped her lips as she leaned back against his firm chest. "So why are you up so early?" She asked and moved one of hands free from her hold on Eva so she could stroke his cheek. "I missed you this morning." She purred softly.

Neal closed his eyes slightly, "I'm sorry honey," he whispered. He placed his hand over hers and interlaced their fingers. He moved their hands to his lips and pressed a small kiss on her knuckles. "But I have a surprise for you."

Emma pulled away from their embrace so she could look at his face more clearly. She eyed him suspiciously, "A surprise?" She asked skeptically.

Neal nodded silently but his whole face lit up as he beamed at her. "Oh look at the time, I've got to go and pick up Henry. You know what Regina is like if one of us is late." He said quickly changing the subject.

Emma stared at him somewhat bemused. He was most definitely up to something. However there was a more important matter, he was about to leave her alone with Eva. She wasn't sure how she felt about the prospect of spending the morning alone with her daughter. Neal had always been there; from the moment Eva was born he hadn't left their side. This was a big step for her, one she wasn't sure if she was ready for. "Neal wait... I..." She opened her mouth to complain when Neal suddenly placed his hand behind her head and pulled her close to him.

Their lips collided together as he kissed her passionately. She was so shocked and surprised by his unexpected action that she froze for a moment to let her mind catch up with her body. She considered pushing him away but his kiss was so incredibly tender and charming that she couldn't bring herself to pull away from his lips. Carefully she rested Eva on one arm so she could bring her other one up to brush through the soft wisps of his dark hair. She closed her eyes and leaned in closer. Just when she felt herself melting into the kiss, Neal abruptly pulled his lips away from her.

Neal tried to stop his mouth from forming a mischievous smirk as he watched his flustered wife staring back at him with her eyes wide open in confusion and her mouth slightly agape in shock. "You really are a pain Cassidy, you know that right?" She frowned at him unimpressed. It took her a moment to realize that he deliberately denying her one of his kisses in revenge for the pirate comment.

"I know," He grinned again which caused her eyes to roll in annoyance. "But that's why you love me." They shared a long moment of silence and stared at each other as they tried to suppress their mutual smirks. It didn't take them long until they burst into laughter.

"I really need to get Henry, will you be okay?" Neal asked. He was trying his best to hide the concern in his voice. Emma had come so far already with her recovery that he didn't want her to think he didn't trust her alone with their daughter. It worried him that any sign of doubt would cause her to take a step backwards.

Emma's eyes drifted to the baby in her arms, she would be lying if she said the idea of being alone with Eva didn't terrify her but she knew she could do it and more importantly she wanted to spend time with her baby alone. She smiled softly and nodded, "yeah, we will be fine."

Neal returned the smile. "I'll be quick as I can, I promise." He gently leaned forward and pressed his lips on top of their daughter's head. "Be good for your Mommy." He whispered. He place a quick kiss on Emma's lips before turning to leave. "Oh and make sure you dress Eva warmly after her bath."

Emma looked at him again confused. "Why?"

"I can't tell you, it's all part of the surprise." He called back over his shoulder and he made his way to the front door.

Emma rolled her eyes again when she heard the front door close behind him. She nervously looked down at her daughter. "So I guess it's just you and me baby."

* * *

_Coming up: Emma's first morning alone with Eva but she might get a little help from the truest believer. And what is Neal is up too? _


End file.
